(Closed) Whats up with the no-plus one rules?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 110
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

LilySarah said it best, and for all the reasons she gave, everyone at my wedding had a +1.  It was the fairest way…and most everyone in our lives has a partner anyway.  Those who didn’t just didn’t bring someone, but we were sure to inform everyone ahead of time of other acquaintances of theirs who would be present, so they would be guaranteed to have friends with whom they could sit and celebrate. 

 

Post # 111
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@RockStar33:  

“We only wanted people to share our day that we personally knew.   If someone won’t attend a wedding because they didnt get a plus 1 – then screw ’em.   If someone is a true friend, they will come regardless.   

We only invited plus 1’s if we knew the both of them.”

+1! This is how my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I feel too. We don’t want strangers at our wedding.

Post # 112
Member
23 posts
Newbee

I agree with the person who said it must be a regional thing to offer plus one’s for each single guest.  The guest list for my daughter’s wedding was mostly family and church friends.  Nearly everyone was part of a couple or a family so we didn’t see the need to offer plus one’s to anyone.  The wedding party members were mostly single, but were not in a relationship with anyone, so we didn’t even think about them bringing a date for the wedding–what would be the point?

That being said, I think it is certainly considerate to offer plus one’s to single guests if they don’t know anyone else at the wedding, but what are the chances of that?

Post # 113
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Kandiss16:  If I gave certain people a +1, then others would expect it, and I know SEVERAL on my guest list who would take advantage of this and say “Oh, if I can invite one and that’s okay, I’ll invite my entire bridge club, she won’t mind that!” I know this because AFTER I said “no plus one” there was an aunt who decided to add 17 people to my guest list.

However, I *am* inviting those who have longstanding relationships,  even if I haven’t met them. My cutoff date was more than a year at the time of the wedding. So most of my “+1″s were taken care of…

Honestly, FH and I are both pretty private people. Neither of us like crowds and are uncomfortable if there are even 100 people in church on Sunday. We wanted to keep the guest list small and manageable–not having a bunch of random strangers seemed to do that for us. 

Post # 114
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@nmsa:  + 1…I like what you said, it’s exactly how I feel about it. 

Post # 115
Member
7058 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I feel like the “I don’t want strangers at my wedding” is just something people say while trying to make an excuse for not giving people +1’s. 

 

We gave every single person a +1. I personally find it rude to ask someone to give up their day/night and possibly travel and have to do it alone simply because they aren’t married or engaged. When hosting an even you’re supposed to make your guests comfortable – that means providing food, beverages, etc. I have a Darling Husband that travels extensively for work, he misses A LOT of weddings, which means I have to go alone. In fact, I’m attending a wedding alone tomorrow. It sucks. I would *never* bring a random person in leu of my Darling Husband, but my point being…..I know that it stinks to attend a wedding alone (especially if you aren’t close with many people there).

 

Furthermore, it’s not my place to judge the commitment level of my friends and their relationships. Only engaged, married, or living together? I have plenty of friends who are in stable, commited, long-tern relationships that fit into none of those categories. 

 

ETA : I consider “single” to be someone not in a relationship. All of our guests with an SO were invited, both of them, on the invite. We gave each single person an “and guest” for them to bring someone of their choice. We hvae an electic group of friends from different avenues of our lives – not all of them know each other, and not everyone is comfortable just striking up a convo with a random person. We wanted our guests to feel welcomed and comfortable.  

Post # 116
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I am not inviting anyone that I feel NEEDS a plus one…everyone will know plenty of other people to have a good time without a date. And as for dancing, my friends are the type to dance by themselves or in a group…or even with a stranger, God forbid! The thing is, to me, there is a HUGE difference between inviting the ‘other half’ of an established couple BY NAME, and just allowing a friend to bring a random +1.

I’m also not against a previously single friend calling me up and letting me know that they started dating someone after invites went out and they’d like to bring them. I would gladly eat PB&J for a few days to add the extra cost onto my catering.

Post # 117
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

When starting to plan our wedding, we knew we wanted a smaller more intimate wedding. Our guest list is at 91 people, includin ourselves and bridal party. My Fiance and I both agree that we only wanted poeple at our weeding, who actually knew us, and could physically hold a conversation with us (that was our strategy). We knew we would dissapoint some people, but there has to be a line. So in the end, it worked out that anyone who was single, and we knew wasnt in a long term relationship didnt get a +1, and those with serious relationships did. At the end of the day, we didnt want to be introduced to people on what will be the most expensive day of our lives.

Post # 118
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Pretty much everyone at our wedding is going to have a +1, but by default rather than because we’re “allowing” them.  Some people want an intimate wedding and reception, or the venue might have a guest limit, and serving food and drinks to a bunch of people you don’t know at YOUR wedding might be over-budget.  

Post # 119
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We’re only giving +1 to friends who are in relationships, I’m not concerned about people feeling awkward because the only people who are not getting +1s are mutual friends not in relationships. Like most of our friends from FI’s college department are not getting +1s but they’re friends with eachother. I do feel a little bad about not giving them an extra invite but the alternative would be to not invite them at all and they’ve already expressed that they would like to come to my reception. (FI and I are having a family ceremony in the garden and then doing a bigger reception afterwards, trying to keep it at about 65 people).

The topic ‘Whats up with the no-plus one rules?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors