(Closed) Whats up with the no-plus one rules?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 92
Member
2490 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I would just not be ok with people bringing someone random to a wedding.. if they’re in a relationship then fine (I don’t care if they live together or not, or if they’re engaged, if they’re with someone they should be invited).

Post # 93
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

@Kandiss16:  Well, on one hand when you have a plated dinner that uninvited +1 could mean the difference btween everyone eating and someone being left out.

On another hand: that uninvited +1 that you’ve never met is an attention stealing drunk with a loud mouth. I find it a lot easier to forgive a loved one of a truspass like that than a stranger.

A wedding is NOT a good time to bring the new guy you just met two days before at the bar, you know? If you can’t be without your boyfriend/girlfriend for a few hours on a Saturday then you’re awfully cute and in love. =]

On yet another hand: I’ve been to weddings with a +1 and it worked out fine.

Depends on the catering, venue, and wedding style. Plus, the hosts. Bottom line is be respectful of the bride & groom/hosts. If they say ‘No plus one’ then honor that. You could always call the hosts and see if you can bring a +1… but the way I feel about it if I know you well enough to invite you to my wedding then your SO is invited automatically (and will be worded in the invite/RSVP) because I obviously know them, too.

Post # 94
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Kandiss16:  We are invited our closest friends and family.  A total of 28 guests so we are not allowing extra unknown guests to our intimate wedding.

Post # 95
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

anybody in a relationship should be given a +1.  You should not judge the relationship whether it has been a month or a year or 5 years.  Sometimes people do not get engaged for many years and it does not mean their relationship is more serious than the couple together for 3 months.  If the guest is not in a relationship, then you do not have to give a +1; but if they will not know anyone else at the wedding then it would be nice to give the +1.  and always account for a +1 because if they get into a relationship between the time you make your save the date list and the time for wedding invites to go out, they should be given the +1.  So its better etiquette to just plan for it regardless. 

Post # 96
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

We’re having somewhat strict rules for the plus ones for two reasons: we wanted an intimate wedding and we have a strict limit on the number of guests we can have. Our wedding venue, packed completely to capacity with every guest cramped against each other, holds 100. The reception hall only holds 80 unless we move tables outside. It’s going to be warm in March, so we didn’t want our guests to be uncomfortable and we also didn’t want them crammed in together like a can of sardines. We currently have 65 guests on the list right now. So, if you’re not dating someone by the time the invitations go out, we can’t extend a plus one. Most all of my guests will know each other, so it’s not like they will be surrounded by a bunch of strangers. We’re also having a pretty short ceremony and reception. 

 

Post # 97
Member
1101 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 

FYI:
 
“That being said, many different etiquette queens have weighed in on this subject. I will defer to the advice of Emily Post and Miss Manners. Emily Post says that spouses, fiancées/fiancés, and live-in partners must be invited, issuing an invitation to a boyfriend or girlfriend is up to the bride and groom’s discretion.
 

“A note about plus-one wedding invitation etiquette: The standard is that a guest’s spouse, partner or fiancé should also be invited. Nowadays, it’s also widely accepted that people in a serious relationship are invited as a couple, but doing so is entirely up to the hosts.” –NYTimes

 

 

Post # 98
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Kandiss16:  I personally think it depends on the guests more than any hard and steadfast rule.  I’ve attended weddings where single guests were not given +1s for budgetary reasons, and I understand that.  I also understand giving single guests +1s.

For us, most of our single guests are getting +1s.  Those who are traveling (driving) will get +1s, while those who are traveling (flying) with known significant others will get a +1.  We know some of the others would rather come alone and wouldn’t fly out a random guest with them anyway, so we won’t even bother with the +1 if they aren’t seriously dating someone by the time we send out invitations.

If we even invite younger cousins (highly unlikely) under 21, they will not get +1s and will be told as much.  I don’t care how significant they think their boyfriend/girlfriend is, I refuse to pay for them.  Please don’t come to the wedding if you don’t like it, is my thought.  Like I said though, these people are highly unlikely to even be invited as it stands now.

In general, I think it is nice to include a +1 if budget allows and if you think the person would be more comfortable having a +1 with them, especially if they are traveling a distance to be there.  If they are single and I know they’d rather try to find a +1 AT the wedding (if you know what I’m saying), then they won’t get a +1 on their invite. Wink

Post # 99
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I do not see restricting + 1s to spouse, fiance, live-in partner as the bride judging.  It is respecting the judgement that the guest has made.  You can be engaged without a ring, it is up to you and your partner.  I see limiting +1s as bride and groom having control over guests, and why shouldnt they? 

Post # 100
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

@mchitt329:  Love what you said here: “What REALLY bothers me is when brides jump on WB and say we’re only giving people +1s if they’re engaged, been together more than 1 year, own a house together, we’ve met her and all this other stipulated BS.  It’s not your place to judge the seriousness of their relationship, let them bring a guests so they can enjoy your wedding, dance and drink the night away with someone.”

I didn’t get a +1 for my college roommate’s wedding because fiance and I were “not officially engaged or married” at the time. We were dead serious about our commitment to each other and talked often about our plans for marriage, but because he and I are not into tradition/conventions, we didn’t have a storybook proposal, I didn’t have a ring, and we hadn’t set an exact date because we weren’t even sure if we wanted to have a wedding! We were in a long distance relationship and only saw each other every few months, and since he lived within driving distance of the wedding, I was looking forward to going to the wedding with him so that he could meet all my other college roommates AND THEIR HUSBANDS. 

For my wedding (we’ve decided to have one after all, but it’ll be unconventional!) , everyone is getting a +1, regardless of their “official” status. 

Post # 101
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Meh, I think it just depends.  I was a bridesmaid at a very small wedding and I wasn’t offered a plus one, but I knew the entire bridal party and I didn’t care.

Post # 102
Member
4438 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@jerzepi:  🙂

Post # 103
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@aspasia475:  Thank you for taking time to write this so clearly and eloquently. It was a pleasure to read, and very informative!

Post # 104
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

A significant other is not a +1. The couple is one social unit that must be invited together. SINGLE people get (or don’t get) +1s.

 

We had two single guests at our wedding and we did not extend them +1s. All of our friends and family with significant others (boyfriend, fiance, husband, wife, girlfriend, fling) were invited as a couple.

Post # 105
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My Fiance and I are handling the “+1” situation like this: a couple who is married, engaged, or living together are obviously going to be invited together (and as other people are pointed out, these are not +1 invitations, they are just two equally invited guests, invited by name).

For others, who are in relationships but not in one of the three categories above, the way we see it is, (beyond family and a handful of people who are old family friends) the people we are inviting to our wedding are personal friends, not aquaintances. If they are in a serious, exclusive relationship, we will know about it. We might not know the person they are seeing yet directly, but we will at least know of them, and so we’re going to invite them (and make an effort to meet them before the wedding because, hey, they’re dating a friend of mine!) Those people will also be invited by name, not as “and guest”.

If the relationship is so new or casual that we haven’t even heard of it, they’ll be invited alone, and if they aren’t seeing anyone at all, they’ll be invited alone. I want our friends to be comfortable and have a good time, but I don’t feel obligated to pay for a casual date night to take place at my wedding, if that makes sense. Our friends are all part of some general cluster (my college, his high school, etc.) anyway, so no one will be a total stranger to everyone there.

Post # 106
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I second Moonlight Silver. Anyone with a significant other should be invited with said SO. Thier SO is not a plus one. 

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