Post # 1
I have been seeing a lot of posts lately about people and frustration with the level of help from their Maid/Matron of Honor and bridemaids. I got curious, what do the brides of the Bee think should be the role of the Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids.
Post # 3
All my bridal (Both groomsmen & bridesmaids) had to do was show up and look beautiful. I didn’t require anything else of them
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I’m of the “show up to the rehearsal and the wedding, sober, in appropriate attire, and in a cooperative mood” mindset. Anything else is a bonus. And bonuses are nice, don’t get me wrong. it’s just that they are not necessary.
Post # 5
IMO it’s option #1 – 100%
I also think that it’s not out of line to expect them at the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner.
Traditionally the shower and bachelorette party are the responsibility of the bridal party BUT they also tend to have gotten way out of hand lately.
If you want a shower and bachelorette party these should be communicated to the bridal party BEFORE they agree to be in the party AND your expectations (financially and otherwise) should be communicated. Throwing your own shower would be beyond tacky, your own bachelorette party less so.
Post # 6
Number 1+ or 2+ (within reason)
I would vote just the bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner and showing up to the wedding for necessary activities. I don’t think showers are necessary, but it is something that should be communicated early on.
I think most problems arise when A) A bride thinks everything is about her and her wedding only. B) When bridesmaids show a lack of general interest and love. C) When these two things collide and then spiral out of control… haha
I know, personally, I couldn’t care less if people couldnt plan or make certain events. All i care about is they say hi every once in awhile and ask how i am doing and check in. I think thats a basic friendship rule though, nvm just being a bridesmaids one…
PS. On a side note…Wedding dress shopping with my sister (MOH) and mother was one of the best experiences and I was so glad they were there!
Post # 7
I voted #2, but I only think it is the Maid/Matron of Honor to plan a shower/party (if wanted and if possible), not the other BMs.
BMs in general need to be there for the rehearsal and wedding. Anything else is a bonus and is up to them if they want to do it/participate/help.
I also think that rehearsals need to be planned for the convenience of the bridal party too (when possible).
Post # 8
I don’t want my girls to do much. Dresses, shoes, show up on time the day-of. BUT, I’d also like them to attend and help with the bachelorette, bridal shower, and rehearsal dinner (well, not plan that one). Fiance and I are having a joint party, so I suggested we go to a local festival. My Maid/Matron of Honor started a Facebook group for it, and that was basically all she needs to do (though she’s doing a little more than that). My bridesmaids are helping my FSMIL and grandma with the bridal shower (because they offered).
Post # 9
Hmm I didn’t really like any of those options. I agree with everything in the first one but I do think they should try their best to be at the rehearsal, however, I don’t think they should be expected to plan the shower or bachelorette party.
Post # 10
Ok, now to comment on my own thread. I didn’t want to write my opinon in the OP because I didn’t want to biased answers.
I personally think the Maid/Matron of Honor and the bridesmaids should plan the bachelorette party and turn up to the rehersal dinner and bridal shower as well as the wedding.
I would have loved to have bought the dresses and shoes for my bridal party but just could not afford it. Instead, we went with cheap shoes, since they hardly show and a dress that was not too “bridemaidy” that they can hopefully wear again. I also let the Maid/Matron of Honor mostly pick the dress because I wanted her to feel comfortable in it, especially as she was paying for it. I my buying them pearls for their bridesmaids thankyou gifts, that they will wear on the day and paying for their hair. We are all doing our own makeup.
My Maid/Matron of Honor has been really great and has come with me to multiple wedding dress appointments. I was very grateful for her support as none of my family live anywhere close and I would not have known what to do without her! She is also going to plan my bachelorette party cause she’s awesome!
She did not help me with any of the planning, my mum did that. I didn’t ask her to look up anything or contact any vendors. I did ask her opinion on things decor. I did most of my research using google and email since the wedding is in Scotland.
My sister is my other bridesmaid and lives in London. She has done nothing to help with the wedding (besides a little complaining because the dress was not couture!). She is however, taking two extra days off work to attend the bridal shower (planned by my Mum) and rehersal dinner which I appreciate.
I would not really have expected my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids to do research or planning for me. I would feel guilty if they put themselves out too much and I am kind of control freaky about the process anyway so it’s all good.
Post # 11
i do not think they need to help with the rehersal dinner.i do think the moh and bridesmaids should plan a shower and batch party unless the bride says she does not want one.i aso belive they should not say yes to be part of the bridal party if they are not willing to be supportive and able to be of help to the bride,i do not mean drop everything or help with everything or always say yes for everything.that not what i mean at all.
i know most wont agree with the way i belive and thats ok because i dont agree with just getting a dress and showing up the wedding day and thats it,i never heard of that until i came to the weddingbee.
im 41 and i always saw and heard of the moh and bridesmaids being a big help to the bride.i also never heard of batch parties being weekends in los vegas ect….and costing tons of money lol.
usually where im from they take the bride and groom out on the town and party and they just pay their way for the night.or a spa day and dinner.the bridal shower is usually a few cute decorations at someones home or hall rental with a bbq or meat and cheese platter to make sandwhiches or meatballs.so with everyone pitching in just a little the bride has a beautiful shower.
idk,like i said everyone thinks and feels different,i dont think either is right or wrong so i guess it all depends on where you are from ect…
i think nowadays though if the bride wants a shower or batch party and wants certain things from her bridesmaids that she should make it known and let the bridesmaids choose weather they are willing to do what the bride is exspecting of them,i think it will help a lot of drama and loss of friendships and hurt feelings.
eta,i do exspect my brial party to show up to the rehersal(not help plan it)and on the wedding day on time
Post # 12
I don’t believe they should necessarily be responsible for the cost of their dress and/or shoes, so I can’t vote.
Post # 13
@joya_aspera: Added some more options, since I didn’t seem to cover everything! 🙂
Post # 14
@gingernutjo: I checked option 1, but its not fully for me because I expect my bridesmaids to be at the rehearsal dinner, but not to organize it.
The majority of my bridesmaids and Maid/Matron of Honor have been great, so I can’t complain. My Maid/Matron of Honor went with me dress shopping and most of my bridesmaids went with me bridesmaid dress shopping. And my Maid/Matron of Honor is planning my whole bachelorette party – but that’s because she wants to.
Post # 15
@joya_aspera: Agreed. But I also take the word “responsible” to mean to show up with it/take care of their dress. I’m having them pick their own dress (within parameters) and just providing a gift card to help cover the costs. But they are responsible to shop for it and show up with it. It may also mean to be responsible for alterations (making and showing up for appointments) even if the bride is paying for that as well.
Post # 16
I went for the first option. I do think its nice for them to throw a shower and bachelorette party, but I don’t think it’s required, and should only involve what they can afford in both time & money. I’ve read quite a few things where it looks like the pre-wedding parties seem to be out of control – weekends in Las Vegas, showers with 100 guests, bridesmaids required to spend > $1000 in total – it just seems like madness to me. I think some brides certainly expect too much.
I expect my girls to show up on time, looking reasonably clean and tidy, wearing the dress I bought them with appropriate shoes/accessories of their own choosing. I would like them to arrange some sort of bachelorette equivalent (I’m not a big party goer, but they were talking about doing a girls day out, spa treatments or afternoon tea etc), but I would not expect it and I’m willing to pay my share of it if necessary. They have offered to help with things I can’t arrange (I’m on the other side of the world from my wedding venue!), and I will graciously accept their offer of help if I have to, but the responsibility for arranging everything falls on me (and FI) alone.