(Closed) What's with the registry hate?

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

People actually consider registries to be gift-grabby?  But isn’t NOT having a registry, I dunno, money-grabby?

I am attending a family member’s wedding soon and they did not have a registry, and basically said (in so many words) that they prefer money.  This person gave me the cheapest item off my registry–one of the reasons that I think it’s nice that we had a registry in the first place is so people can give a $10-30 gift that they know the couple will like, and don’t have to feel bad about not spending much–but basic “etiquette” says that since they don’t have a registry, we have to give them at least $100.  I think people are much more likely to scoff at a check for $20 in a card than at a $20 registry item.

Post # 4
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with you. Personally, I do not like registries and therefore will not be having one. If I were having a 200 person wedding where there are a bunch of people I might not know well, I would reconsider because it’s ridiculous to expect strangers to know your style or needs, and word of mouth wouldn’t work well with that many people.

The thing I find tacky about the topic of registries is not the registries themselves, but the people! You never include a registry inside your wedding invitation, or any other party you are hosting yourself. Frankly, I find it tacky for any mention of a registry on any kind of invitation because it makes it sound like your entrance ticket is a gift from that list. Some people think it’s acceptable that if someone is hosting a party in your honor (bridal shower/baby shower) that it’s okaay to put it on the invite….technically, yes. Still not classy though, people should know to contact the host to ask where they are registered, or if they have any idea of the person’s needs. 

Word of mouth is really the only classy way to handle a registry in my opinion. 

Post # 5
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Pomapoo:  Going around and promoting your registry is what makes it gift-grabby. The act of having one is not gift-grabby!!! 

Post # 6
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@weddingnerd:  I don’t understand why it needs to be kept a secret. Why is it a secret?

Yeah, I have a registry, and to make it easier, here’s a tiny card in the envelope that has the information. I’m not going to make you dig around and interview people for that information! 

Post # 8
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Chrysoberyl:  It’s not a secret. It’s just not really classy to advertise what you want to get as a gift. Most people will contact you in some way when they find out you’re engaged, or when they get an invite to a shower or the actual wedding, and if they want to know where you’re registered they will ask you. Also for the older family members they will likely call your parents or your fiance’s parents. Not everyone likes to buy off a registry, but most people do know that it’s standard etiquette to give a wedding gift. So the ones who want to registry shop will find out, and the ones who don’t- won’t! 

 

Post # 9
Member
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@AB Bride:  I have nothing against registries, but I do think it’s tacky to tell people without them asking. I don’t want to hear about your registry on your engagement party invitation, your bridal shower invitation, your STD, and your wedding invitation. If I’m not sure what to get you I’ll kindly ask someone, or give cash. 

Post # 10
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@weddingnerd:  +1!
I think honeymoon registries are the T word, but hey…that’s just me.

Post # 11
Member
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@bellaluna290:  oh yes, honeymoon registries. I’d never heard of such a thing before WB. Gimme a break. I can barely afford to travel to work and you want me to help you travel to Hawaii? Nope.

Post # 12
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Aquaria:  +1

I don’t actually mind registries for second babies or elopements because I totally get that some people want to gift for this occasion (for example, we are giving a friend gifts even though it’s baby no. 2). I just think it gets to the “rude” point when it’s unsolicited. If someone asks, they clearly would like to get a gift and want some direction. You can always set up a registry as a “just in case” if anyone asks.

Post # 13
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Pomapoo:  Who says you have to give them at least $100?

 

…Ok, some bees say that, but some bees also rock $30,000 rings and drive Bentleys. No one around here gives $100 as a gift unless they are very close to the couple, and I am pretty sure the “rule” you’re referencing doesn’t actually exist. So don’t feel guilty! Give what you can.

Post # 14
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I actually don’t even mind if the registry is mentioned on an invite insert.  I’ve had a bunch of invites that have a little card with hotel info, directions, registry, any other informative things.  And it made my life a lot easier.  I guess I’m just lazy, but I’d prefer if someone just tells me info instead of having to hunt it down.  But that’s just my personal opinion.  My registry info will be on the info card with our invites.  I know that our families and close friends won’t mind beause that’s what most of them did.

Post # 15
Member
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@EffieTrinket:  +1

if I know I was invited as an obligatory guest (like a cousin I’ve only met once or twice) I would not be giving $100. Maybe $50, but not $100. It’s a shame that even though the economy is going bad, gift expectations remain the same. And there are a lot of couples who go over the top with their wedding plans because they expect to “make money back” on the gifts. 

Post # 16
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I have read so many threads on this and I will still never understand. If you don’t bring a gift, you are rude. If you tell people what you want as a gift, you are rude. People really just need to get over it. Just because I put the registry info in the invitation doesn’t mean I’m requiring you to buy me a gift, just as my sending you a wedding invite doesn’t require you to attend my wedding. It’s simply helpful info should you choose to use it. Yes, there are other ways one could aquire registry info but having it already in your hand with the invite is the simplist by far. I would honestly be irritated if I had to call around to figure out what someone wanted as a gift. I’d be curious to know how many people would actually come to the conclusion that it’s rude on their own, without society telling them that it is.

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