(Closed) What's the worst wedding etiquette mistake you've encountered?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 241
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

I had a friend of a friend send my girlfriends and I a group message on Fb asking for our addresses so he could send us our invitations. They booked a venue and needed to meet a 200 person minimum. Few months go by and turns out they picked out another venue and slashed their guestlist. Only 2 of us 7 girls made the cut. I wasn’t hurt or anything. I’m not even close to him and I was very surprised when he asked for my address to begin with. 

Post # 242
Member
229 posts
Helper bee

My cousin ‘C’, her wedding was to not allow children. I didn’t agree but her wedding so her choice. So she didn’t invite my brother….. This is my TWIN brother. We’re in our mid 20’s. My mother politely asked about this, assuming it was an error. Nope apparantly there was no room for him. Yet she gave me a plus one? 

Her and my bro fell out over it. I was transporting my gran there and back. So couldn’t back out or I would of done. Bro understood.

anyway back story C had been TTC for years no success. Decided to get married instead. So when I fell pregnant she took it as a personal attack and   uninvited me to her wedding. Even after I had spent £180 on a kitchen aid that she asked for. So my gran couldn’t go. Caused a massive family argument and no one on her mothers/my aunts side ended up attending. Except C’s parents and siblings. 

 

Not sure if that’s lack of ettiquet or just her being a bitch. 

Post # 243
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

I’m not sure if this is considered bad ettiquete or not but it was pretty lousy.

I was recently a bridesmaid for one of my friends from college.  She decided to have an outdoor wedding…..in Chicago….in October, where it can be 80 degrees or 40 degrees, sometimes within the same day.

We have had a pretty cool summer and fall and the weather forecast the entire week was for unseasonably cold weather that day with a chance of flurries.  Everyone kept asking her if she had a back up plan to have the ceremony indoors if the weather was cold.  Nope, she insisted the ceremony would be outside, rain or shine.  Even the groom was begging her to have it inside.

The day of the wedding it was super windy, rainy and about 40 degrees out.  None of us had jackets or coats as we froze our butts off.  The bridal party was the only ones outside – the other guests that actually showed up watched from the inside through the windows.  Word had gotten out that the bride was refusing to have the ceremony inside so hardly anyone showed up for the actual ceremony.

We were all so upset at her selfishness that we had a pretty crappy time at the reception (which was held at the same place as the ceremony, so it’s not like she could not have had the ceremony inside).  The bride and groom got into a huge fight over it and we all had to be there with soaking wet dresses and shoes for the remainder of the evening.  Then she got pissed when I left early because I felt like crap.

I haven’t spoken to her since.

Post # 244
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

you know how some couples in lieu of receiving gifts, they ask their guests to donate to a charity? Well one wedding I went to had that concept twisted and put a sign up that said “in lieu of wedding favors and thank yous, we have donated to [this charity] as it is close to our hearts”. My reaction was – Uhm what? You will receieve gifts from your guests but won’t spend money for a thank you card? Wack! Also as an after thought, the donation wasn’t even made in the guests’ names so we could write it off on taxes. Lol it was so bizarre! It would have been better if they just didnt put the sign up!

Post # 245
Member
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

The worst ettiquette faux pas associated with my wedding was when my Mother-In-Law took to Facebook to post this without ever asking us or mentioning it:

 ‘To all my wonderful nieces & nephews, you all know by now that your cousin [H] is getting married in a few weeks and I wanted you to know that although he would have loved to invite all of you, due to the fact that Eckle& him are paying for the whole thing they were unable to invite as many as they wanted, so they stopped at Aunts & uncles. I thought I’d let you know I’m sorry (yes this is his job but he is never on fb and working constantly so I thought I would help out) Love you all tons, Aunt [her own name misspelled]’

It was hella embarassing and so very inaccurate. My parents paid for a good chunk of the wedding and my grandmother contributed as well. Also the reason his cousins weren’t invited was because he did want to invite them! Heck, his uncle who was invited didn’t even recognize him in a photo we sent out with our Christmas card because he sees him so infrequently. It still boggles my mind that Mother-In-Law thought it was correct etiquette to tell people they weren’t invited. I figured the lack of invite would be hint enough.

Post # 246
Member
409 posts
Helper bee

A friend of mine (who I had been friends with since Kindergarten) had a destination wedding in Las Vegas. There were several things about her wedding that royally p!ssed me off.

1)      After she got engaged she called me to tell me that she really wanted me to be a bridesmaid but choose someone else instead because her mom thought the other girl was a better choice. I mean, why call just to tell me that, so unnecessary & kind of hurtful.

2)      She asked me to come to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. I graciously accepted.  She then told me that I’d better call the restaurant ASAP to make reservations as I had to get my own table and was not “allowed” to sit with her bridal party and family.  I didn’t go.

3)      I spent close to $1,500 to attend her wedding and took 4 days off work. Because of the cost to attend her wedding I couldn’t afford a gift. I got her a very meaningful card. I never got a thank you for attending and to this day she gossips about how I was cheap because I didn’t get her a gift.

4)      She only had between 40-60 people at her wedding – she ignored a group of us and didn’t even say hi, or thank you for coming.

5)      She had her “after party” in a penthouse suite at MGM. A few weeks after the wedding she announced on Facebook that the hotel charged her a $2,000 cleaning fee because the floors were dirty. She then arranged another “reception” in her hometown and invited pretty much everyone on her FB friends list – even the ones that were not “good enough” to get an invite to her Vegas wedding. She rented a hall for $100, provided chips and pop, and then requested everyone pay a cover charge to attend as well as give her a monetary gift. She openly claimed that the only purpose of the second reception was to recoup the cleaning fee that the MGM had charged her. She then also announced a couple of months later (again on FB) that she filed a claim with her credit card company in regards to the cleaning fee and won, not having to pay the $2,000. To me, it seemed like a big fundraiser which I thought was so incredibly selfish. She took her “fundraiser” money and went on quite the fancy honeymoon :/

 

Post # 247
Member
3829 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

bride2bebe:  thats what i think whenever i attend a wedding where they make a donation instead of favours. “Enjoy your tax write off”. 

Post # 248
Member
992 posts
Busy bee

So, Fiance has had three friends get married in the last year. I suppose since everyone is in mid-20’s that all the following can be attributable to age, and honestly, we were able to laugh them all off and keep them in mind as what NOT to do for our own wedding next year. Here they are:

Wedding #1: We received a STD addressed to both of us, but the invitation came just to Fiance. When he asked about it, we were told that they couldn’t afford +1’s for everyone. I was willing to leave it at that, but Fiance was pretty ticked since he knew of at least two others who got +1’s for people who had been dating less time than we had AND I’d taken off work since my name was on the STD. He pushed and the couple relented and said I could come….we show up and found that we had been seated AT THE KIDS TABLE. Seriously. We had seats in the back corner with no one over the age of 16. Meanwhile, there were some no-shows at the table where FI’s friends were, so we moved.

Wedding #2: FI’s name was spelled wrong on the STD. No big deal (except he’d known the groom for like 15 years, lol), he called to let them know. It was right on the invitation, but then wrong on the seating chart & thank you note. I think it annoyed him, but I thought it was funny and teased him that maybe he should take my name instead when we marry since they managed to spell it right.

Wedding #3: registered for wedding favors. Yep. they spread word of mouth that they would prefer cash since they put the entire wedding on CC’s and were hoping to use the cash they receive to pay it off (yikes!), and registerd solely for wedding-related items (for example: they registered for disposable cameras, favor boxes, candy, etc.)

Post # 249
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

amanda.417:  They registered for wedding favors?!?!?!  I have seen questionable things on wedding registries but I think that takes the cake for me.  

Post # 250
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Vintage Movie Theater

I was invited to attend the wedding of my fiance’s friends and it was terrible.  Ceremony was on a Friday afternoon so I had to take off work.  Reception site was 45 minutes away (highway) but cocktail hour didn’t start until 2hours later, so 300 guests sat in the hotel lobby and waited just to be coraled into a back hallway and each veggies and ranch dressing.  (I was extra annoyed bc my fiance was a groomsman, and I only knew people in the wedding party, so I was alone this whole time.  Thankfully, they had an open bar, so I drank. A lot).  By the time we finally got to enter the reception space everyone was hungry and cranky, but the bride decided to push back their entrance/everything because her aunt had to run home and let her dog out! Everything about the wedding was designed to take pretty pictures and it still drives me crazy when I think about the full day!

But my cousin got married on New Years Eve and had a dry reception, so that might be worse!

Post # 251
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This one wasn’t even the bride or groom fault, but the priest! he decided to call both parents up front in church and proceed to make a speech about their marriages, and how the bride and groom should mirror their relationship on their parents, and have long lasting marriages, where there is love, blablabla, and it would be great IF the brides parents weren’t divorced for over ten years because her father cheated on her mother! The whole church was silent, the bride was crying (and I don’t think they were happy tears), really awful!

Post # 252
Member
992 posts
Busy bee

 

pinky516:  This is a huge fear of mine! Our wedding will have a gap between the wedding & reception and the last thing I want is to have all of my guests feel like they are stuck sitting around with nothing to do! Because we’re getting married in our Church, our only options as far as times were 1:00 in the afternoon or 7:30 at night, so we’re doing the 1:00, finished around 2:00, then four hours between that and the reception. It’s super common with Catholic weddings, but I still feel really awful knowing that our out of town guests will basically have to find something to do to pass the time.

Do you think your overall impression of the wedding would have been better if the bride and groom had provided a list of suggested activities (museums, parks, shopping, local attractions, etc) so you didn’t feel like you were stuck in the lobby? We’re also really hoping to be able to buy a house between now and next summer; if we do, we’ll offer that as an alternative place for people to go hang out.

Post # 253
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Vintage Movie Theater

amanda.417:  I think letting the guests know about the gap ahead of time and giving some suggestions on how to pass the time would be a great idea!  If I would have known there was a long wait just for the cocktail hour to start, I would have never went straight to the venue!

Post # 254
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - country club in Michigan

amanda.417:  This happened at my brothers wedding (2:00 start time, also Catholic). Immediate family and the wedding party went to my parents house to watch football and eat pizza, and others went home, or back to the hotel. It wasn’t ideal but…it happens. No one complained that I know of. 

Post # 255
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - country club in Michigan

The mistake I noticed wasn’t huge in the grand scheme of things, but still hurtful.

 

I spent $1,500 to attend and be a part of the wedding party for my brothers out of town wedding. This included having to travel twice (shower and wedding), hair, makeup, shoes, dress, and gifts for both the shower and wedding. 

 

My thank you card? A picture of them holding a banner that said “Thank You”. No note. No “To EMM” written anywhere. All I got in the mail was that picture. Relatives who spent $1,000+ to help with expenses (an uncle bought the cake, others paid for various events surrounding the wedding) got the same exact card with zero personalization.

 

I was pretty hurt they couldn’t even write a SINGLE sentence on the back of the photo to personalize the note (E.G. EMM, thank you for the fancy bowl and candle sticks, they are so nice and we love them. XOXO Brother and SIL”). There were also a number of pissed off relatives…

  • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  Emm85.
  • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  Emm85.

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