(Closed) What's the worst wedding etiquette mistake you've encountered?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 166
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Not sure if its ‘etiquette’ per-se but my cousin booked her wedding for the same date as ours… 6 months after she knew we had booked ours. Then she proceeded to facebook message me asking who I wanted to invite out of the family and when im sending the invites!!! Trying to let it go over my head so far… (badly trying! ) but u can guarantee my invites will be out first! ! 

Post # 167
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

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Astra:   I had my former Maid/Matron of Honor tell me she wante to wear an offwhite satin gown… luckily we were on the phone so my reaction was less physical.

 

I guess this is poor guest etiquette but I have a friend (early 30’s) who’s mother will receive an invite to a wedding indicating + guest (her Boyfriend or Best Friend of 15 years) but will reply: Ms. Mother & Boyfriend & daughter & boyfriend & son & boyfriend… apparently this is common in their family but if that’s the case then why werent’ they just all invited? Still boggles my mind.

Post # 168
Member
781 posts
Busy bee

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Edooler87:  We almost had the same problem with FI’s sister. Their older sister is serving as their wedding planner and they still hadn’t booked a date by November (We got engaged last June and had the date set 2 weeks before he officially proposed) and had already sent out our save the dates. We get a phone call from FI’s mom “So Big A told Mini A that the 7th sounded like a good day to get married. Don’t worry, we chewed her butt out for you.” They wound up getting married a week after us, but I was glad someone was looking out for us. Could have been disastrous! I hope your situation works out!  

Post # 169
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My cousin wanted to save money on her invitations so instead of sending one to my fiance and I, they sent one to my parents house. Addressed to “Mr & Mrs last name and family” I thought that was pretty rude. I do not live with my family anymore. I’m an adult, and i’m about to be married myself. Her reasoning behind me and my fiance not getting our own invitation? “well you’re not married yet so you’re not a real family so we just gave it to your parents” Um ok?

Post # 170
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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vermonster:  ahhh! My cousin did that to me and my fiance! They addressed the invitation to “Mr and Mrs last name and family” My fiance and i have been living together for 2 years, i’m 28 and he’s 31. Her reson was that we’re not married so we’re not a real family yet and she needed to save money on postage. Our thank you card? Still no sign of it. That was 2 years ago. My parents got one however.

Post # 171
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

This didn’t directly happen to me, but to my FI’s family and I think it was in poor taste. First of all, we were at a family event and FI’s dad mentions they got a wedding invitation but they have no idea who the person is, so FI’s uncle realizes they also got an invitation to this person’s wedding and they also didn’t know them. So they at least realized they most both be related to the person. Turns out I think it is a second cousin or something. They live on the other side of the country from them so it’s not like they were ever planning on attending. The invite was very gift grabby in my opinion.

Well, the story doesn’t end there because a few weeks later (after I’m sure people have made arrangements and spent money to attend the wedding) the couple just posts on facebook (!!) that they didn’t realize how expensive weddings are (really? you already sent out invites, the cost shouldn’t be a surprise at this point!) and instead they are now going to city hall and having a backyard BBQ.

But please, distant relatives, still send gifts. And if you paid for your flight and hotel already, you are now instead getting a backyard BBQ.

Post # 172
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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doglover8790:  i went to a friends wedding. flew to her town and stayed with her. everything was great but as we were getting ready “early” i told her, “oh i wont eat now because i want to save room for the wedding dinner”. she should have mentioned there was no food. she had a small amount of apps. like pretty small. crackers, deli meat and cheese. the wedding was years ago now so its hard to remember but her wedding was really early too. yet the reception lasted forever.. with no food and no open bar. afterwards we all went to the bars at like 9pm and i had to order a burger. i was starved!!!!! esp since i pretty much acted like her Maid/Matron of Honor. her Maid/Matron of Honor wouldnt even buy her a drink at her batch. party and left early. i seen her Maid/Matron of Honor like twice in the two weeks i was there. i pretty sure her Maid/Matron of Honor even left the wedding early. i felt so bad for her , that i had to step up. 

another wedding, i had to tell my best friend not to come since well she wasnt actually invited. i felt really bad even though she kind of knew the couple. my SIL who barly knows the girl getting married invited three people she who i dont think even met the bride! i felt like man i should have told ashton she could come ;-(. 

that same SIL wore her hair like mine for my wedding. she was actually going to do our hairs. the BMs and i but she backed out that morning. she was also a Bridesmaid or Best Man, didnt see her all morning or that whole week really. and she then wore her hair down and curly like mine. i had spoke with her several times over the whole year about how BMs hair was up and mine was down and natural. i thought that was rude since she is a hairstylest

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by Profile Photo .
Post # 173
Member
4813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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robynrox47:   What *is* it with all the “guest-invited guests”???  Does no one have basic good manners?  We are going to end up with an entire table’s worth of guests who were invited by other guests.  At this point I feel like seating them outside on the patio.  LOL    

 

Post # 174
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

My father in law started telling people on the guest list that they could bring extra people, without asking me if it was OK or letting me know. I only found out because people started writing in extra names on the RSVP cards. I gently but firmly explained why this was not acceptable. He had to eat crow and call the guests back to un-invite the extras. It was more than embarrassing, but never once did he offer to pay for the extra people he invited, so oh well!

Post # 175
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

We received a save the date with a link to the wedding website, where the ‘registry’ tab opened to a page that read ‘Monetary gifts preferred.’

Someone must have said something, because it’s now been transformed into a honeyfund.

Post # 176
Bee
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Fourth Presbyterian Church, Chicago, IL & Cheney Mansion, Oak Park, IL

This isn’t quite wedding-related, but its a definite facebook blunder on someone’s part. I’m FB friends with a college acquaintance, and his Girlfriend just changed her profile pic. Someone (one of her friends?) commented on it: When will I be getting a wedding invitation?? You two are great together and look so happy.

I don’t think they’re engaged. Who does that?!?

Post # 177
Hostess
2997 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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doglover8790:  this is not a wedding etiquette faux paux but a pretty crazy request none the less. 

A good friend of mine moved to New York, got engaged, married, and pregnant without letting anyone know. No invites, texts, email, nothing.  THEN, when she was about 8 months pregnant I get a facebook from her and her now husband that they are having a baby and they asked me to donate money to their diaper fund via PayPal!!!!  Exact wording was “donate to help us out with some cold hard cash to buy diapers.”

WTF!??!  Seriously?  <br /><br />

Post # 178
Member
7 posts
Newbee

My sister got married two years ago and had an adult only event.  I’m getting married in October, and when I let her and her husband know that I too was having an adult only event, they freaked out. (They had a child a few months ago). Screamed at me and called me, “the most selfish person on the face of the planet.”  Does that fall under bad etiquette or just being terrible people? 

Post # 179
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow, cannot believe how some people have no comon sense nor tact.

For me, it is my own younger brother and his now wife. There have been too many faux pas from them to mention them all but here are a few:

They did a tantrum over the fact my wedding date would be 2 months after theirs (you get 1 day, not 2 months AFTER your wedding-not like we decided on a date 2 months BEFORE).

They made everyone pay for their own food at their wedding, had a cash bar, and even a fund raising campaign to collect funds in order to pay for their wedding! If you cannot afford your wedding, don’t make everyone around you pay for it.

FH and I originally picked our wedding date in function of the season, fall, which is our favourite season (it has since then been pushed to a later date but that’s another story). The original date intended was close enough so my FH’s 95 year old grandmother could attend (we are unsure when will be the last time we will see her). FH is Chinese and elders are very important in their culture. When I explained this to my brother after his tantrum over the fact we would get married 2 months after him, he plainly said: “People die all the time. You shouldn’t pick your wedding date based on his grandmother.”

That last one is not so much an etiquette breaker as it is just plain rude and mean, though.

Post # 180
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow, cannot believe how some people have no comon sense nor tact.

For me, it is my own younger brother and his now wife. There have been too many faux pas from them to mention them all but here are a few:

They did a tantrum over the fact my wedding date would be 2 months after theirs. You get 1 day of the year, not 2 months AFTER your wedding (not like we picked a date 2 months BEFORE their wedding)!

They made everyone pay for their own food at their wedding, had a cash bar, and even a fund raising campaign to collect funds in order to pay for their wedding! If you cannot afford your wedding, downsize but never let your guests fund it plus pay for their own meal!

FH and I originally picked our wedding date in function of the season, fall, which is our favourite season (it has since then been pushed to a later date but that is another story). The original date intended was close enough so my FH’s 95 year old grandmother could attend (we are unsure when will be the last time we will see her). FH is Chinese and elders are very important in their culture. When I explained this to my brother after his tantrum over the fact we would get married 2 months after him, he plainly said: “People die all the time. You shouldn’t pick your wedding date based on his grandmother.”

That last one was not so much as a faux pas as it was just downright rude and mean, though.

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