(Closed) What's with the birth-shaming?

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 77
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Jenn23:  It’s funny, because I actually feel the exact same way about my local hospital options that you do about home birth.

Post # 78
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

@lealorali:  Have you seen the documentary, ” The business of being born” ..it used to be on netflix, if not I highly encourage you to watch it, or research it. Very interesting, and matches up to what your friends in the healthcare field are saying. Definitely makes you think about things.

Post # 79
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

@Mrs.LemonDrop:  That’s great that you feel that way. I personally don’t. I don’t see how it could be safer than having medical equipment, surgical equipment, extra staff available on hand for all the potential problems that can and do go wrong with births. I personally know many women who have almost bled out, pressure dropped, babies were distressed during labor and can’t imagine what would have happened to them and their babies had they not been at a hospital.

Post # 80
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

@cherrypie:  YES!!!!!!! Although I do lean more towards the unassisted birth to the elective cesarean birth in the less risk department. lol That may be because I know a number of moms that have had very hands off homebirths and it’s rare that a mom that doesn’t “make it to the hospital” really has significant issues (even though the media inflates the “OMGah, thankfully mom & baby are okay”) smh.

I love talking about birth and love researching all I can. Knowledge is an important factor to empowering women! 😀

Post # 81
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@cherrypie:  “We shouldn’t avoid these conversations just because they are difficult or controversial or someone might feel defensive about their preferences. “

This is important.

Post # 82
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think “birth shaming” while it’s not a good thing, is the result of women starting to think critically about birth in the United States and form opinions.  I am happy to see so many women informing themselves where for a long time women have just accepted whatever the doctor told them was best.  I don’t think a woman should be disrespected in any way for her choices, however, it’s fine to discuss why certain options might be safer or have better outcomes than other.

For example, c-sections are a procedure that I firmly believe should only be performed in an emergency or where vaginal birth is deemed too risky.  I don’t believe that women should be allowed “elective c-sections” because they are very costly to the healthcare system that is already in financial crisis and they are much riskier than a vaginal birth.  I only think that a person should be able to have an elective c-section if they are willing to pay for the entire surgery out of pocket.  Just like insurance doesn’t cover elective sugeries like face lifts, c-sections should not be covered if they are for convenience and personal preference, espeically since they are shown to put the mother and baby at risk.

Post # 83
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@cherrypie:  +1 to everything you’ve said.

Post # 84
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@runsyellowlites:  How are you doing, lady? Haven’t seen you around on HB lately, hope you and your family are doing ok!

Post # 85
4691 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@Merinda1994:  Ugh, I’m afraid to watch it because honestly it will just enrage me and reinforce the perception that I have little say in giving birth (Baby’s heart rate is drooping, time for a c-section. You haven’t progressed, time for more pitocin.”)

 I read Pushed by Jennifer block and I think it’s pretty similar. 

Who am I going to believe and trust? My personal knowledge/research and a documentary or an experienced doctor? Caught between a rock and a hard place. 

Post # 86
7778 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I find it offensive when women call other moms “uneducated” or say they “haven’t done their research” if they have a different kind of birth.  Most outsiders have NO IDEA what others know and what their individual circumstances are.  It is presumptuous and arrogant to think that because you read articles or saw “The Business of Being Born” you should get to weigh in on an individual’s experiences.  In a general sense, I am sure there is more medical interventions than necessary- but each circumstance is different and I would never presume to know enough to judge.

Post # 87
412 posts
Helper bee

@lealorali:  I am so worried about that and my mom laughed. ‘they are on shift’ or whatever. I wonder if some internal way they assign patients MIGHT tend to make doctors want to hurry up vs perhaps other ways. For instance. I don’t care if my OB GYN herself delivers my baby. If she is in a hurry and wants to go home AWESOME. The next doctor can catch my baby. I’d much rather that then artifically speed up labor. As long as the person catching my baby doesn’t drop her and can help her if need be I don’t really care which one does it. I can’t be the only one that feels this way. I looked and my hospital has a 40.4 C section rate. I’m already 23 weeks. Do I switch OBs this late? It’s terrifing. At the same time they have a level III NICU so I wonder if they are getting really hard cases? It’s still really high percentage. Plus my lady seems to always be in a hurry. 

Post # 88
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@the_newlymintedmrs-s17:  It depends. Some ways are better than others for the baby. With a c-section for example, the baby misses some hormons that would be beneficial because it doesn’t pass through the birth channel.

Post # 89
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@JenGirl:  +100000 I don’t see why people can’t seem to mind their own business. Just because a certain path works for you, it doesn’t mean that it’s going to work for everyone else. You never know what someone else’s situation is.

Post # 90
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@runsyellowlites:  this. x1000. I had a birth plan bc I live in a state where almost half of all babies are born by csection. Research states very clearly the pros of vaginal birth. I had to switch drs at 21weeks after he told me that I obviously cared about myself more than my baby. THAT is why people have birth plans. The US has one of the highest rates of infant mortality in the developed world, along with a Csection rate of over 25% higher than the world health organizations recommendation for a MIN percentage of csectIons. I don’t think those two are coincidental. Furthermore, I would never “shame” a woman for having a csection, but you can bet if it’s not needed I’ll be judging her doctor.

Post # 91
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

As everyone else is saying, yeah, I have no problem with people having birth plans. I think the issue flares up when women assume that is absolutely how a delivery is going to go, my-way-or-the-highway style. It’s a rough guideline, not a definitive pathway to having a baby.

I want a CNM-assisted-water-birth in a hospital sans c-section or episiotomy or medications (hence the waterbirth to help with pain), but it may end up that the only part of that which actually happens is that it’s assisted by a CNM.

I do think we should all strive to be educated about our options. I think it’s fair that women DO understand that getting an epidural raises the chances of having a c-section and episiotomy, and it increases the risk of certain complications for your baby. But I would *never* argue that it’s selfish if women choose to get one. Let’s be honest here — giving birth is not purely a logical decision, especially in the heat of the moment when you may be in what feels like agony.

But I have nothing but respect for someone who says, “I understand the downsides to (blank). But, these are the upsides. I think the marginal risk is worth it to me.” It’s a different ballgame entirely if someone is choosing an option blindly, and if I know the risk is great for mom and baby.

That comes from a place of compassion — not from “I’ma be a sanctimommy.” The difference between the concerned and the sanctimommy is that the former educates to protect; the latter educates to feel superior.

In the same vein, maybe I’d tell someone, “I don’t think you should do that for these reasons,” and it turns out they’re even more educated than I am — and I, in turn, learn something.

What isn’t cool is saying, “I had blank done, and it worked out perfectly.” One person is no where near enough of a sample size, and I think it can be very counterproductive to tell others to shirk potential benefits/setbacks based on only one experience.

We are all obligated to do our homework. We are not all obligated to have the same priorities, birth vision or analysis of our homework.

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