(Closed) What's the worst wedding etiquette mistake you've encountered?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 227
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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CupcakeX89:  wow! Absolutely shameless. 

Post # 228
Member
3650 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

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MrsEdamame:  you said Since when did an investment in your personal health excuse you from properly thanking people for gifts? lol

I guess when the first someone thought “I’ll tell my guests that in lieu of giving them cheap crap as a wedding favor, I’ll tell them I donated money to a charity.”Even though the two concepts are not related, now they are in that bride’s mind. And now, in the minds of many brides.So it’s hardlly a big leap for the next line of thinking: in lieu of me thanking you (which I don’t want to do) I’m doing somehting else that I want to do. My day, all about me, etc.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by Profile Photo .
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by Profile Photo .
Post # 229
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

This is more in the “drama” catagory than “faux pas”  but I recently went to the wedding of a close high school (male) friend who I’ve kept in touch with over the years.   My family is also very close with his family.  Our older sisters were bridesmaids in each others weddings, he is also good friends with my brother, my dad mentored his brother in law, etc. etc.  

 

Well, my brother and I attended their wedding.  We went to congratulate them in the receiving line and she was very standoffish to me.  We were sat at a table with a bunch of her friends while everyone we knew was seated elsewhere.  (the grooms mother even came by to check up on us because she felt bad about where we were seated).   A few months later the bride posted an album of photos from the photobooth at their wedding, and the ones my brother and I had taken were mysteriously not there.  Fast forward to a couple weeks later and the thank-you card comes in the mail addressed to “[my name] and Josh”  …My brother’s name is Joseph.  Not Josh.   I’ve taken it as a cue that she really doesn’t care for my friendship with her husband.

 

The lessons I learned from her for my wedding?  Be a gracious and considerate host with nothing but smiles for everyone. And make a point of getting to know/connect with your fiance’s close friends. 

Post # 230
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I absolutely LOVE this thread!!

My partners sister got married and had a wishing well, one of those ridiculous poems on the invite etc… but the odd thing; it was requested that your name go on an envelope the money was in!

At the wedding, there was a note on the well that said “Green notes only, ha ha” (Green being the colour if our $100 note here) I don’t see it as a funny joke. I felt so awkward because we were going through a terrible time financially and struggled to afford the $50 we gave. 

She also chose her date knowing it was her nephew’s 10th Birthday, insisting that my partners brother and wife came but no kids. 

 

Post # 231
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Honestly, the worst things I’ve ever seen are things that everyone else has listed already

1. No thank you notes or ALMOST WORSE, just a printed post card with the picture of the couple that says “thank you for your gift” – no handwritten note. Honestly, if you’re that lazy, rude, and inconsiderate that you can’t write a personalized note for every gift you receive, its probably better that you not send it at all and I can wonder if your heartfelt note was lost in the mail. It was like having the lack of manners and upbringing delivered directly to the mailbox.

2. Not enough chairs or food at the reception. Ettiquite is all about the comfort of your guests.

I can’t believe someone on here listed “no favors” as bad ettiquite. Please. Learn the definition of ettiquite. 

All my other horror stories are things the bride and groom couldn’t help (drunk guests, fire ants – omg) and wouldn’t really be considered an ettiquite faux pas.

Post # 232
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

My cousin decided to get married Labor Day weekend in the middle-of-nowhere New York. Keep in mind, Labor Day weekend is but a few weeks after our annual family reunion so she’s immediately making it impossible for most family to attend as they’d have to pay for two trips to NY in one month.  She sent the invite (but no save the date) several months in advance and it said on the invite that everyone had to find their own accomodations as there was no room block and it was recommended to book early since it was a holiday weekend. Seems like to perfect situation to have created a room block!

I bought her gift about a month after I’d gotten engaged and was still in my “I”m engaged, I’m happy for EVERYONE!” glow and, because I felt a little badly for her knowing that she and her fiancee were paying for their own wedding as my aunt isn’t super happy about her daughter being gay, I decided to get something off their registry and add a check. The package, with $150 check included, was sent off and I heard nothing back… I check the FedEx status and see that it couldn’t be delivered because no one was there to sign for it. Oh, well, that explains it! I send my cousin a quick FB message, letting her know her wedding present is at FedEx and would she prefer that I have it sent somewhere else? She replies that they’ll get it. Weeks go by, and there’s still no note. So I check the status again — the package still hasn’t been picked up and FedEx says it’s about to return it to me. WTH?! If you have a package notice, don’t you run to pick it up? And wouldn’t you move double-time if you knew it was a wedding gift?

A day or two later I get a FB message with a photo of the box captioned “thanks!” A week later the check gets cashed. To this day, I haven’t received an actual thank you note. And she saw me in person after I’d sent the gift and didn’t even offer a verbal thanks.

Post # 233
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee

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lealorali:  Holy.friggin.crap. No pun intended.

I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a friend’s wedding last July….after all the time/money all of us BMs spent on her wedding and its planning, NO card from her at all, and my SO spend a decent amount of money on their gift from us(and trust me….we spent a lot on her shower/bachlorette) Im not trying to sound grabby, but after the wedding pictures are posted on the photographers site/FB, there are loaddddds of pictures with the 2 MOHs and her, and apparently they had a hotel room the night before…..Um, there were 5 Bridesmaid or Best Man total. Us other 3 of not honor weren’t special enough to have good photos with the bride and spend time with you the night before. And the one Maid/Matron of Honor told me at the after party, that it was the brides idea….hmm. I feel like that wedding was a waste of time, cause I barely talk to her, and her husband proceeded to block me on FB, cause Im a horrible person-ha.

 

Post # 234
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

we went to a wedding in February where the bride refused to speak/shake hands or even half acknowledge the grooms friends or family. she would just blank you if you tried to make eye contact or conversation. there was even a receiving line as we all proceeded in to the reception room…. but awkwardly she, and her family, made no attempt to greet the grooms friends and family, so we ended up just awkwardly filing past muttering hellos and thank yous. the grooms parents were just like regular guests as they had not  been involved in any of the planning so didn’t really  know much about the format of the day. they do not have a nice relationship with their sons new wife which is sad, but we were just so shocked how someone could be so rude to guests at their own wedding.

Post # 235
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - The Boatshed Restaurant

My/FI’s bad: not sending STD/invitation to his Godmother! Horrified! In my defence, I didn’t know he even had a Godmother…and he didn’t really know either!? And no-one mentioned her in the multiple times we discussed guest list. His family are a little unusual in terms of communication…and they all live in London and we’re in Australia.

A friend’s upcoming wedding…I’m not v happy with her at the moment for various reasons, so am probably over-sensitive to anything related to her:

1. Hen’s Weekend includes a $200 ‘buy-in’ + going out for drinks that you pay for + a morning tea at her Mum’s house the following day, where we’re expected to bring a hand-written recipe and make it (+ $50 to cover food…ummm I’m making it!?)…plus there’s a registry. So much money grabbing, I’ve declined all events (it’s my first weekend after some major exams so am going away with FI)

2. On the wedding website, it details all events for the ‘Wedding Weekend’ including rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, rehearsal after-dinner-drinks (for immediate family only of course…but advertised?)…and a horrific poem for their honeymoon fund, mortage fund AND registry (where nothing is under $200).

To make matters worse, the wedding venue is in the middle of nowhere (3hr away) with no taxi’s available (rural Australia)…so someone in each couple will have to be designated driver as no other guests are ‘allowed’ to stay at the venue. Oh and it’s on a weekend where there’s a food and wine festival and immediately prior to ‘leaver’s’ where the graduating kids from school flock after their final exams…Sigh.

Post # 236
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Woo boy.  I haven’t seen anything like most of these, for which I am glad.  It’s kind of (bad) funny to me that I feel horrible about taking not quite 3 weeks to finish my shower thank yous and some people never bother to send them.  I won’t claim to enjoy writing thank-yous but the least I (or anyone else) can do is show a little gratitude for other people’s generosity.  

I went to a wedding two weeks ago where probably 1/4 of the guests didn’t show.  And for those that came, several did not know how to dress for a wedding.  It was a semi-formal buffet dinner and some people showed up in cargo shorts.  The photographer was wearing jeans!

Post # 237
Hostess
8575 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

This is an old thread, but one of the worst weddings I went to was my Aunt’s.

This was 11 years ago, so maybe things were different back then, but really, I used her wedding as a model of what NOT to do for mine.

 

First off, they had a cash bar. Fine. Okay. I couldn’t even drink at the time and I could tell how irritated guests were. I think people could get over it if there was something else to drink. There were no water pitchers on the tables, there were no drinks provided. If you wanted a can of coke, it was $2, at the bar. It was seriously awful.

Second off, they had a family style meal. Normally, that’s totally fine. Except they put 12 people at an 8 person table. Not only was it super uncomfortable and we had to sit really far away from the table to give each other some eblow room, but the catering company didn’t add more food to the tables. You can guess that there wasn’t enough food to go around. Me and my mother didn’t eat to let others eat. Once they got their plates, we had what was left. What did we eat? We each had a tablespoon of greenbeans and mashed potatoes, and a very hard crusty dinner roll – which we didn’t eat. We at least got to eat the dessert, which was a condiment sized cup of sherbert. Also, there was no cake.. it was boxed up for guests to take home as our “favor”.

We left immediately after the first dance as we were STARVING and we wanted to make it to mcdonald’s before they closed. But other horrible things we heard about their wedding was that there were no lights in the bathroom, they ran out of toilet paper, people were buying alcoholic drinks but no regular drinks, and since they hadn’t eaten much they were getting trashed FAST.

Post # 238
Member
17 posts
Newbee

I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for my cousins wedding and couldn’t believe the multiple poor ettitquette decisions she made. 

1) Initially they were just going to e-mail everyone instead of sending an actual invitation. When my Grandmother said she thought that was in poor taste, my cousin ordered invitations but did not put any stamps on the reply cards! I know stamps are expensive but I thought that for the older guests (lots of family over 60) that it was simply rude. 

2) As a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I never got an invitation to the wedding! She included my name on the invitatin to my parents but I live across the country from my parents, have lived away from home for over 7 years, and was 25 at the time! 

3) When we all got our Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts she included a nice little thank you note. It was sweet until my two other cousins who were also BMs saw my card and we realized she wrote the exact same thank you to each of us. The only difference was our name in Dear (insert name)! 

4) She had a party for the BMs and GMs to meet each other and never invited me. I do live four hours away and probably wouldn’t have been able to come but it would have been nice to know that I was welcome instead of finding out about it after the fact. 

5) My 16 year old cousins got invited with dates (neither had a BF) but I was not and had been dating someone for over a year. 

 

The last faux-pas I blame on the Maid/Matron of Honor (her mother) who wanted to control every aspect of the planning. She never let any other BMs help and as a result I didn’t even know when the bridal shower was (nor ever got any information about the bridal shower) until my Mom got an invitation and told me about. This was after I had repeatedly ask what I could do to help. The whole experience made me feel like I wasn’t wanted and by the end of the wedding I didn’t even know why I had been asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. 

Post # 239
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Oh I have some GOOD ones.

1.  I received a VERY formal invitation- Gate-fold with a belly band and a rhinestone button, Pearly paper, letterpress with gold foil, hand-calligraphied envelope.  When I opened up the card, a Target wedding registry card fell out.  Seriously?  Etiquette aside, why ruin your incredibly formal presentation with that?

2.  I attended a wedding that was BYOB.  At a reception hall- not outdoors or informal by any means.  People were all dressed up and walking in with cases of beer and wine coolers. 

3.  When I was a teen, I attended a cousin’s wedding where the entire bridal party was wasted.  To the point where a couple of groomsmen got into a fistfight on the dance floor and had to be escorted out.  The best man also did a toast that included quite a few swear words.  When the head table was cleared away, there were several broken glasses left behind.

Post # 240
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

One of my friend’s mothers posted a status on Facebook inviting ALL of her Facebook friends to her daughter’s wedding, including the date, time and location…I would have been furious! Not only was it tacky, but she just invited over 500 people to the wedding without even asking her daughter! Definitely cringe-worthy.

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