(Closed) What's with the birth-shaming?

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 92
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@CookieCreamCakes:  I just wonder why it’s ok for people to throw around words like “martyr” and that no one has to be a “hero”, but anyone who is excited about their natural birth is “sanctimommy”. In the same breath, that some folks are saying we should have birth choices, they are criticizing women who chose a “my body, my way” approach. I aske for the lights to be turned down, and whatever else I thought I might want. I’m the consumer, and I make the decisions for my body. My decisions were to have an intervention Free birth. What’s good for the goose, has to be good for the gander.

Post # 93
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@CookieCreamCakes:  Excellent points! It happens all the time in medicine and science – people look at the same set of research results and come to different conclusions. And that’s just he science part. Then you add in all the personal preferences and priorities and it’s just such a personal decision.

I’m all for education and knowing options/risks/benefits. But I also fully understand that I can look at the same information as someone else and come to a different conclusion about what is the best course of action. Honestly, I think that’s to be expected – people have different preferences and priorities in everything else in life – why not in birthing decisions?

Post # 94
Member
4691 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@keesl:  Sounds like you’ve done your research and you are very rational about all this! I would maybe just be very vocal about what you want? And the best thing to do is educate yourself on what your optionsare  (Pushed by Jennifer Block opened my eyes). 

I like your mentality for yout OB to “go home, just don’t rush me, bro!!!” I think they might have to “see cases through” though? I dont know. So worrisome. 

Post # 95
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

@eeniebeans:  “I find it offensive when women call other moms “uneducated” or say they “haven’t done their research” if they have a different kind of birth.

If people are saying a woman is uneducated because she is choosing something they personally don’t agree with, then I agree with you – that is offensive – but from my experience too many women are uneducated and haven’t done any research.

I personally know three women who have had C-sections because they honestly believe ‘a vaginal birth will disfigure your vagina’, ‘you can’t have sex for 6 months if you deliver vaginally’ and ‘your vagina will be super lose if you have a vaginal birth and your husband will hate sex, it’s just not fair to him’. Those are only a few of the uneducated comments I have heard. These women won’t even listen to their Doctors or to other mothers because they are the woman who are pregnant, and they know what they are talking about and they know what is best for them. They think they are smarter, better and love their husband more than woman who have had a natural birth, but they’re not – because their reasoning is based on incorrect information

I also know a woman who straight up, refuses to have a C-section. She thinks they are selfish, cause behaviour problems and autism, and are unnecessary. She has said on multiple occasions that she would never, ever have a C-section, no matter the situation. Luckily for her, her birth went without complications but if she had of refused an emergency C-section, well that would have been a decision made by someone who is uneducated and isn’t considering facts. She thinks she is a better woman, mother and person because she refuses a ‘horrible’ C-section, but how good of a person can you be if you refuse a C-section for uneducated reasons and your child dies.

Personally, I’ve always wanted a drug free, intervention free, natural hospital birth with the opportunity to labour in water; I am against C-sections for myself and would never have an elective C-section, but would have an emergency C-section is it was needed. When I fell pregnant (which ended in a miscarriage) we were expecting twins, and my SO was of the opinion that an elective C-section was the best option for us, I obviously did not agree with him. While I wasn’t thrilled with the idea, if it came down to risking my babies lives by insisting in a natural birth, or opting for a ‘safer’ elective C-section I would have chosen the C-section.

Sometimes circumstances change and you have to do something that you’ve never wanted to do, or something that simply wasn’t part of your plan.

Everyone should be free to make whatever decision they decide is best for them and their child, without having to deal with offensive opinions from others or ‘birth shaming’ but they should be making educated decisions based on research and facts.

Post # 96
Member
7778 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Mischka  You understood what I was saying. And I agree with you and your examples.

Post # 97
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

@lealorali:  I know, it is definitely a lot of information at once. I’m not going to completely change my perception of things from one documentary, or one book, or even a doctor. I think it is important to take it upon ourselves to research, and educate ourselves on this, and anything for that matter. 

I have never heard of that book, I will have to read it! I have no children, and I’m not pregnant, but any kind of enlightening information really interests me.

Post # 98
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

@eeniebeans:  uhm if you are referring to my comment, which is the only one I see mentiong “the business of being born” I don’t know how I was being “arrogant” or even weighing in on other’s experiences, I don’t know a lot at all about child birth, and I would never pretend to, or even give my opinion on such a touchy subject. I just recommended someone watch it (her comment was mentioning similar subjects) , it made me think about a lot of things that I never realized before. I certainly don’t understand how I judged anyone either…

Post # 99
Member
7778 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Merinda1994 I certainly did not mean to call you out specifically.  I was talking about people I know in my own personal life who live and die by that movie and judge others without knowing their personal circumstances.  I did not mean to imply that you personally were arrogant or judging- my apologies that it came across that way!

Post # 100
Member
2511 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’m really glad I haven’t been “shamed” for having to have a c-section. Granted, it wasn’t elective, it was an EMCS & I never in a million years expected to have to go that route, but because of it I’m certainly glad of the decisions I DID make before the birth. I was thisclose to choosing a birthing center over a fully equipped hospital, partly due to research on more natural birth experiences & partly because of location. I couldn’t shake the “what if” scenarios though, knowing that typically birthing centers are ill-prepared for emergencies. I elected for a hospital birth, with epidural. I thank God I chose the hospital & I don’t regret the epidural. Due to having an EMCS, I had to have an epidural anyway, because obviously they don’t perform those unmedicated. Even with an epidural, the c-section & recovery was THE HARDEST thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’d pop 20 babies out my hoo-hah before I’d have ONE c-section again. That’s why I’m not having anymore babies.

Post # 100
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Narrawallee reserve/beach & Mollymook golf club

I’m not shaming, but I am openly proud that I got through the birth without medication. It’s what my ideal birthing situation was throughout my pregnancy. However, had I changed my mind and had medication (because yes, I WAS begging for pethadine during transition) or required a C-section to get my baby out safely I would still be proud. Everyone has a different pain threshold. Everyone has different circumstances. What made my birthing experience all that I’d hoped for was that I was prepared to accept changes in my birthing plan and went in with no fear. I’m proudest of all that I grew a happy and healthy baby, regardless of how he got here 

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