(Closed) What's the point of a wedding???

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What Would You Do?
    Be strong and fight for your original plan (DW in DR) - whatever it takes : (25 votes)
    39 %
    Give up and elope, you'll never win these parents over : (27 votes)
    42 %
    Forget the white dress, the ceremony, the reception. City Hall and then honeymoon! : (7 votes)
    11 %
    Move even farther away. : (2 votes)
    3 %
    I like ice cream. : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @futuremrsk18:  Elope and have a party to celebrate with your friends later. There are too many other factors related to the money with your dad and it has become messy. Keep clean and avoid the mess. Real friends would understand and can take their own vacations another time.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7216 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Well, I don’t know you or your parents so I don’t know what their motives are, but I can see how frustrating it is for you! I would want my parents to be excited for my wedding, too. BUT… to play Devil’s advocate a little bit… I also get why they want you to invest in property. Prices are low right now and, as someone who inherited a small rental property, it’s a good source of income. You could always hire a management company with some of the rental money, which would mean almost no work on your part and the property would just keep giving. 

    Ok.. that said, it’s your money! Try to talk to your parents about their relationship with your Fiance outside of the money issue. Why don’t they like him? Emphasize how well he treats you and how happy you are. Ultimately, they should come around because as your parents, they want you happy and stable. That is the reason they’re trying to get you to buy something anyway, isn’t it?

    Post # 5
    Member
    12247 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    So… Is it at all possible that they might be on to something? I’m sorry I’m sure I’m totally wrong! It’s just that the last time I dated someone my parents HATED, they ended up being right… He beat the daylights out of me and cheated on me all the time!

    I never saw it coming! Not in a million years! I thought they hated him because he was poor.

    It turned out they just saw something I didn’t…

    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!

    Post # 8
    Member
    1478 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

    It sounds like your parents arent happy unless you are doing what they say. First with the money from the house and now with the wedding location. It makes no sense that they would pay for it in one state and not the other – no sense at all. Your going to be a married woman, you have control over your decisions even if they are mistakes.

     

    I think you need to either stand up to them or elope. It is not right to have a place you Fiance doesnt know about, that is not a good way to start off a marriage. Quite frankly if you let them influence your decisions you marriage will may break because there are more than two people in that relationship and you Fiance didnt sign up for that. 

     

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    9916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Elope, and then have a party for everyone when you get back.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1478 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

    @futuremrsk18:  Sweetie the way I see it you have to put your big pants on and stand up to them …. Ive just started doing it with my mother so I know its hard but its the only way this will stop. 

    With the money -. Now you did law so i know you know what you signed up for and when you signed up there were no strings attached, that is your money …. your father cant simply add strings to them now. If hes not going to give it to you I’d make it clear that you trusted him and he’s the one in the wrong and the nicest way possible let him know nothing like that will be happening again. Then … if i couldnt afford what i wanted big wedding wise I’d elope and do what i wanted .

    As for the phone calls – i’d say something like look im ringing you mon wed and fri because im busy and need to spend time with Fiance (obviously a lot nicer) and then stand your ground in the most polite way possible. 

     

    Cant you see … as long as you continue to let them make decisions over your life they will continue to do so. Maybe because you keep giving them the power the think they need to. Take control of your life.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    5403 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I really want to give you advice but I can’t because I don’t have any frame of reference that’s helpful. The best thing I’ve got is do what YOU guys want and will make you happy, whatever that is. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2440 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @futuremrsk18:  Get the money form your parents, no strings attached. He can’t decide how you wil spend the money you earned. Strong arm him on it.

     

    After that, do the small new york wedding and go on your amazing honeymoon. You’ll be getting the vacation you deserve, you’ll save (and earn) money, and you can shut this chapter of your parents involvement.

     

    I’m so soryr your parents are being like this. ๐Ÿ™ Whatever you decide to do, make your dad pay you for the services you provided. You aren’t a child, and this isn’t an allowance. He does not have the right to withold his payment based on his personal opinions.

     

    EDIT- or just elope. ๐Ÿ™‚ Throw the party after

    Post # 15
    Member
    2645 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

    I would keep to the original plan and do your Destination Wedding. If your parents don’t come, it’ll just be like you “eloped” with some friends there.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1589 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I’m so sorry. I understand how frustrating parents can be. It’s funny, a lot of people tend to complain about FIL’s but for me it’s my own parents who drive me crazy. 

    Anyway, if you can afford it just throw the Destination Wedding wedding. If they come they come, if they don’t they don’t. 

    My mom is only coming wedding dress shopping. I DOUBT she’s going to have anything to do with my shower. Honestly, I’ll be lucky if she even shows up. 

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