Post # 1
So a while back I ended up watching an online video with my favorite mommy bloggers. They were discussing which was more difficult; being a wife or being a mother. I was surprised that there was such a difference of opinion.
For me, I just always assumed parenting would be more difficult. After all, I only need to worry about my husband’s emotional needs. Kids need so much more from you. However I don’t have kids, and I think we have a pretty easy marriage (so far!). A girlfriend who is both a wife and mother, says that while being a mother is tiring (she has a two year old) and more constant, it is far more complicated making a relationship with another adult function. She says that when you are a Mom who don’t have to choose to love your kids, or care for them, you just do. But a marriage requires choosing every day. It got me thinking…
What do you girls think? Which do you imagine will be the tougher job? Or for those of you with kids, or a first marriage under your belt, do you think it will stay the same this time?
Here is the video, if you are interested in watching:
Post # 3
Being mom takes a lot of work and it’s tiring, but making a relationship and partnership work with another adult who is set in their ways and knows what they want and need is a lot harder. My 5 year old might throw a tantrum or two and I have to shuttle her around all the time, but being a good wife, good partner AND getting what I need and want from my husband takes a lot more work and luck. 🙂 We have a great relationship, but it takes work. My daughter has loved me from the day she was born and I have loved her since I found out she was she.
Post # 4
@KateMW That is really sweet about your daughter! It is funny how you hear lots of women talk about how hard it is to parent, but far fewer talk about how hard it is to be a wife. It sounds like you guys have a perfect balance!
Post # 5
Well I’ve been a single mom and I’ve also been a married wife and mom (when I was of course married). Being a mom is much harder. Especially if you do it all like I do.
Heck when i was married I felt it was double duty work. My x didn’t contribute to parenting very much.
But with a child as they get older and they have more activities to do, and are more and more independent, parenting is a bit more difficult imho. My son just turned 11.
Post # 6
@sjbee~ Thanks! She’s a doll. I should say that being a mom isn’t easy by any means, but it certainly comes more naturally to me then being a wife! 🙂 Maybe I just have an easy child? She does talk a ton, just like her mama!
Post # 7
@KateMW Ha! Between my husband and I, I know we will have a chatty baby.
@bellenga Obviously, I am just guessing, but that is my instinct as well; that it would be more difficult to be a mom. You can tell you husband you need space, and if you’re in a good marriage, he will tell you what he needs. But babies need you constantly, and even kids can’t be expected to know or verbalize what they need all the time. 11 seems like a pretty fun age though.
Post # 8
Hands down, I think being a mom is more difficult. I think it changes your life way more than geting married. Of course that probably depends on your lifestyle, especially before these life changes. But for me, getting married wasn’t a huge stretch, compared to becoming a mom.
If you are having a difficult time with your spouse, you can take time off to cool down. You can (try to) talk rationally, recognize and forgive each others short comings, etc. As a parent, you have less wiggle room to just forgive short comings. You simply haveto be better. Impatience, or laziness, just doesn’t cut it as a parent, and has a much deeper impact on your children than spouse. You are the adult in the relationship. So it basically all rests on you. In order for them (children) to do their jobs correctly (ie. being kind, studying hard, cleaning up their rooms), you need to be on top of your game. it’s hard to do all the time.
Post # 9
I voted ‘mom’ under the assumption of my own situation of (soon) being a wife. As a mom, you are responsible for the well-being of individuals that need help and guidance in many ways. ( I’d like to assume that a husband can take care of himself well enough, lol)
Of course, after voting, I didn’t even think of the many situations in which many moms are alone (single moms) which of course is even harder!
So…yeah…as a mom and a wife, you’d be juggling a lot…but we should be so lucky to have the support of a husband!
Post # 10
Great question! I’m not a mom, so it’s hard to answer this question. I would assume being a mom is harder, but I guess I’ll have a better answer when I become one!
Post # 11
If I had to guess, I’d say being a mom. So far, this being a wife business is pretty easy stuff :p I’m totally loving it. We’ve been living together over a year now (I moved in a year before we got married) and we haven’t had any HUGE problems. Yeah, we don’t get along all of the time, and we each can get on each other’s nerves, but at the end of the day, we both love each other. I know we work at our relationship, it just doesn’t feel like work. Being a mom on the other hand… I love kids and cannot wait until we start (serious baby fever over here), but I just don’t think it;ll be easy! At least if I’m cranky hubby knows its PMS, but kids wont. They’ll also “bother” me in the morning, and Im not much of a morning person. Hubby knows to just mostly leave me alone lol
Post # 12
I’m going to say “mom” even though I haven’t been there yet, but only because you STILL have to be a wife! ha!