(Closed) What's the worst wedding etiquette mistake you've encountered?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 271
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

The soon to be married couple put up a message on facebook. They asked everyone invited to the wedding, and even those who were not to either give them their empty pop and alcohol bottles or the money they get from returning their empties. They explained that all the pop bottle money would be what was paying for the alcohol at their wedding. 

They more or less let people know that the amount they collected would directly impact how much would be available to drink at their wedding.

The wedding is coming up in two weeks.. I’m interested to see how much alcohol they were able to buy 🙂

What???!!!!!

Post # 272
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

SO’s family (sister, parents) went to this wedding, I didn’t. But I have to preface this by saying the bride and her circle are a little.. off.  They’re not anything like the people you’d find here, so they probably didn’t even think about what faux pas they were committing.

The reception was held at a cramped bar in the middle of a metropolitan area, so there was NO parking. They drove around for a long time looking for a spot to park. Then, when they finally got in to the bar, the food available was pasta, and that’s it (as you can imagine, bar pasta is usually gross). 

SO’s sister ate, but her parents did not. The next day the father of the bride was complaining because they ‘came out short’ on what they owed the bar because SO’s parents didn’t pay for food they didn’t eat. Yes, that’s right, they expected them to actually buy their own dinner, not just figuratively ‘pay for their plate’ through a gift (and they gave a gift–they paid for the bride’s mother’s transport so she could come!).  And there was no way they could opt out (ie not eat)! 

The kicker? Each plate was apparently worth FORTY DOLLARS. WHAT? For bar pasta? No way. Nobody told them it was buy-your-own, either.

My mouth just hung open when I heard the story. I couldn’t even believe it.

Post # 274
Member
14 posts
Newbee

OMG, so many wedding faux pas in my own wedding drama so far.

1. Grandma (who hates me) claims she can’t come to wedding because it’s too far.  Yes, it’s a 4 hour drive.  No less than a dozen people have offered to drive her to us.  The kicker: our wedding is the day before the family reunion she attends EVERY YEAR and it’s located 40 minutes from our venue.  She would have had to have spent time over night in the area anyhow that night!  She wanted me to beg her to come.  I didn’t.  She eventually relented and is now “on board” and not “too tired to bother”.

2. Cousin and his wife (who doesn’t like me and asked my sister to be a bridesmaid but deliberately left me out ages ago) tell their parents that they will be booking a hotel separate from the venue hotel so the kids can swim after they get the save the date.  This was relayed to my father by his brother.  His brother says this and rather than my father reminding him that kids under 8 aren’t invited (and they will have 3 of them) and that the StD was NOT addresed to their children but only the two of them, he invites them.

I then had to spend my time trying to un-invite them.  We can only have 65 people in the church.  We are at MAX CAPACITY.  You replied to an email about it, Dad, saying “no more invites”.  How is that hard?  Thankfully, it all seems to have calmed down and they are aware now.

 

Post # 275
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

TwinkleBoss:  They are your family, you can say something. The planning of a bridal shower is meant to be a surprise, not the existance of a bridal shower. Therefore, you are well within your rights to say “hey, do you need a list of those invited to the wedding so you don’t accidently invite people who aren’t and make them feel awkard?” – simple, to the point and reminds them of a problem they may not have thought about. <br /><br />

Post # 276
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

The biggest etiquette blunder I have seen was committed by the couple getting married. The invites said that the ceremony started at 4pm. Location: barn. What it did not say was that there was one horse-drawn carriage to take guests from the barn to the site of the ceremony. The carriage could only accomodate like 20 guests, and there were about 65 people in attendance.

Not only did the carriage have to make 3 trips, but the ceremony started an hour late because the couple failed to denote that guests should arrive 40 minutes prior to the ceremony’s start time as transportation to the ceremony would be provided. So people were showing up five minutes before the ceremony, as many guests justifiably assumed that the ceremony would be taking place at the barnhouse. The carriage took 10 minutes to get from the barn to the ceremony setup, and 10 minutes to get back to the barn.

It was cold, rainy, and windy too.

I have totally seen on invites something like “Ceremony starts at 4pm, please arrive at X location by 3:40 as transportation to the ceremony will be provided”. Would it have killed them to add something like that instead of make guests who traveled from all over wait in the cold for an hour for the stupid carriage to make its trips?

Post # 277
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Also, the wedding planner kicked out a guest who had a little too much to drink. He wasn’t getting obnoxious or anything, but he was clearly having a VERY good time.

Now, this was a very good friend of a groom. Neither the bride nor the groom asked the planner to kick this guest out. Perhaps a meddlesome parent said something to the planner, but she should not have done anything unless the either the bride or groom specifically asked her to. When the guest went to say goodbye to the groom, it became clear that the planner was operating on her own volition (or someone else’s who wasn’t the bride or groom), so the groom asked his friend to stay, and then the groom had a stern talk with the planner. Shortly thereafter, the planner spoke with the bartender and they closed the bar (because town ordinance prohibits alcohol from being served after 9pm or something) and had everyone leave. The couple had wanted to pay the vendors for an extra hour as everything had gotten pushed back by an hour (as is customary in the event of a long delay), but the venue wouldn’t let them. Also, the city ordinance excuse was just that–an excuse. They don’t apply to religious ceremonies, and as this was a private event, not a public bar, they were just trying to shut the wedding down to be vindictive.

Post # 278
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee

OK–my friend told me she had this exerience yesterday.  They were at a wedding.  The happy couple “thoughtfully”” placed envelopes marked “wedding cash” on EVERY PLATE at the reception venue {along with a cash bar}.  She said as the evening wore on, people were writing rude comments on the empty envelopes and putting them in the satin bag placed ever so thoughtfully on the dance floor!

Post # 279
Member
44 posts
Newbee

This thread is so entertaining! Luckily, all the weddings I have been to have been lovely! 

But..I have a story from my wedding that I would consider bad etiquette.  We got married at a venue that only had 2 rooms..it was an old opera house and had an upstaires ballroom which we used for the reception and a terrace level which we used to get ready. it opened up to a beautiful patio and gardens and was located on a river…we had the Ceromony on the patio. Originally we werent going to rent the whole building, but found out that we couldn’t use the gardens for pictures unless we rented the terrace level, which wasnt really big enough for the reception. The gardens were one of the reasons I wanted to use the venue, so instead of renting this cute chapel down the rd, we used the $ and rented the whole venue..which was perfect.

The only thing…was there were different people using the *private* gardens for pictures..senior pics, engagement pics, etc. it was clearly marked private and was set up for a wedding so I was baffled but didn’t really care too much. But then about 5 minutes before we had our first look in the gardens, I saw a whole wedding party and family walk out to the patio that was set up with *my* decorations for *my* ceromony and began posing for pictures! They had gotten married at the cute little chapel down the rd and saw the beautiful gardens and a decorated patio and decided to pop down and take some pics. My first thought when I saw them walk onto the patio was “oh shit, they double booked!” And then I realized that wasnt the case of course.  2 of my bridesmaids went out and basically told them to leave.  The photog kind of argued with them…crazy. Then the manager of my venue got word of it and stormed after them. I wasn’t really mad, I thought it was kind of funny. I was just shocked that someone would think that was ok. And I was annoyed because my Darling Husband and I paid extra for the whole venue just to be able to use the gardens for pics, and then another bridal party just comes down and starts using it! Lol

 

Also, the venue did a big tour with a huge family. Once again, I didn’t really care so much except that they got in the way of us setting up and me and my girls were using the whole terrace level to get ready…needless to say I had tell them before they went down that there were a bunch of females down there getting ready and I wasnt sure what state they’d be in…they decided not to go down there. (Ya think? Lol) I thought it was kind of rude, especially because when I was planning I was specifically told that I could only visit the venue when a wedding was not going on.  

  • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  M.Alana.
Post # 280
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m not sure if this counts as “worst” or anything, but my Fiance and I recently went to a wedding where the bride invited (at least for her side) a ton of people to her rehersal dinner (there were clearly people not in the bridal party) and the like.  When we arrived the night before the ceremony, I saw on FB so many people posting pictures of the reheresal dinner which was also a ‘welcoming’ dinner for those who were coming from out of town.  The next day at the ceremony, the folks that were there (all of us were coworker), looked at me and Fiance and shyly asked us if we just got in that morning, and we said ‘no, we got in last night” and they got super quiet.  When we sat down at our reception table, we all realized that we were the only table not invited to the rehersal dinner (and there were at least 70 people on her side that attended the wedding/reception).  Again, not the worst thing n the world, but kind of stung.

Post # 281
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

My friend and her mother were invited to a shower…… But not invited to the wedding!

Post # 282
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

My Fiance and I had a wedding last year out of state. It was for one of his really good guy friends from schoolso we booked the flight and booked the hotel listed on their wedding website. When we arrive, we come to realize that our hotel is 45 mins away from downtown, where all my Fiance friends decided to stay. Mind you, these hotels were closer to the airport than the one the bride provided on the website so we had to pay double the cabfare than what it would of costed if we were downtown. Not knowing much about the area, we figured we would be in the same hotel with hisfriends (our fault for not double checking where they booked), but I found out that she booked that specific hotel because she didnt want people out drinking the night before her wedding so she made sure it was far away from downtown. Welp, we flew all the way there to be with his friends so of course we pay for cabs the whole weekend just to be in the spot they all were. Not to mention we had never been to this place so we obviously wanted to hit the hotspots – not be stuck in the hotel the whole weekend in the middle of nowhere. So, wedding day comes and we find out only wine and domestic beer is included. If you wanted anything different, you had to pay. Now mind you, they aren’t hard up for money. If I knew they were, I would understand but he makes way more money than the average person. I again find out this was done because the bride didn’t want people drinking hard liquor at the wedding so she made guests pay for it. Then don’t offer it at all verses making people who spent money on airfare, hotel and taking off work to be there to pay for their drinks. I was so angry that we had to spend about $300 extra just on cabs back and forth and then more on top of it for the alcohol AND a gift. I knew it wasn’t my Fiance friend’s fault as it was all her doing but jeez! Both families weren’t from the state so everyone had to fly so really for a ‘destination wedding,’ it should have been WAY MORE accomidating for the guests to enjoy themselves.  If it wasn’t for loving his other friends and having a good time with them, I would have been extremely miserable.

Post # 283
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

ginae1255:  I’m not sure what kind of weddings you’ve been to in the past but all the weddings I’ve been to have very rarely included hard liquor. My parnter and I are “well-off” but it’ll just be beer, wine and soft drinks on our bar tab. 

Totally sucks about the cab fares though! Incrediably selfish of the bride. 

Post # 284
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My cousin had a train wreck.  

MOB bought the same dress as her daughter. Seriously. Plus, daughter is petite and delicate and her mother is not.  It was like two VW Bugs in a sausage casing.  Bride hasn’t spoken to her mother since. Bride is a nice, normal sweetheart. 

MOB was also behind the bridesmaid dresses. Which she “fixed” to cover more boobs.  By cutting the skirts to mid thigh. So all of us wore black J Crew dresses found on 36 hours notice.

Cousin and my shared aunt promptly had a temper tantrum with stomping feet over the serving of alcohol – gee, a Irish family and a German/Finnish family, both who feel obligated to live up to cultural stereotypes concerning alcohol, what did she expect? She’s gonna have fun with my Swedish/Faroese fiance’s family who also promote cultural stereotypes. There will be alcohol consumed directly from the bottle at some point. Probably more than once.

Another cousin, the spawn from tantrum aunt, lit up a joint in front of the county sheriff, who was related on the bride’s side.  That was entertaining at least.

There was probably more, but I happily got drunk and forget the rest.

Post # 285
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

I am friends with a girl on facebook (I’m not invited to her wedding and haven’t spoken to her in 3 years) who is getting married. She posted a status saying not everyone gets a plus one and people need to get over it. (How sweet).

 

About a week after that she posted a status that she’s not registering because she has everything needs so please give them cash or gift cards instead.

 

 

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