(Closed) Whats up with the no-plus one rules?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@ajillity81:  Everyone does it differently. From my perspective, I just wouldn’t go if I wasn’t given a +1.

Post # 33
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

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@MrsPanda99:  That was my first wedding. My parents and xIL’s invited every Tom Dick and Harry to our wedding. I didn’t know hardly anyone. There were too many people there.  I was happy to see my friends there with their dates. We had a good time with them, and not the family members that I did not know. LOL

 

This wedding, I’m paying for, I want my guests to be happy and  comfortable to come to our wedding.  Our close friends and famiy are important to us, if it’s important for them to bring a date, well, we support that.  We made room by excluding distant family, even some close family that we only see at holidays only for a few hours 1 day a year.  

 

Post # 34
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

For the most part, we are inviting everyone with a +1, however we do have a large group of friends (about 25) thast we’ve all been very close since elementary school. For these friends, unless they are in a relationship, they won’t be given +1s – they will be sitting together and still have each other to dance and have a good time with -if they had been invited with dates, most would have just gone with someone we were already inviting anyway – they have all been really understanding about not being given +1s. 

 

Post # 35
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Everyone gets a plus one at our event!

Post # 36
Member
8683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Kandiss16:  everyone invited to my wedding is allowed a “plus one.” I have never been to a wedding that didnt allow plus ones. However, some people on here are from different regions and social circles where their weddings are more intimate and they don’t want people there they dont know or they really cannot afford it. In my area weddings tend to be fairly expensive and if people can’t afford to do it then they elope or have a small destination wedding. 

The Bee has really opened my eyes to what else occurs in other areas/demographics/etc.

Post # 37
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

we gave people plus ones if they were in serious relationship (i.e. engaged/living together) and to friends who wouldn’t have known many (if any) other guests at our wedding.

we preferred to spend our money on our friends and family who we know and love than on someone’s “flavor of the month” who may or may not be around for very long.

Post # 38
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We are doing a no plus one rule, and so far have not had complaints.

 

Here’s why…60 people, reception only. (We are doing a private mountain top ceremony and shirking tradition anyway) The people we have invited are VERY near and dear to us. For a wedding that intimate, I am not interested in offering plus ones to people that I know are in relationships. Why would I want strangers there when I am even excluding some family members that I am not close to or have spoken with recently?

 

We are spoiling each and every one of our guests with an incredible 4 course plated meal in an award winning french restaurant, open bar, jazz trio, a beautiful 3000 square foot luxury home we’ve rented for our out of town guests and welcome baskets for out of town couples that will cost over $100 each. It’s the least we could do for people that are spending over $500 per person just to fly in.

 

Of our guests, about 15 are single people in our age group. EVERYONE that is single knows eachother and we all see eachother regularly. There are a couple of people that have recently started dating, but we are not offering plus ones except in the event of serious, long term relationships (like 1 year +, living together, that kind of thing).

 

If people don’t want to come for that reason, it honestly doesn’t bother me. I have gone to weddings alone in the past when I was single (or in a recent relationship), and if it’s my friend, I would never not go just because I couldn’t bring my new boyfriend.

 

I feel it is a sound decision, and if anyone takes offense then that is their problem. You will never make every single person happy, and I can only put so much effort into trying.

 

Post # 39
Member
3562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ours boils down to the fact that our venue supplies enough seating/tables for 160 people so we tried to keep our guest list around that number.  We didn’t include +1s for most people who weren’t already in a relationship because due to our huge families, we ended up having to cut a few friends off the list.  

Quite frankly, I’d rather have my friends there with us than people’s +1s that they seeked out to just have a date to our wedding.  Since we made the list months ago, some of these people now have SOs so we’re going to try to accomodate them if we can, based off of how many RSVP no’s we get back.  Otherwise, not only would we have to pay more in food/beverages, we’d have to go rent extra tables/chairs/linens, plus have extra centerpiece decor & favors to accomodate more than 160 people. When you’re on a budget, that’s a lot of extra $$ to spend on people you don’t know! 

Post # 40
Member
526 posts
Busy bee

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@mchitt329:  all of this. 

everyone got a +1 at ours, how awkward to tell someone (by not giving a +1) that you don’t think their relationship is worthy of an invite? or worse, that they won’t be in a relationship in 2 months when the wedding takes place.  I would rather pay a little more and keep my friends.  Most came solo anyway.

Post # 41
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@mchitt329:  I agree with you.  When I was planning my wedding (before we decided it would be DW) we agreed to give everyone a plus 1 even if that meant cutting other areas of the budget.  I hate the stipulations/parameters for plus 1s I’ve seen on the Bee (i.e. – you’re engaged, living together, etc.). 

Post # 42
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We gave everyone a plus one. I know how weird it feels going to a wedding alone. I have never been to a wedding where everyone wasn’t given a plus one.

Post # 43
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We aren’t giving everyone a plus one not because of money but because we simply don’t have the space.  We decided to limit +1’s to people who are engaged, married, or living together. We felt that was a fair way to limit without trying to judge the “seriousness” of someones relationship.

Post # 44
Member
804 posts
Busy bee

If it’s a destination wedding then I think everyone should be given a +1. For a local wedding I’d extend the invitation to all partners, but for single people it’d be on a case by case basis i.e. do they know anyone else, are they coming from out of town etc etc.

I wasn’t invited to a wedding of one of my fiance’s coworkers (he was a last minute invite). I was surprised because I would assume you invite partners, but I hadn’t met the guy so didn’t really care anyway!

Post # 45
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

The engaged or married rule is BS. I’ve been with my boyfriend 5 years, and we live together. Some weddings I’ve gone to the people getting married haven’t even been together that long. I think it’s a slap in the face that just because i don’t have a ring on my finger that my relationship isn’t deemed serious enough? We plan to get married, but I do NOT want a long engagement and I would like a big fancy rock & a big fancy wedding :), I’m sorry if we don’t make enough money to have saved for that in the time before you decided to have your wedding but that doesn’t mean our relationship doesn’t exist. In fact I wouldn’t feel comfortable not inviting people without guests (part of the reason I’m still saving money).

Post # 46
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Some people are getting +1s at our wedding. We have a few, lets call them *sketchy* people that we HAVE to invite and they are single and because of their life situations and the people that they surround themselves with there is no way that they will be invited with +1s. Also theres people that fmil wants to invite with +1s that there is no reason for. Her cousin for instance, not married, no living relatives besides fhs family, no real friends to speak of. Why in the world would I invite her with a +1? So she can bring some random Tom, Dick, or Harry. Thanks but no thanks. Our guest list origionally started with 130 people that WE wanted. Thanks to our parents our list is now almost close to 200. +1s for us are being kept to a BARE minimum.

 

And yes. We are footing the bill on our own.

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