Post # 1
I need some objective advice from my fellow brides/brides to be. My FI and I decided to have a destination wedding last year and let all of our friends and family know immediately. We knew when we did this that everyone was not going to be able to make the trip but we were planning on giving a reception when we returned so for those who couldn’t make it, they would still be able to celebrate with us. With that being said, I have 5 very close friends, none of whom are married and they all agreed that they would be there and they started making plans immediately. Just to give some background information, only one of these women has a child and all of them have well paying jobs and we have all spent money throughout the years traveling, immensely so I thought Vegas would be a sure thing. Well a month or so before the weddiing, I began reaching out to them to discuss their final plans so that I could finalize the trip itinerary and I didn’t get any phone calls or emails back. That went on for about 2 weeks and then finally I did get a phone call from my very best friend about a week and a half before the wedding saying, she couldn’t make it. I was so pissed, up until that point I was under the impression they were coming.
Needless to say, none of the others showed up either and I still hadn’t received a response from them before I left. We have since gotten married and we are now finalizing details for our reception, which has gotten slightly out of control. Our guest list is larger than expected and I need to cut some people and the first 5 people I thought about were my so-called friends who never made it to the wedding. I have been friends with these women for years, I have made it to baby showers, store openings, candle parties, barbecues, babies birthday parties and everything in between. My very best friend’s son, is my godson for goodness sake. My hubby keeps telling me to let it go, but alllllllll of his friends showed up at out wedding. I just don’t think I want to invite any of them. What are your thoughts? Be honest, I can take it.
Post # 3
Remember you never TRULEY know someone’s financial situation. I am sure they really wanted to be there and they had good reason not to be!
#1 I would talk to them about how you feel
#2 I would invite them to the reception. If you don’t you will be officially ruining a friendship. Are you willing to do that without even knowing why they didn’t show up?
Post # 4
Oh i can understand why you are mad and you have a right to be. If these ladies are so-called “friends” they would’ve had the decency to at least let you know if they were coming or not. That is just rude and immature to leave you hanging. While everyone’s financial situation IS different, these girls didn’t even give you an excuse. Have the decency to at least RSVP no!
As far as the reception, i think you should still invite them. HOWEVER, I would be very picky of attending their invites in the future.
Post # 5
As hurt as you are that they didn’t make it to your wedding when you were sure they were going to, you have to ask yourself if you want these women in your life. If you have been friends for years, I would think you probably DO want them in your life, in which case I think you might regret not inviting them to the reception.
I’m not justifying their actions – because if they left you with the impression they were coming, and then a few weeks before stopped answering phonecalls – that’s really rude! But if you want to keep them around you should probably invite them. And if they’re fun friends you will probably have a good time with them at the reception anyways, right?
Post # 6
I feel for you. I’m not sure why the one friend backed out. But at least she let you know. Perhaps she was planning on going but at the last minute couldn’t really swing it. The others… IDK. I think it’s rude that they didn’t even respond. Did they not even book flights to begin with?
I agree with Future Mrs. Martin that you should talk to them. Tell them you missed them at the wedding. “What happened?” And I also agree about the reception.
DW situations can be tricky. It adds a whole level of convulting variables to the “If they were my friends they’d be there” argument, even if they have the money.
Post # 7
I understand your frustration. Even if they couldn’t make it, they should have reached out to you. It feels awful when people we love don’t treat us the way we would treat them. But there are some times in our lives that we can’t get back, and your wedding, and all the associated celebrations, is one of them. I didn’t speak to one of my oldest friends for a year and a half because I’d had enough of the dynamics of our relationship (which I helped create). When I got engaged we got back in touch because I don’t want to look back on this time and regret her not being at my wedding, given the huge role she had played in my life. Even if we are never as close as we once were, I would rather be indifferent that she was there than look back and regret that she wasn’t. If you can get past the disappointment that they weren’t there for you when you were counting on them, I think you should invite them.
Post # 8
I would say don’t do anything until you have an honest and frank discussion with each one of them. Not inviting them is the passive-aggressive and friendship-ending choice. I think if you speak with them and explain how hurt you feel, and it wasn’t just that they couldn’t make it but that they didn’t communicate appropriately with you about their plans, and that you don’t even want to invite them because you feel they never prioritized you (all of this in an open, honest and NOT ATTACKING tone!), then see how they respond. If they don’t care one way or the other, you have your answer. If they feel terrible and apologize and ask to make it up to you, search your heart for if you can forgive them. Just not inviting them with no explanation is certainly not going to help anything – “punishing” them for what they did by not inviting them will probably end up making you feel worse instead of better..
Post # 9
I definitely understand your frustration. I would reach out to them and ask them what had happened? With that said, if they say they didn’t have any money, then unfortunately, you’ll have to take that excuse. They certainly could’ve let you know that they weren’t going to be able to afford it though.
I would invite them to the reception, and if they didn’t show up there, then I’d really have a talk with them. You don’t want to lose friendships over this, but you’ve been a supportive friend, and they need to do the same to you now. Especially if the reception is close by and the travel expense isn’t large for them.
Post # 10
That really sucks. I’m sorry your friend couldn’t make more of an effort to be there – especially after telling you that they’d be there.
That said – is their non-effort (for whatever reason) worth ditching the friendships?? I think it’s odd that you wouldn’t even get a call asking how the wedding was or a congratulations.
Is it possible that they don’t think they are as close to you as you think they are? Did something happen that you may not be aware of that would make all of them change their minds?
I think it’s strange that they all bailed – and, if I was friends with them, would ask them (in person) why they didn’t make it. It doesn’t make sense and perhaps there is an explanation. At the least, I would tell them how hurtful it was that none of your friends showed up (after they gave you the impression they were planning to be there).
Or, perhaps they ultimately didn’t think it was important to be at the ceremony, since you are having the other reception. You just don’t know what was going through their minds until you talk to them.
Also – I would invite them to the reception. Not inviting them would be a sign of you dropping them because they didn’t come through for you on your wedding day. I know it’s disappointing because you expected them to be there – and ultimately it’s your decision if it’s a friendship deal breaker – but just remember that everyone has a lot going on in their lives and attending a DW can be an inconvenience that people aren’t willing to travel for (both financially, time constraints, etc.)
I’m sorry your friends were not there to support you on your wedding day and I hope you get some resolution as to understanding why that happened.
Post # 11
Thanks for all the input ladies, there is some really good advice in there. I think I’m more upset at the fact that I didn’t receive any calls stating they weren’t going to make it versus them not coming at all. I can understand the money thing and my hubby and I expected quite a few of our friends/family to not be able to make it because of that, i’m not heartless, but this is not the first time this has happened with a few of my friends and I am always the bigger person and brush it off because, it’s only another party or it’s only another barbecue….but this was my wedding….I don’t plan on doing it again. I had some other friends show up that I hadn’t even expected and I just recently became close with them. I don’t know, I just think that maybe i’ve outgrown these friendships and I need to face the music. I still have more time to mull it over so i’ll figure it out.
Post # 12
I personally wouldnt invite them, did they care enough for you to let you know that they werent coming? If they considered you a good friend then they would have known that you would be understanding if they couldnt attend. A true friend is honest with you no matter what and they arent afraid to be honest with you. People show their colors when you need them the most. This would be enough proof for me.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t give them the sadisfaction of inviting them again …If they were your real friends they would not have done what they did !! After all the parties and support you gave them at all their non wedding events through the years. I think they are all just jealous and did not come because they are all still single for a reason and your not because you sound like a wonderful person !!! Not haveing the respect to even call you back that is horrible !! I wouldn’t waste my time !! Your hubby is 100 % correct forget about them and foucus on the wonderful life you have to look foward to with him..
Post # 14
I think that the really bad part here is not that they didn’t show up to your destination wedding but that they didn’t even care to reply to your emails or phone calls. I understand someone not being financially able to make a trip to a destination wedding, but that doesn’t mean they can’t call and explain the situation to you. It may be embarrasing to tell your friend you can’t afford the trip but if you’ve been friends with these girls for so long that kind of trust should be there. It’s not that they didn’t make it, it’s that they handled it pretty bad.
Post # 15
I agree with angie123 that it’s the way they handled it, not that they didn’t show up. I personally would be pretty miffed. I think you should still invite them to the reception, but before you send them a formal invite, contact them and ask them if they think they’ll make the reception. At that time, you can ask them what happened with the wedding itself. This way you are reaching out to them, and if you still don’t get a response, then I say just forget it. You made the effort.
Post # 16
I totally understand your disappointment in your friends not showing. You are now in a very tough situation. Have you talked to any of said friends since the no-show? Also think about how you will feel in a few years if you do/don’t invite them. If you think you will regret inviting them then don’t and if you gut tells you that you will reget not inviting them then give them the olive branch. If they let you down again then so be it. Good Luck!