(Closed) What's up with some of these men?!?

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
680 posts
Busy bee

I didn’t even know that was a thing until the Wedding Bee. It didn’t even occur to my SO to get me something that he liked. He wanted to get me what I liked. When you’re giving a gift, you give the person what they want, not what you want.

Post # 17
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee

I wanted it to be something both of us loved and represented BOTH of us. It’s not just about me. It’s a representation of us as a couple and our love. At least that’s my opinion. 

Post # 18
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I think ring shopping for guys is very overwhelming and they get talked into buying something else. You have to be VERY specific, like write it down in his phone and show him. 

Post # 19
Member
2676 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I don’t know. I sent my fiance pictures of a lot of rings I thought I liked before one of them spoke to him, (we had extensively discussed getting engaged, it was just a matter of finding a ring we both liked) but I am really glad now that he did not just go with the first one I showed himd, because I absolutely love my ring! 💖 

Post # 20
Member
666 posts
Busy bee

Wowzy! I was surprised by the reponses I got on “Did you get the ring you wanted” and then I see this…um this seems to be a rather touchy subject. This is a real toughy; yes, the woman should love the ring she’s gonna wear and yes, it’s kinda sorta is a representation of the union-he/she is half of said union so should they like it, I guess *shrugs* hmmm I’m torn, however, I think first and foremost a budget needs to be discussed and agreed to…and that’s something I wasn’t informed of prior to shopping. Men are definitely from Mars lol their taste seem to be blingier than ours and I don’t think they get how important “the ring”‘is to us

Post # 21
Member
6768 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

 foxxysoxx :  For us it was a question of making the ring representative of us both.  While he didn’t completely disregard what I once wanted (aquamarine solitaire), he felt it was too plain and not “good enough” for me.  As we discussed it over the years, I started looking at different options and sharing them with him. We went 3-stone with my aqua in the center and little diamonds on the side for him.  We went silver and small stones b/c that’s what we both wanted.  Found a maker, husband modified the ring to suit what he visualized and it’s perfect.  A year or so later he told me he knew that the diamonds would sparkle like crazy and the aqua wouldn’t.  That’s not something I know a danged thing about as gemstones and jewelry aren’t really my thing.  But he knows I love a little sparkle and wanted it to shine for me.

I guess what I’m saying is that it’s not so much the ring as the thought behind it.  Guy walks into a shop and buys the first thing he sees, that tells me he doesn’t care all that much.  Guy hears what his girl wants and goes the opposite?  I’m wondering if he was coerced and just spiting her.  Guy takes elements the woman wants and then adds his own twist, that’s super sweet, IMO, even if the end result wasn’t quite what she expected.

Post # 22
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

I don’t get it either.

I actually asked my husband this the other day and he said “You’re the one who’s going to wear it, I want you to have what you love.”

I also think it’s nice when couples both have strong opinions about what they like and come to a compromise that makes both of them happy.

What I DON’T understand is when a woman expresses her preferences and he goes and gets the complete opposite of what she wanted. I get that it’s a gift, but jeez when I buy gifts I try to get the person what I think they’ll like, not what I would like for them to have.

Post # 24
Member
9893 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

happybee125 :  My husband said the same thing! When we went shopping for the engagement ring, I asked him what he thought of every ring I liked, every time he said “If you love it, I love it.” We had the same attitude when picking wedding rings. I wanted him to get what HE wanted since he would be the one wearing it even though I paid for 100% of his wedding band.

Post # 26
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

At the end of the day I agree that the most important opinion belongs to the person actually wearing it, but when I was looking for my fiancee’s ring it was REALLY important to me to find something we would both like.

Think about it this way–in most people’s eyes, it’s a reflection on him and his taste too. I knew that our friends/family/etc. looking at it would know I picked it out, and while my top priority was definitely making my fiancee happy, it’s a highly symbolic thing and it mattered to me that it reflect both of us well. I also tended to focus on some details she didn’t, and was more conscious of issues with durability, setting height and comfort with daily wear (AKA something that wouldn’t scratch the hell out of me and get caught on both of our clothes), getting appropriate value for the price, etc. than she was. When we first looked at rings together she loved some things I absolutely hated, and I loved some that she hated, so when she told me she wanted the actual ring to be a complete surprise I was pretty concerned. But over time I found the overlapping areas between her taste and mine… And by the end of it all I knew way, WAY more than she did about different ring styles, LOL. I picked something out that we both love, so it all worked out!

So sure, if you know exactly what you want then go pick it out and buy it together, and that’s awesome. But if you want it to be a surprise and/or a gift, his opinion should matter too… And it’s then his job to make sure that opinion is a considerate and thoughtful one 🙂

Post # 27
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

foxxysoxx :  I don’t get it either. If I’m dropping lots of dosh on a gift I would want it to be what they would love…not what I love.

I also think its a little controlling and its like your telling your partner that they don’t know their mind and you know what’s best for them.

I do however get that some guys probably get overwhelmed and confused with jewelry shopping or they mistakenly see something and think that looks gorgeous and I can totally see her wearing that! Hubby knew that he wasn’t good with these type of things so he told me to send him links to rings i liked as he wanted to get me something I love.

I think compromise is key to ring shopping and relationships. If the gifter or giftee  is really not into a particular design then a compromise should be made. I personally would hate to wear something my hubby hated especially if he was sacrificing to buy it for me.

Post # 28
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

hikingbride :  Same here! I paid for the wedding band he chose himself and I love it because he loves it. I wouldn’t dream of buying the opposite of his stated preferences and expect him to love it simply because it’s a gift from me.

Post # 29
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee

foxxysoxx :  I can see it from both sides. While the lady shouldn’t have to wear a ring she despises and it’s silly to get a gift that the lady would hate. When you buy a gift for Christmas or a birthday you don’t just get what you would like instead of what they want, doesn’t make sense. Plus she has to wear it, The guy should listen to what she would like because that’s like telling her what to wear on a daily basis. 

Now on the other hand, I think the way the guy sees it is that he is paying for something extremely expensive and should like it too. I get that, my ring cost more than anything else he is spent. Luckily enough my fiance was very focused on getting me something I loved and I would love to wear. 

By the sounds of it your fiance has got You a ring that you don’t like. I would encourage you to talk to him about it. Maybe there is a compromise there or maybe he really needs it to be straight up said to him that you don’t like it. Usually I wouldn’t be that upfront because it would most likely hurt his feelings but if he got you something you hated while aware that you wouldn’t like it and didn’t care then I would be less delicate with how I handled it. Can’t expect you to wear something for forever while you hate it and purposefully went out of his way to get you something he knew you would hate but doesn’t consider that something to care about. 

Post # 30
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with PP, I couldn’t have married someone who placed more importance on a material possession than my feelings… that’s why I wouldn’t marry a woman who was ring obsessed 

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