Whats the oldest age you would have a baby?

posted 1 year ago in TTC
Post # 91
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

It seems to be an unpopular opinion but we want to be completely done by the time we are 30.

My dad was 30 when they had me and I would not want to be older than him and raising children, he is a great dad but there is an obvious difference in energy as he has gotten older. 
I look at my in-laws who were young parents and are now empty nesters in their mid-40s and are travelling, socialising and generally loving life, compared to some of their friends who are the same age and have toddlers/small children and are exhausted all the time and still have another 10+ years of active child-rearing. 

I do understand that life doesn’t always work out the way you want and this isn’t a realistic plan for many people. But we are incredibly fortunate to have met when we were young and aim to start ttc next year when we will both be 24.

Had we have not been so fortunate (or if we have trouble conceiving) I think 40 would be my absolute cut off – and it will effect the amount of children we have, maybe just 1 instead of the 2-3 that we have planned.

(So ultimately nothing wrong with being an older parent, just not something I would personally want to do).

Post # 92
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

I was so, so not ready for kids when I was younger.  My answer in my 20s would have been “as late as possible, or never.”  Around 30 I started to warm up to the idea but had a few life things I wanted to explore first, so here we are giving it a go in my early 30s.  I’ve always recognized the risk that I’d wait too long and have been okay with that – it was just not a priority for me earlier in my life.  I suspect I would have made a terrible parent when I was younger, too.

At this point I’d like to get it done if it’s going to happen, though.  I think I’d like to wrap it up by 36/37, and if we haven’t had any luck by 35 I think I’ll call it a day.  Totally a personal preference based on my impatience, though.

Post # 93
Member
38 posts
Newbee

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@electrichedgehog:  I feel ya haha. I wasn’t ready earlier either.

Post # 94
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m a FTM and we have a 6 week old and I’ll be 40 next week.  We plan to have 1 more.  Our son is an IVF baby, and we have embryos frozen.  We plan to transfer again next summer, so I’d be 41 when the second one is born if IVF works again.  Ideally, I’d like to have been younger, but life just didn’t work out that way for us.  

Post # 95
Member
4994 posts
Honey bee

Most people I know had their last kid at 36-ish. Not sure if that’s their “planned cut-off age” or coincidentally, that’s just how life worked out for them.

Post # 96
Member
466 posts
Helper bee

I’m definitely in the minority but none of the women in mine or my husband’s family would consider having children after 30, myself included. Everyone in mine and my husband’s family had kids young. Most had their first when they were 20 or 21. My mom had 4 kids by the time she was 25 with a surprise baby at 29 and my husband’s mother had 4 by the time she was 26. I gave birth to my one and only a few months after I turned 22. I was so sure I was done after one that I had my tubes tied at 26. 

I just can’t imagine being even my current age (29) and just now having a kid. It will be nice because I’ll only be 40 when my son graduates high school. I’ll (hopefully) be around for a lot longer compared to if I waited until 40 and then being almost 60 when he graduates high school.  Obviously having kids so young is not feasible nor ideal for many, but I’m definitely happy I did.  

Post # 97
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2002

I think this is really a personaly choice and depends greatly on ones overall health. I had my last child at 37 and it almost killed me, so personally I wouldn’t recommend it. However, I know people that have had children in their 40s with no issues. I think you also want to ask yourself what age do you want to be when they graduate high school and are ready to get married themselves. Do you want to be around to see all of that? The choice is so different for everyone, good luck making yours.

Post # 98
Member
7921 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I wonder if the age at which people decide to have children varies from region to region. People talking about having four children by 26 or having a first at 20 or 21 just boggles my mind. I was in college until I was 22! And I certainly wasn’t settled enough until a number of years after that to even consider marriage or children. Indeed, while Dh and I planned each child, looking back, I would have had my first a couple years LATER, not earlier! I was almost 30 when my first was born, which was considered early in my family. 

But the reason I mention the regional component is because all the parents my children are friends with are around my same age. A year or two younger or a year or two older, but right around the same. Likewise with my coworkers. Most of them are around my age and their children are right around the same ages as my own, or if they are older, they, too, had children around 30. In the University town nearest us, there are LOTS of first-time mums in their late 30s. So it would be uncommon among my friends, family and coworkers for someone to have children in their early 20s. I wonder if that is different in different areas.

Post # 99
Member
4994 posts
Honey bee

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@echomomm:  Yes it does. If you’re from the US, if you google, there’s a map that show you ages of first time mom by cities or states. I think areas of Alaska and TX has the youngest first time moms. And NYC area and SF Bay Area has the oldest first time moms. I would put the link here but I don’t know how. You should look it up if you’re interested. 

Post # 100
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

It definitely depends on the area. I had a 22-year-old tell me a few years ago, “no offense but I better at least be married and have one kid by the time I’m your age.” I couldn’t help but laugh. I was like, you have no idea how hard I have worked to be unmarried and childless. lol

Post # 101
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

I am currently pregnant with our first (and quite possibly only) baby and I’m 28. We will either be one and done or have a second with a big age gap between the two. It depends on how we feel once our baby is here and if we feel our family is complete or not. If we decide to have another I think I’d like our current child to be at least 6 years old which would put me at 34 at the earliest. I don’t think I would have a second baby past 38 so I guess that would be the oldest I’d have a baby. If we can’t decide by that age I think we’ll be done. 

Post # 102
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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@newbee5:  i’m 26 and will start trying next year. I think late 20’s qre a great age- still got energy and patience.

Post # 103
Member
3876 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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@Viviana2:  I’m almost 38 with a 1.75 year old, and I have near-endless energy and patience for him actually 😁

Post # 104
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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@mg8301:  So I had my daughter in December when I was a month shy of 37.

We will be trying for #2 when she turns 1, so I’ll be a month shy of 38 and we expect it to take awhile since it took 7 cycles to get pregnant with her.

FWIW – I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and dream unmedicated delivery! I went a week overdue and my daughter picked her birthday – she was born pink & screaming with 9/9 Apgar scores. We left the hospital before 48 hours b/c her and I were doing great.

I saw my midwife at my 6 week post partum checkup and she laughed when I asked if I was too old to have another. She was like “you are the poster child for a healthy pregnancy and dream delivery, do not worry about your age.”

 

Totally anecdotal but I kinda think that the fear of “Advanced Maternal Age” might motivate older moms to be healthier and take pregnancy more seriously, just what I’ve noticed. My friends who had kids in their 20s and early 30s, didn’t do anything to prepare their bodies but they got pregnant easily and used it as an excuse to indulge in whatever food they wanted. Several struggled with gestational diabetes and hypertension, gained 50+ pounds, had complications after delivery.

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