(Closed) Whats up with the no-plus one rules?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
7365 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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@claireos:  I don’t know who you think I am but I ain’t no Rockefeller.

I’m at work stifling my laughter. I think finances definitely drive the +1 rule. I think if people did have unlimited funds, it would be a free for all. Sadly, it can’t be. And then you add venue limitations to the mix, hard decisions must be made. I’m not cutting friend or family member for some random date. Besides the idea of an adult not being able to socialize with out a date for one night will always baffle me (more so referring to a local wedding, rather than destination). 

Post # 48
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@Kandiss16:  I think dates for established social units should be invited. But a true +1 is not a partner; it’s just a friend that the person brings so as not to be alone. For a local wedding or a wedding where the guest will no other people, I don’t think that’s necessary at all. To take it a step further, I think a grown adult should be fully capable of attending a social event where they don’t know anyone for a few hours and that we should all cultivate the art of mingling a little better. I don’t see why a bride or groom should have to give up a seat to a total stranger who isn’t even involved with their guest at the expense of someone actually close to them.

Post # 49
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Kandiss16:  For us, almost 50% of our guests are single.  Not in a relationship, completely single.  We’re not doing “plus ones” for anyone, however we are inviting married or living together couples together and will invite the significant other of everyone in a relationship (sent to the significant others address, not just added on to the invite).  

 

Our theory is that this is how we would handle invites to a dinner party at our home, so we don’t feel that all guests are entitled to bring a guest or guests of their choosing.  

As far as denoting this on the invitation, only guests named on the inside envelope are invited, any further clarification seems redundant.  We’re not even doing RSVP cards.

 

Post # 50
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@mrsSonthebeach:  Pretty much how I felt about it. That being said, pretty much everyone was allowed to bring a date on our guest list. Most people invited were couples invited by name, unless I was not *positive* they would be together by the time our wedding rolled around.

 

The people who did not get plus ones were young, and in relatively new relationships with partners I have never met. They (quite rudely IMO) simply wrote in the extra people on the invite! Since they are relatives (FI’s cousins) we decided to allow it, but it really annoyed me! They will know 1/3 of the people there (FI’s fam)! They don’t NEED to bring someone I’ve never met, who I will now have to buy a nice meal, and who may possibly drink too much (they are the type who would) and leave less beer/cider for my other guests or cause some kind of ruckus in the middle of my reception.

 

I went to a handful of weddings as a teen/college student and never brought a date, and I never expected one. I am naturally shy, but I always knew enough people to have someone to talk to, and I usually knew at least 25% of the guest list.

 

The first time I ever went to a wedding as someone’s plus one was with now-FI when we started dating. It was a big, expensive wedding, and there were TONS of random people there as plus one’s. Not my idea of a fun wedding, even if I had the $$$ to invite extra people I don’t know.

Post # 51
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

It honestly never occured to me to limit +1s. It’s an event celebrating couple-dom, so I think everyone invited should have the opportunity to celebrate it with the person of their choosing. I don’t care if I’ve never met them! I don’t care if they met on eHarmony last week! I don’t care if it’s your favorite college roommate! Let’s celebrate love and have a great party! But, I feel the same about basically all parties. The more the merrier! Bring your friends!

EDIT: I seem to have overdosed on exclamation points. Sorry ’bout that.

Post # 52
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

1. Money. 

2. We already had to cut out friends Fiance really wanted to invite, why would we invite randos when we had to cut people we knew?

3. I don’t want strangers at my wedding.

We didn’t give +1s. We invited couples, by name. Everyone we know is married or in a long-term relationship anyway, with the exception of a few people. 

Post # 54
Member
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m not doing any +1s, but anyone who has a significant other will get an invitation addressed to both of them. If you call ’em your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s good enough for me.

 

We’re young, and we’re inviting my close-knit group of friends, his close-knit group, and family.  Nobody is going to feel awkward without a date.

 

Post # 55
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Well, I am only having a 50 people wedding, and I am including spouses/significant others for most. The thing is, people may not want strangers at their wedding. I don’t! A wedding is not an appropriate place for introductions to me. To each her own. There are two people on my list that cannot bring their significant others because I do not like them, end of story. If they don’t want to be a part of the wedding because of that, so be it! I truly could care less about pleasing everyone because everyone ain’t contributing to that day. The person who pays has the say, and that will be me.

 

Post # 56
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We are giving all of our guests +1. Even when I was single, I never would have attended a wedding alone – what fun is that? I want my single guests to bring someone they can dance with and enojy the night!

 

Post # 57
Member
10450 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m with you OP, I automatically give everyone a +1 and plan accordingly. 

Post # 58
Member
2536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think if you are attending a wedding where you know people then there is no need for a + 1. But if they only people you know are the bride and groom then it is rude not to give one. To me a + 1 means they are bringing some indeterminate person….a long term partner/husband/wife etc. does not constitute a + 1 as obviously you would invite them as a couple. 

Post # 59
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

1) We can only have 110 people in our venue, and I wouldn’t want to have to not invite family just so FIs cousin can bring her boyfriend

2) This is about celebrating with our family and close friends- not strangers that I have never met before/probably won’t see again.

nothing to do with budget.

Post # 60
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m letting anyone who is in a relationship bring their SO to the wedding but if you aren’t in a relationship then honestly I don’t see the point in paying for your random date to come to my wedding.  I refuse to leave the people I love off the guest list so that one of my single friends can bring a date to the wedding.  For me it’s about the money but only because I don’t want to pay for a random over one of my close friends.

Post # 61
Member
3459 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

All of my guests were invited to bring their significant other…provided that at least one of us knows them. The  only “rule” for our 40-person wedding is that we don’t  want anyone in attendance who doesnt know either of us. We consider this a sacred ritual and therefore want to share it only with people who mean something to us as a PP said. And, well…your coworker or your cousin that you want to bring along to avoid having to converse with others doesn’t make the cut. Nothing at all to do with money. We understand that weddings for some reason make people feel entitled, and so we understand that some people may decline to attend.We dont need people with that attitude to celebrate with us anyway.

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