(Closed) What's the worst wedding etiquette mistake you've encountered?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 301
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

I went to a wedding in October with my best friend who got asked to be a groomsmen last mintue, anyway, I work with the groom and have met his fiance a few times, so she knows me. Friend and I both put $100 or so into a card; when we got there the bride looked at me with the DIRTIEST look and goes “Who is she?!” when I was helping put some decorations at the ceremony site (I didn’t have to, but offered because they were running behind anywho.)

I still haven’t gotten a thank you card and the bride apparently told my friend he shoudln’t have brought me because I’m a rude person (I think the only thing I said to her was congrats and asked her where she wanted the decorations hung.) So you know.

Post # 302
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

I was invited to my cousin’s second wedding (I attended her first as a teenager) on the condition that I would help bartend (at the “donation” aka cash bar), via Facebook message no less. I didn’t attend. My dad and younger sisters did though, there was no dinner, and no cocktail hour with HOURS between the ceremony and reception. There was a dessert reception (all of my aunts brought the desserts). 

Post # 303
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I was invited to a “stock the bar” party for the couple with a ton of other people before the wedding. I love that type of thing, but I did not love learning that they turned around and used all of that alcohol at the wedding. We basically paid to drink at their wedding… Just have a cash bar. 

Post # 304
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee

So this maybe isn’t horrible on the grand scale of things, but it just irked me to no end! 

My fiance’s parents insisted on inviting all these far-flung people (former classmates from graduate school, etc) that they haven’t seen in ages. When talking to one couple, the woman apparently said she didn’t want to bring her husband, and would rather bring her (grown up) son as her date. My fiance and the son don’t know each other, and have never met.

The kicker? She wants to bring her son because he’s never been to the US, and hopes to go to graduate school here. If he has our Save the Date/invitation, he is more likely to get a visa to come to the US. 

Nothing says “special day of love” like someone exploiting your wedding to gain entrance to the US. (For the record: Totally down with him coming to the US. Not down with being used for personal gain by someone we don’t know and who has no investment in our relationship). 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  cateacherbee.
Post # 305
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

It’s funny how etiquette isn’t universal.

 

In Poland, practically all weddings are Catholic. Since you do not host a wedding in Church (God is a host) it is customary for Churches to announce publically (on the street) the information about shoe marrying whom. Wedding within Catholic Church is by definition a public event. Hence, it is very popular to start a facebook event about your wedding  – it is used as an information. If people see that, they attend only a wedding ceremony, if they choose to. No RSVP, no pressure. If you want, you appear in Church. It is customary to basically inform everyone that you’re getting married. Sometimes guests bring small gifts like a book or a card of flowers and always, after the couple leave the church, guests (including those that do not attend reception) line up to bless them and wish them well. Then all the reception guests and bride and groom leave for reception and other guests do whatever they want.

 

I actually found it sad and shocking that it is not customary within American Catholic community. For us in Poland ceremony is far more important that the reception and while it is acceptable to attend only ceremony not reception (and be notified only of ceremony, not invited to reception – note the difference, you’re notified about ceremony, not invited per se), it is never acceptable to attend only reception. Quite the reverse of the American standard. I was shocked that my fiance (he’s American) doesn’t attend his friends wedding if he’s not invited. I attended pretty much all of my distant friend’s wedding if I had been notified on facebook or otherwise. I was overjoyed to witness it and I was really surprised to find out this practice doesn’t exist in northern American in Catholic community. 

 

Also, there are no thank you notes in Poland. I’m getting married in USA and I wouldn’t even consider sending them if it wasn’t for what I just read. 

Post # 306
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Beach

My FH and I are funding our own wedding, which means certain relatives get cut from the guest list. My FH has a large extended family, from which he isn’t very close to a lot of members. My Future Mother-In-Law first was really upset we weren’t going to invite all of her 7 siblings and their kids (and kids’ kids in some cases). Then she got a brilliant idea that a few months before the wedding, she’d have a big cookout and invite all the “others” on her side, in addition to my family and the bridal party, and insisted we give her a few of our engagement photos for her to use for the invites. It essentially was a wedding shower without calling it that. 

We said that it would be rude since the guests might feel obligated to bring a gift for us, and they wouldn’t be invited to the wedding. We don’t want to be THAT couple. Eventually she caved in and said to forget it…

Post # 307
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

Megbee617:  Isn’t that essentially an engagement party? You know, just a way for families to meet and just let everyone know you’re getting married? If you don’t want folks to get the wrong idea and bring gifts, isn’t it easy to state on the invite No Gifts Please?

In a few months we’ll be hosting an engagement party similar to what your mom described that includes all of my dad’s family because we also will be having a very small wedding and won’t be able to invite them. It’s not meant to prod gifts out of them, but again, to let them know we’re celebrating our engagement and want them to feel included. I guess maybe it’s cultural? My Fiance is full Mexican and I’ve since learned that his mother was very disappointed because that was how she actually expected him to propose to me, with a huge engagement party and to propose right then and there! I’m very glad he didn’t haha. But she’s happy for the engagement party and so is my dad (who is also Mexican) and I didn’t realize it would be viewed as some sort of faux pas. My cousin is actually hinting that she’s throwing me a shower and in my mind those were always very small events, typically left for only the bride’s closest friends and female family, not a huge party. 

Post # 308
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Laguna Beach

duplicate, don’t know how to delete it! whoops.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  GabBee.
Post # 309
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Laguna Beach

This thread has kept me entertained all morning at work!

I was Maid/Matron of Honor in my best friends wedding. I drove 5 hours to get there, spent a few days doing all the traditional wedding things. The day of the wedding arrives! Super busy getting ready and no time to eat. Ok, that happens, I know. After the church ceremony, the bridal party stayed for 30 minutes or so taking photos (there was no photography done ahead of time). Then, there’s the 45 minute drive to the reception venue. And then more pictures. 

Meanwhile, the guests had arrived at the reception venue and had started eating. I’m not sure what happened, but the buffet was in full swing when we arrived. By the time the wedding party actually made it out to the reception, there was NO food left. I’m talking nothing. Some lettuce leaf garnishes,  that’s it. The bride and groom received loaded plates of food that had been set aside. 

It was awkward. It seemed like there wasnt enough food for the guests, let alone us. Most of the wedding party left as soon as possible in order to find food. This experience means that my wedding will have too much food. No one will go hungry on my watch! Lol

Post # 310
Member
992 posts
Busy bee

 

tyene:  I think that is fantastic. As an American Catholic bee, I would be overjoyed to include everyone in my wedding. I think that it is a beautiful custom! Sadly, the wedding and the reception are a packaged deal here, and it would be seen as quite rude to invite someone to the wedding, but not the reception afterward.

 

lmeihls:  We’re not having a stock the bar party and I guess maybe I’ve just always misunderstood the concept, but I alway thought that that was the general idea…people bring alcohol to be used for the open bar? Why else would a bunch of people buy the B&G a ton of alcohol right before the wedding?

Post # 311
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My “wedding invitation” for the wedding of a close friend was an emailed PDF containing a list of airfare prices from his travel agent, for their destination wedding in the south.  :S  That was it. 

Post # 312
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Beach

TwinkleBoss:  Well, it’ll be a year and a half after we got engaged, and only 2 months prior to the wedding. Kind of late for that, isn’t it? If she said it was an engagement party, then it wouldn’t be as big a deal since gifts aren’t customary for those parties, but just the way she descibed it sounded more like a shower. Could be cultural, who knows? We’re both Irish so there isn’t a huge family emphasis for us.

Post # 313
Member
953 posts
Busy bee

My uncles first wedding. Now he is only a few years older than I and we were very close.

We have a very small family and he was marrying into a very large family. Her family was paying for the wedding.

Everyone in his family was invited to the wedding, but then only his 3 siblings and thier spouses and his best man and his spouse were invited to the dinner portion of the reception. So myself, my sister and others had to wait a few hours after thier wedding to then attend thier reception party.

Her entire family was included in the dinner. Children, friends..etc. It was the rudest thing ever. My sister didn’t even live in town. We ended up going to dinner ourselves at a nice restaurant.  

This did NOT happen at his second wedding and I am so happy he divorced that girl. 

 

Post # 314
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee

TwinkleBoss:  pinkandgold88:  Whoever is hosting the bridal shower is supposed to ask the bride for a guest list. It’s her day, not the host’s. If the hosts just wants to use it as an excuse to show off to their friends who the bride may not even know, they should just hold a seperate party. I know people who have hosted bridal showers and not invited ANYONE that the bride even knew. No family, no friends, not even bridal party. Um, what? It’s uncomfortable for the bride and very embarrassing. How rude to put her in that position!!

Of course it’s difficult to provide a guest list of people you would want invited if it’s a surprise shower but that shouldn’t be occurring anyway, the host is supposed to ask the bride if she’s okay with having a shower thrown in her honour. I would be mortified if someone took it upon themselves to throw me one as a surprise. I’m not ungrateful, I just don’t like attention and that whole sitting in the middle of the room opening gifts thing horrifies me. And if you don’t open the gifts in front of the guests that were nice enough to give them, some people consider that rude too. Ugh!! The whole bridal shower thing freaks me out!!

Post # 315
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I feel like I’ve seen it all, cash bars, guests who wear white, no rehearsal dinner for out of towners, registry info on the invite…etc people need to buy etiquette books…lol

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