(Closed) What's the worst wedding etiquette mistake you've encountered?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 421
Member
893 posts
Busy bee

I received a lovely wedding invite that had a sticker stuck on the back that said “Monetary gifts appreciated”. I thought it was beyond tacky. 

I also went to a wedding (friends of an ex whom we hung out with often) that served only beef. They knew before hand that both another friend of ours (same circle, we hung out often) and I were vegetarian and made no accommodations. We had to ask for an exta dinner roll (this wasn’t even offered by the servers!!!) who then had to check and see if that was ok! The wedding was out of town. We travelled 3+ hours to get there and spent the night in a hotel and they had to “see” if they could give us a scond dinner roll!!! We were starving. And completely humiliated. 

Post # 423
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

LOVING this thread, lmao.

This isn’t nearly as bad as some, but when my 2nd cousin (my generation) was getting married, my parents received an invitation that did not include my brother and I to their wedding being held a couple of states away. Several weeks before the wedding, my 2nd cousin’s dad phones and mentions that my brother and I can come, too; they just had to wait to see if they had enough space. Then the family complained when my brother and I declined, as we had both already made other plans for that weekend.

The whole situation would not have been a big deal but her family has a history of being controlling and pretentious, and she’s really sweet in person but also a wishy-washy 30+-year-old who still lets her parents communicate for her. I’ll drop my plans and spend my money to come to your wedding when you make it clear that you as a grown-ass woman desire my unique presence, not when your mom and dad decide that there’s enough room to pack in another couple family members.

Post # 424
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

Sorry, double post! Got an error message and thought my post didn’t send! Hope you ladies have a good day!

Post # 425
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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bananafairy:  I do not see the problem with that situation, honestly.

Post # 426
Member
256 posts
Helper bee

My SO was invited to his best friend’s wedding, but his parents were not. They were offended but decided to move on from the situation. About 2 months before the wedding, they received an e-mail stating that since enough people had declined the initial invitation, there was now room for them to be invited. Super tacky. 

Post # 427
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

The faux pas may have been made by me, in inviting for my own wedding. It took place in my in-law’s large home, so it was casual.

My mom was socially awkward, borderline agoraphobic, so I wanted her only time as MOB to be nice. My late dad had a sister, her daughter & daughter’s husband. My mom adored these 3, so of course they were invited by me.

I didn’t invite my late dad’s late brother’s widow, and her son. Maybe that was rude, but the other 3 saw a lot of them. I knew if they came to my wedding, it would have been the 5 of them talking nonstop to each other, about the minutae of their lives, and my mother would be sitting there like a bump on a log, with her mouth shut, politely listening.

As it was, the 3 people my mom liked (she didn’t like the son of the aunt at all) and my mom, had a nice few hours chatting. I was probably rude but I don’t care.

Post # 428
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

some of these are Horrifying.

here’s a really random one: one summer i worked at this summer camp/event center hippie-ish kind of place. the few of us that worked there also lived there. one person’s daughter decided to have her wedding there.

it was held in the house where i and a couple others lived, the caterer served out of our one kitchen, etc. One other person and I were invited to the ceremony and the later part of the reception, but we were explicitly not invited to the dinner part. So we basically had to hide ourselves away at our own home until it was time for us to come out. So weird right? We ended up driving up the road to get a drink. I barely knew the bride, so I get her not thinking of us, but man you were holding it at our house and we were just two people out of several. I know she was saving a lot of money by having it at this place, I wouldn’t think two meals would really break the bank. I also switched my bedroom around to accommodate all her bridal party staying in the house; I helped pick flowers all morning for the wedding and made her flower girl crowns. It was just awkward to be part of everything else, then excluded from dinner- especially when you’re taking over our kitchen, so we couldn’t even make our own dinner.

Well, that’s pretty tame compared to the other stories i’m reading on here!!! hahah! all the gift grabby behavior is just making me CRINGE!

Post # 429
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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gingerminty:  are these THOSE in-laws? If so those people need to get a clue!!

Post # 430
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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modernboho:  I don’t think anyone can go wrong by remembering to treat others with kindness and how we’d like to be treated. It’s pretty bad they didn’t offer you guys a plate of food and some thanks for going out of your way and being inconvenienced, not to mention actually helping out. Some of these experiences have me shaking my head.

It’s like my tenants. If someone comes into my home, even the washer repairman, I offer them at least a bottle of water. My tenants have never even offered me a drink of water from the tap when I’ve been at my property meeting sales reps or repair people. When they come to my home I always offer them soft drinks, coffee or water so I find it odd. That’s how I was brought up. And their manners are otherwise OK so it really has me baffled. When they were first moving in there was a refrigerator that belonged to me in the garage and which I stocked with bottled water we could drink while we were there. I didn’t care that they helped themselves to my water because it was in the midst of summer and damned hot.

Post # 431
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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bananafairy:  The blatant B list and making it obvious. It could have been handled with more tact, and they should have refrained from snide commentary because you and your brother had made other plans since you weren’t invited initially. I don’t think it was wrong to only invite your parents because most of us don’t have unlimited space and budget but they could have been more tactful about it and never indicated they were unhappy you’d made other plans. Some people think the world revolves around them and it’s pretty apparent by just reading most of the posts in this thread.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  notenough. Reason: Spelling
Post # 432
Member
2317 posts
Buzzing bee

I once received an invitation that stated “no boxed gifts or only enveloped givts” I cant remember exactly but it was clear that they were asking for cash.  Clever but still assuming that you are getting a gift in the first place is poor etiquette to me. 

Post # 433
Member
3610 posts
Sugar bee

Probably the time when my Fiance was invited to his close college friend’s wedding and I was totally excluded from the invitation (he didn’t even receive a plus one). Fiance received the invitation shortly after we got engaged, so it may have been mailed before then, but the friend was fully aware that we have been living together for years and that my Fiance bought a ring and would be proposing to me. Regardless, etiquette is pretty clear that live-in partners, engaged couples, and spouses should be invited as a unit.

I would love to leave this guy’s soon-to-be wife off of our invitation, but I can’t bring myself to be that much of a jerk. Fiance isn’t going to his wedding, and hopefully he and his wife won’t come to ours!

Things that are not technically against etiquette but (IMO) make weddings far less enjoyable for guests: 1) the Sunday wedding trend (I understand it’s cheaper, but then don’t be surprised or offended when people can’t make it or can’t stay all night); and 2) dry weddings and/or heavy hors d’ouevres instead of a full meal to save money. I’d personally compromise on other things to ensure that my guests could fully enjoy themselves without having to worry about getting up early for work the next day or feeling shorted on food or drink.

Post # 434
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

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muguet:  Like I said, not as bad as many here, that’s just my personal worst. I had actually been looking forward to the event since the bride had talked about planning with me a year prior and I had intended to attend. I didn’t mind not being invited since I am more distant family, and it would have been a lot of money anyway, but given that I wasn’t sent a real invitation, the marrying couple never talked to me directly, and I wasn’t even given a month’s notice to attend an event six hours away, it hurt to hear that they said I was rude for not coming, as if I didn’t care. I did but it’s not fair to expect me to drop everything on super short notice.

Post # 435
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

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notenough:  Yes, exactly! I’m totally ok with having been B-listed but it hurt that they accused me of not caring and being rude after barely having made an effort to make it practically feasible for me to come, much less to make me feel like they were really interested in having me there.

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