(Closed) What’s the one wedding etiquette rule you wish you could banish?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

"Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast," hands down and in all situations where it comes up.

I think there was a thread just like this a few weeks ago, I’ll see if I can find it and post the link for you! 

Post # 4
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I have a question, what do you write when you only know the mrs, but are inviting both? Do you still write Mr. and Mrs. hisfirst hislast or can you write Mrs. and Mr. herfirst herlast? I’m stumped on some of the invites to my co-workers.

Post # 6
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@samisomsam — I would ask the coworker how she would like it addressed (ask her to write it out for you).  That is the safest bet. 

 I hated asking grandparents if they have anyone they wanted to invite (usually people we don’t even know). I’ll never understand it! –Especially after my Fiance paternal grandparents sent us back a list of 30 people after we had had to cut 30 of our friends to keep my parents happy with the size of our guest list!

Post # 7
133 posts
Blushing bee

@Samisomsam– You’re supposed to ask your co-worker what their spouse’s/ date’s name is. Sounds like a pain, but it’s nice to know the names of the people who are coming and it comes in handy for seating charts/ cards and writing thank-you notes.

I would definitely get rid of the Mr. and Mrs. John Smith construction. I *never* want to be referred to as Mrs. John Smith! I still have my own name, dammit!

Also, I wish we could do online invitations that sync up to your electronic calendar instead of paper. I love paper products, but it’s soooo expensive and I know people would pay more attention to and respond more quickly to electronic ones.

Post # 8
596 posts
Busy bee

I agree with Sakoro – I wish invitations weren’t such a big deal.  I cringe when I think about all the trees it takes to make pretty complicated invites with lots of inserts, tissue lining, inner and outer envelopes, etc.

Post # 9
773 posts
Busy bee

I hate the stupid little dance you have to do around informing people about your registry.  You mention the wedding website on an information insert and put the registry information on the website.  I’ve been to tons of websites that are only registry information!  You may as well just put the registry information in there.  Frankly, some people could use an in your face "THIS IS WHERE I AM REGISTERED" so you don’t get random ugly pot holders that don’t go with anything.

Post # 10
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

 the "out of towners have to come to the rehersal dinner" rule. ok i know it’s he proper thing to do , but I may as well just have the wedding that night then! 

I don’t answer to Mrs Hislast name. I get it a lot at work. I finally just said you never called me by my last name before why now??

Post # 11
2 posts
  • Wedding: June 2009

@ Amandopolis – I agree!  Personally I dont think it’s tacky to put a card in the invite saying where we are registered.  I always want to know that!

 I wish… it wasn’t such a taboo thing for the bride to want to plan her own bachelorette party.  It’s a party thrown in honor of me – the bride – I should be able to say what I want, where I want it and with whom I want to spend it… same as the wedding!  Mostly I don’t want anyone else to stress over doing something they’re not comfortable or feeling like they can’t please me.  Why can’t I just plan it and then tell everyone to just show up and enjoy themselves?!

Post # 13
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m going completely against etiquette and putting the wife’s first name as well, with the exception of anyone from our grandparents’ generation. I know women who are that age tend to be accustomed to being called by their husband’s first name and can get offended if they aren’t called that.

I’m not really sure what etiquette rule I’d like to abolish since I’ve thrown most of them out the window. I did do the whole song and dance routine when it comes to the registry information, which feels a little ridiculous, but I’m okay with it staying in place. If I didn’t like an etiquette rule and it wouldn’t negatively impact my guests  by not following it, I didn’t follow it.

Post # 14
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - Amy's Manor

Although I love getting mail (the good kind, not bills or spam), I would really like to do electronic invitations. I know there’s something special about printed invites for a wedding but I just see it as extra cost and a forest full of trees.

I’d also be more than happy to drop the whole favor thing. I understand the point of it but it’s so hard to come up with something that people will want/use/enjoy because if you don’t, most likely it will end up in the trash and you just spent $200+/- for nothing. I’d rather pool that money and do something at the reception that everyone could enjoy (cotton candy machine, photo booth, etc.). Hmm..maybe that’s what I will do?

Post # 15
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I second the no woman first name thing that drives me batty. I’m dealing with a tough situation that although my fiance’s parents are only a few years older than my own parents they are of the Mrs Smith generation while my mom is soo not. She kept her maiden name professionally and wants her name on the invite. I’m hoping to doesn’t ruffle feathers but Future Mother-In-Law sent all of her wedding list without the woman’s first name. And we call some of their friends Mr and Mrs. whatever, which I feel ridiculous doing at my age.

Another thing I’d love to do away with is being fair to everyone and doing things equally because I think it often ends up hurting people. For example, our rehearsal dinner will include our aunts and uncles but bc Fiance has 24 cousins they aren’t invited, many of those cousins are my parents age. They’ll survive. But I can’t invite my three cousins who are all in high school and will be left alone in a hotel room in a metropolitan city. I don’t see how that’s fair or being polite. But I can’t seem to win that one.

Post # 16
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I totally agree with the planning of the bridal shower/bachelorette party. I just want to plan it myself!! I have been to 4 bridal showers among friends within the past few months and it is all the same thing… same food… same games. I don’t want that! I don’t want store bought deli meat and a fondue fountain, damnit! And I don’t want you to save all the bows from my presents and make me a damn bouquet for the rehearsal UGH!

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