(Closed) What's the worst wedding etiquette mistake you've encountered?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 196
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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ohnatto:  I’m just thankful we were not able to attend. I would have felt so embarrassed showing up at her family’s home all dressed up for a reception that wasn’t happening.

Post # 197
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Gaps.  Stupid, unhosted, 3 hour gaps.  It’s a Catholic issue with timing of ceremony and reception having different customs.  We are just having a lunch reception to avoid the massive gap.  The couple we are date sharing with are looking at a 4 hour gap.  It just seems so pointlessly rude to do to your guests.  Then I roll my eyes at it, and people claim I’m acting too old for not thinking gaps are fine.  

Pouting because I gave cash instead of using honeyfund. Erm, how is that different other than you get the extra 7%? Since then, I just take my FMIL’s advice and give the couple a very nice congratulations and best wishes card and call that good.

Multiple shower invites, then not invited to the wedding. 

 

Post # 198
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - White Horse Inn

We are having a gap between two separate ceremonies but we are heeding everyone lunch beforehand. For us it is because everything is outdoors and it is just too damn hot to be outside during the gap time. (And I have to change for a whole different cultural ceremony)

 

as for etiquette I had a friend who got sick and couldn’t make one of bachelorette activities and then the girl hosting it asked her (the bride) to pay her money for the refreshments that were purchased. Seemed unfair when it wasn’t her fault she got the flu and she wasn’t supposed to pay anything anyways. The girl even suggested she reimburse her at the brides own wedding sicne they wouldn’t see each other beforehand. 

Post # 199
Member
586 posts
Busy bee

I love this thread and keep coming back to it. I’ve got two more.

My Uncles marraige to his fourth wife. It was a very small afternoon garden wedding, maybe only 30 people there? After the ceremony the photographer gathered people to take a “family photo”. Family apparently meant only my Uncles parents (my Grandparents) and his siblings and spouses (my Parents and Aunts and Uncles). He had 6 neices and nephews who were left out. It wouldn’t have bugged me too much if the guest list wasn’t so small. There is absolutely no indication that myself or my sisters were even in attendence.

My cousin approached me to ask if it was okay to not give me a plus one. I was a little bummed, but I understood if she wanted to keep her numbers down. I am in a serious relationship, but we aren’t engaged and I guess she did ask me in advance so whatever. Next day, I get a mass email to the entire bridal party letting us know what our “jobs” are for the Stag and Doe. My boyfriend has been enlisted to run a booth. He is expected to help set up, volunteer to be there all night and then help clean. He is also expected to buy a ticket to this event.

Post # 200
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

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mohbestie:  Your cousin sounds like a piece of work. Yeesh! That sucks.

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BBCRats:  What the hell are guests supposed to do during a 3-4 hour gap?? We’re thinking about an hour of cocktails for us to take pictures and them to snarf down hot apps – I can’t imagine leaving them twiddling their thumbs for THAT long!

Post # 201
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

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mohbestie:  on top of all that, why is your boyfriend invited to the stag if he’s not invited to the wedding? Weeeeiiird.

Post # 202
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

My friend who I was Bridesmaid or Best Man for had her engement party almost a year after they got engaged, Im pretty sure it was because one friend was overseas at the time..

The same friend also had a cash bar and didnt put it on the invites. She also wanted us to pay for our own dresses and I dont know about other people, but she didnt ask us anything about budgets ( I was saving for my own wedding) and didnt let us have any input on the dress, the one she picked was like $300..anyways her sister ended up paying for them to use as samples for her business. I also didnt get her a gift just a card after paying for hair and make up. Then at my own wedding they got us a pack of tea towels..I would have rather get nothing from them

My other friend planned her wedding in 5 months and booked it 2 weeks before ours which meant a mutual friend who was her Bridesmaid or Best Man couldlnt get time off to come to mine. this friend also didnt come to our wedding cause her partner was groomsman at a wedding on the same day, I went to school with this friend since I was 5..she also never told me until I asked her to do a reading at ours..

Post # 203
Member
6374 posts
Bee Keeper

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doglover8790:  This isn’t me personally but I was astounded when I heard this:

Where I’m from (England) it’s pretty common to have two ‘sets’ of guests: one set, usually close family and friends, who attend the ceremony and sit-down meal; and then a second group, usually more distant family/co-workers etc who attend the evening reception. This is very common; most people have it ‘tiered’ like this.

I was talking to my OH’s friends girlfriends the other day and they were talking about a wedding they’ve been invited to in August. One of their boyfriends (one of OH’s good friends) is best man at this wedding. So imagine their surprise when the invitation comes through and they’ve been invited to the evening only.

I mean seriously, WTF?! How the hell can he be best man if he’s only invited to the evening? What will they be telling people at the ceremony and sit-down meal? ‘Yeah we won’t be having a best man speech because although he was important enough to be asked to be best man, we’ve not actually invited him until the evening’?!

The couple even asked for clarification (one of the rare instances I think it’s OK to do that) and were told that no, there hadn’t been a mistake… :-s

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when they told me lol, how can you be so dumb?!

Post # 204
Member
6374 posts
Bee Keeper

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BBCRats:  Yeah, I don’t get gaps :-s I didn’t even know it was a thing until I joined this forum.

The only real gap we have is between the wedding breakfast and evening reception; this is necessary as the room needs to be taken down (ie chairs and tables removed) and the band need to set up and sound test. However, there are 2 rooms that guests can relax in/order a drink to, plus most of them are staying at the venue and so will probably retire to their rooms to freshen up. Even so we’re only looking at a 1-1.5 hour gap.

The rest of the day people will be entertained/fed/watered even when we’re not around eg while we’re having our photos taken our guests will be served drinks and canapes and our sting trio will be playing.

Post # 205
Member
33 posts
Newbee

I haven’t really been to that many weddings but my Future Sister-In-Law had her engagement party this weekend and certain things were just beyond words. They had a keg and people were doing keg stands! Omg! Then her and my fiancée’s younger brother invited a bunch of underage kids to drink at their party. Her fiancée and his friends kept leaving to smoke pot. Of course to top it all off the cops showed up because the neighbors complained about the noise. I would have been embarrassed, engagement parties are supposed to be classy and a celebration of your engagement this felt like a frat party. Oh well to each their own.

Post # 206
Member
601 posts
Busy bee

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aussiemum1248:  I am actually doing this. only one of the 4 children will be invited. 2 are not invited because they are under our age cutoff of 21 and another is not invited because every time he drinks he causes a scene. the cops were called the last Christmas I had the pleasure of spending in his presence. He is 30 and just a hot mess. 

Post # 207
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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daniellemc:  I actually did that with one set of cousins who didn’t reply to my several “address please!” requests.  If you’re not going to tell me where you live….then your parents are getting an “and family” invitation for my wedding.  We had spare invitations and postage so it wasn’t even a financial thing, it was literally an “I have no idea where you live” problem, lol.  Oh well, I tried!  

The worst etiquette breach I have been on the receiving end of was a former coworker who invited me to her engagement party, her shower and bachelorette party….but not the wedding.  In fact I got an email from her (after attending all these other gift giving events where I brought very nice presents bc I did genuinely like this girl) about specifically not being invited to the wedding bc of space constraints.  I have a big family myself and I get it that space is tight when you’re factoring in a bazillion relatives but after I learned that all the other coworkers in the group that were genuine friends outside of work other than me and two other guys (who obvs weren’t part of the “girls only” events) were invited….I’ve just never felt the same about her since.  All she had to do was not have me at the shower & bachelorette and I probably would not have given it a second thought. 

Post # 208
Member
601 posts
Busy bee

my FI’s brother’s “wedding” was just a huge cluster f..k. 

To begin they get engaged and set their date for October 2013. Everyone gets the save the dates, families start making travel arrangements, etc. Well we figured we would wait and have ours summer 2014 to give the family a good gap in between weddings since they are all out of state and would have to travel in again. Well August 2013 rolls around and his brother decides to “postpone” their wedding. Well their postponed wedding date was now 3 months before ours. Whatever no big deal but kinda shitty for the extended family as a lot of them now felt they had to choose one brother’s wedding to attend as some could not attend both with only a few months in between. 

Okay so once again family makes travel arrangements, takes time off work, etc. Its now March and the bride to be has her shower where they received plenty of high end items they registered for (seriously there was nothing under $80 on their registry). My Fiance goes and gets his tux I go buy a new dress we send in our RSVPs then FIVE WEEKS before the wedding we get a TEXT that the wedding is now cancelled (and his brother suggests my Fiance should cancel ours as well since he isn’t fond of me). The (would be) bride to be then texts me asking advice how on they should split the shower gifts! SHE SERIOUSLY THOUGHT THEY COULD KEEP THE SHOWER GIFTS! I explained to her the proper thing to do is to return all the gifts to those who gave them. Her response was “do you know how much that is going to cost me to have to mail some of these back!” and then she decided she would just ask everyone individually if they really wanted their gift back and if she had to give it back she was just going to return it to the store and send them a gift card for the returned amount….. BITCH I DON’T WANT STORE CREDIT TO SOME OVER PRICED FANCY STORE I WILL NEVER SHOP AT!

Yeah…… needless to say there are a lot of pissed off people after all that…

Post # 209
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

When I was 21 or something and had been dating Mr. Lampshade for a year or two, he asked me if I wanted to go to his coworker’s wedding. I hadn’t been to a wedding since I was a child and kept asking him if there was an invitation I could look at because I had no idea what to wear and all that. And I asked if I was actually invited, or if it was just him… I’d gone to high school with the girl but wasn’t really friends with her so I felt kind of weird about it. He said to relax; that that the invitation was verbal and that she was getting married in the backyard of her apartment complex and there would be hot dogs and hamburgers afterward and it would be no big deal. We were thinking that it’s like any old kegger and tons of people are going to be there.

So we dressed casually (I wore jean shorts and a WHITE EYELET tank top). I don’t think we brought a gift or even a card. There was like practically no one there except some of this girl’s friends who we went to high school with and they all had suits on. I felt weird like I was crashing or something, because clearly everyone else there was really important to her. I still don’t know if I was actually invited or not! And I don’t know why Mr Lampshade was invited because he wasn’t that close with this couple.

Post # 210
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think a wedding with no favors is bad taste. Thank your guest for coming geez!

 

Also I was IN a wedding, and never received a thank you. I shelled out a LOT of money on being a part of that wedding, and a nice gift. To not get a Thank You is NOT okay! 

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