Post # 1
I realize I will probably come off like an elitist snob here, but what is up with women in relationships with broke-ass men. My sister-in-law, for example, is dating a guy who lives with his parents, has no job, no car, nothing! Perhaps I am old fashioned but why is this acceptable to any self respecting woman? My friend is looking for a second job and her husband has 0 and is not looking either. These women make me crazy. When I was single I had the mindset that a man better have something and be going places if he wants to be with me. Remember that old song by TLC “No Scrubs”? What happened that having no ambition or success became sexy?
Post # 3
I believe that part of a successful relationship is being with someone who adds value to my overall life and well-being. If we can afford for him to stay at home with the kids because I am the primary bread winner that is fine.
But if he’s just a drag and not improving my life in other ways, then I agree completely – he’s gotta go.
Post # 4
WIth me it’s the flip side. I’m on two different Military spouses boards and both I’d say 90 % don’t work. And a lot of the girls are living with Privates who don’t make heck of a lot of money. And they all have like 4 kids! THen sit on the net and complain about being bored and broke.
I don’t know very many women who have deadbeat GFs
Post # 4
maybe you are seeing it more often because the economy is so terrible, and more people are out of work?
Post # 5
@MrsTVLover: I get that point. But why would you stop looking, not even filling out app’s at local places for whatever. Call, check up… anything. Any type of motivation. So I kinda get what the OP is saying.
When I dated, that wasn’t going to fly. If a guy lacked motivation in life, then he wasn’t the one for me. I work and I work hard and if I lost my job, I’d keep looking. If my SO/FI/DH didn’t even bother to look for a job, yeah – that wouldn’t fly. We couldn’t live on one salary (we could on his, but not mine).
Post # 6
@MrsFuzzyFace: I guess it depends on how much you know about the couple, because you never really know what goes on behind closed doors. My Darling Husband was unemployed for almost a year after getting out of the Army. I was the one that pushed him to taking a month or two off from working. After all that he had been through in the previous years, I felt like he needed a physical/mental break. When we realized we could make it on one income, we decided to have him stay home and work on starting our own business, so he devoted his days to this, along with taking investing classes and project management courses. Now, a year later, he’s in college working towards a degree in petroleum engineering. Before school, I’m sure there were MANY people who thought he was a bum for not working and leaving it up to me as a breadwinner. The way I see it, I don’t owe anyone an explanation as to the private decisions my Darling Husband and I make. If they wanted to make the decision he was a bum who lived off of me (without knowing the whole story), then they weren’t worth my time.
Post # 7
when i me Fiance he was living at home and he had no car, but he did have a job. did i think that was weird yes but it didnt bother me. when we met he was horrible at saving money but i did find out that he was living at home to help his mother out.
fast foward to today, he saves better than me and he pays the apartment bills on his own. i guess that its what ppl make and take out of the relationship. would he be where he is now if it wasnt for me, i dont think so and he tells me that everyday and how greatful he is that i took a chance on him.
i belive that in a relatioship you should be with someone who makes you a better person, i taught him how to be wise finacially and he tought me how to love myself more.
i guess to each their own
Post # 8
@MrsTVLover: I think the key here is the difference between not working/no ambition versus looking for a job. The economy sucks this is true but if you are at home watching tv eating cheetos versus actively looking for employment you have no one to blame but yourself.
(Note this does not refer to stay at home dads…do they have time for TV and cheetos?)
@MrsFuzzyFace: I agree it is interesting how things have shifted in modern society. My friends often tease me calling me a “gold digger” because of certain expectations that they just can’t understand. I don’t think it is fair but I laugh it off. My Fiance and I have run the race of trying to be successful in life and we certainly had to start at the bottom after college but we worked hard and got somewhere. Just because I expect ambition doesn’t make me a gold digger, I don’t ask my Fiance to do anything that I wouldn’t do myself to be successful.
I have a friend that comes from a family with money and she started dating a guy that had slob written all over him. Sure enough he moved in with her, quit his job and starting relying on her financially. She broke up with him and they soon got back together based on his promises. Two years later nothing has changed…she still pays his bills and he still doesn’t have a job. I just don’t get it.
@JsDragonfly: True, very true. Agreed completely that some circumstances don’t apply.
Post # 9
@MrsFuzzyFace: I just had this conversation with my mom this past weekend. My cousin is with a man that has NOTHING going for himself, she pays all bills, supports his child/ her 4 children and gives him pocket money! She always tells me my standards are too high and says nobody can live up to them. However, I don’t ask for things that I DON’T ALREADY have!!!! I’m not perfect, I’m successful and I have no use for scrubs in my life. I rather be single and have it going on than to struggle and be married to someone that does not add to my life. I expect my mate to have an education, financial stability, good career, own place, car, manners, work ethic, moral compass good credit and adore me. I think it has to be low self esteem, I don’t understand why women accept such foolishness. Having standards does not make you a gold digger, it makes you smart!
Post # 10
@JsDragonfly:I don’t think she is talking about the type of situaution you explained. She is talking about men that have NOTHING going for themselves and are not trying to make any changes. Their M.O. is to live off women forever. When one woman gets fed up they find a new woman with low self esteem to take advantage of and move in with her.
Post # 11
i lived this – and i think its because as women we tend to be nurturers and want to fix things so if we meet someone who is less than ideal we think we think we can make him into a better man
my bf before hubby was long term unemployed with no ambition, lived at home and was dead broke. by the time we broke up he had a job for almost 8mths, had money in the bank and was talking about getting his own place. within weeks of us breaking up he was back to where he was before we met, he actually quit his job and started sponging off a new girlfriend who he later married, knocked up and stayed home while she worked until she kicked him out. thank god we broke up is all i can say
Post # 12
@Soladylike: I like the way you think!
Yes, we are talking about losers who have nothing and no work ethic with which to get anything.
Post # 13
maybe these chicks think of these broke jobless dudes as fixer-upper’s which I personally wouldn’t have the patience for.. but maybe they look at it like ‘maybe i can mold him to what i want him to be’
or not.. just playing devils advocate 😉
Post # 14
Some women have low self esteem. They would rather finance and support a piece of man than to have no man.
I am not one of those women. Its one thing to have man who is at a low point (unemployed, but looking) and to take the lead for a period as @JsDragonfly: pointed out. But to have some man leech of me while I go to work??… Hell to the nawwww.
Post # 15
I kind of agree but like PP have said you don’t know their whole story so you really shouldn’t judge. On the other hand, if he loses his job, still lives at home and isn’t out there looking then yes…I too would have to reconsider the relationship. But I was also raised with the understanding that I need to take care of MYSELF and not to depend on a man for his money. So if Fiance were to walk out the door..I would be just fine. Nothing like having to depend on his $$$ and if he leaves you you have nothing. So I think it works both ways. There are plenty of lazy women out there too!!!!