(Closed) Whats up with the no-plus one rules?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Kandiss16:  It has to do with budget and not wanting strangers in your wedding photos.

We did not give plus ones because we could not afford it. We both come from HUGE families.

EVERY wedding I’ve been to I had to go single because of budget and space issues. I still had a good time.

Post # 18
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@lala423:  bingo. Most of my cousins are single, so they were invited without +1 since they’d all know each other and be able to have a good time together (and oh boy, did they ever). But DH’s stepbrother who I had never even met? I invited him with a +1 because I would hate for him to have to suffer through the wedding on his own with only his mom and DH there that he knew!

Post # 20
Member
9838 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I have never been to a wedding where every guest was given a +1. I think the living together, engaged, married, dating for a year is a fair rule. The bride and groom shouldn’t invite people they don’t know to THEIR wedding, and pay for those people. For who said what fun would it be without a plus one, you can still have fun with other people you know (be it a friend’s wedding or family wedding) It is not just a random house party, it is a wedding. Weddings are expensive, and the bride and groom shouldn’t have to cut people they actually know and care about from the guest list to make room for every Tom, Dick and Harry plus one for the guests. I will only give +1s to people in relationships and the bridal party. Every single person at our wedding knows at least a few other people, not including Fiance and I.

Post # 21
Member
5184 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Kandiss16:  I don’t think everyone needs to have a. +1, but the way some bees react to it is really rude IMO. We didn’t specify “and guest” on our invites to people who we know are single, but when they called to ask if they could bring a guest we were more than happy to allow them to. It’s wise to always leave a little wiggle room in your budget to be a good host. If you’re down to your last penny because you spent 3/4 of your budget on flowers, well… but there’s no need to get angry at your guest for simply asking. 

Post # 23
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@Kandiss16:  You write only their name on the card, versus “[person’s name] And Guest.” Simple! They shouldn’t be assuming they get a plus one anyway, so it should be pretty clear to them that they are the only one invited.

Post # 24
Member
9838 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

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@Kandiss16:  I will say we have reserved (number) of seats in your honour. And the invite will be addressed to the plus one as well as the cousin or friend. 

Post # 25
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

If I don’t know you then why would I spend $100+ to buy you dinner? I don’t know who you think I am but I ain’t no Rockefeller.

 

Extra bodies = more $$$ = NO.

 

Post # 26
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Kandiss16:  I honestly don’t get it either. I remember a few years back I got invited to my cousins wedding and asked if it was a plus one and they said no, i thought that was strange because it’s not like i didn’t know anyone, but it was my cousins wedding, nobody to dance with or anything. When we arrived, all the cousins on the bride’s side of the family had dates…it was confusing. They claimed it was for the price, but I think if someone is going to go out of their way to come to your wedding and they don’t know many of your other guests, YES plus one is always allowed.

Post # 29
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

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@MrsPanda99:  Totally agree wtih both of your posts.

 

I am on an extremely tight budget, I minimized my guest list based on my budget and made an allowance for +1’s for my guests.  I had to cut some people, but hey – that’s life.  We invited people that are in our lives, not a part of it.  I believe a good friend that sees us all the time, on a regular basis and bringing a guest is more important than a distant family member whom I haven’t spoken to in years coming with a family of 4.  But, that’s Fiance and I’s opinion on our guest list and how we decided to cut it down.

Post # 30
Member
9561 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@MrsPanda99:  i can’t speak for other people but for my wedding, every plus one must be a named person (whether I have met them or not).  single people are not getting a plus one because we are not writing “and guest” on the invitations.  but if they are married, engaged, or dating, they are getting invited with their person.

 

 

Post # 31
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@rickhurst35:  That would be our exact approach too. I would want to invite people I actually see on a regular basis and ensure that they have a great time as opposed to people I feel obligated to invite and don’t really see (or even like :P). I would want my wedding to be filled with people who are meaningful to me.

I can understand why a bride and groom would want to know all of their guests, and I can also understand that they don’t want to pay for “strangers” to have dinner. However, guests need to be accomodated too and I doubt the bride and groom will be spending the evening keeping the single guests company.

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