(Closed) What's with the registry hate?

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 17
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i dont mind them.

It’s common to put the registry in a small piece of paper inside the invitation.

I like registries because that way i dont have to “break my head” thinking about what would the couple/future mom/ whatever like.

Post # 18
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@MistySoda:  +1000000!

i don’t understand the registry hate either. we all know that it’s standard for couples to have a registry and it’s pretty well known you should get a gift (even though it’s not required) so who cares if the info in included with the invite? why do people make such a huge deal out of that? it’s so stupid.

 

Post # 19
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Not sure I understand the registry hate.  I live on another continent from most of my family, so often cannot make weddings for extended family.  But I still get invites, and it makes my life a million times easier when a registry or gift suggestion is on the card.  I don’t get them a wedding gift because I feel obligated, I do it because I want to – and I detest spending my hard-earned on something that someone won’t use or want – registries get rid of that risk.  Plus saves me spending money on international calls asking aunts and uncles what my cousins would like!

Same with the honeymoon registry – this isn’t 1950, many people live together before their wedding and many have all the household items they need, whitegoods etc.  I’d much rather buy friends/family an experience – a horse ride on the beach/massage/wine tasting which they can then tell me about, than another set of cutlery they don’t need!

I don’t see a polite, single line listing “registry can be found @…” on the official wedding invite as being tacky/money grabbing/rude.  People who have a problem honestly, its not your wedding, and there is no rule saying you HAVE to buy gifts!

(Also, for baby showers/bridal showers, its mostly organised by someone other than the parents/bride so again, registries are really helpful for those too!)

 

Post # 20
Member
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@EffieTrinket:  I think it’s regional. Around where I live, I’d give at least $125pp because I’m trying to cover the cost of my dinner. If I was in NYC or that metro area, I’d give more. If I couldn’t, I probably wouldn’t go to the wedding.

Post # 21
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think any kind of registry can be tacky depending on how you use it.  Any registry, honeymoon or regular, can be abused if you tried.  Register for a bunch of stuff you don’t want and return for cash.  Register for honeymoon trips and not take one.  Sure, people can find a way around anything if they want!  Does that happen often?  Probably not.  Here’s the thing for me though- everyone has different needs when they get married.  Some people want or need a new blender/mixer/vacuum/wine decanter, and some people really don’t.  

Personally, we are having a honeymoon registry.  Maybe it’s a little tacky, but I don’t see how not having a registry at all and assuming you’ll get cash is much better.  You may not be asking outright for cash, but not having a registry is basically just telling guests to give you cash.   We are paying for most of our wedding, and we’d really love a great honeymoon.  So we made sure to choose some place that has plenty of activities, we registered for just the things that we really want to do, and we are going to make sure to take a lot of pictures to send to our guests as thank yous.  We don’t need to upgrade our kitchen, or own fine china or crystal.  So I’d rather not have my guests spend their money on something we don’t need or won’t use.  If they would rather not give us a gift, then that’s fine too.  But I don’t want them to think they are giving us something meaningful when it really isn’t.

Just my .02….tacky can mean so many different things depending on your social circle or location or personal experience….a friend of mine had a honeymoon registry once and I thought it was really cool, because I could give them something I knew they would have an amazing time doing.  I had no idea when I started planning for my own wedding that there was a stigma attached to it.  So to each their own.  We all have opinions, and sharing is what this community is for.  

Post # 22
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MistySoda: Yes!

@CaliBrit: Yes!

All the weddings I’ve been invited to have had registry info in them. If we forget to go get a gift, we give some cash. If there was no registry info, we’d give cash. I’m not going to call someone’s parents, future parents in-law, grandparents, etc…to find out what the couple wants or where they are registered. No thanks.

 

Post # 23
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Like others have said, I’m lazy and don’t want to have to hunt down a registry just to buy you a gift. I’ll take my situation, for example. Normally, if someone wanted to know where I”m registered, they would call my mom or his mom. Well, my mom’s dead & his isn’t part of our lives. So now Aunt Jane has to figure out who to call to ask, or just start randomly searching chain stores until she stumbles upon it. So she calls my dad, who likely wouldn’t know but gives her my phone number and now we play phone tag until we connect. If I were Aunt Jane, I’d much prefer the info be included. In the time it takes to hunt it down, I can select, purchase, & receive delivery confirmation for the stupid thing.

 

Also, $50-100 for a wedding? Man, I’m cheap! My close friend got married a couple years ago & all she got was a jewelry set I made in her favorite colors. My standard gift amount is $20-30 max. Then again, I’m poor so friends don’t expect much from me.

Post # 24
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Don’t be so greedy.  You are getting married and no one owes you anything.  Accept gifts as generosity – don’t expect them.

Post # 25
Member
7450 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t care at all if the registry is on the invite. I mean I know to check stores or Google names to find registries but heck if it’s right in front of me that’s helpful. I think people get too offended too easily about how others choose to live their life. 

Post # 26
Member
7450 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@al0818:  Why is it greedy to have a registry? I don’t expect anything from anyone but if someone is kind enough to buy me something they can choose to look at my registry for an idea. I’m not asking anyone for presents. Although I do not expect gifts and I would not think it was ride if someone didn’t give me one, most people do give gifts. Registries are there to help them with ideas if they are stuck on what to give the couple.

Post # 27
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@al0818:  +1

I didn’t have a registry. I always thought they were tacky.  I honestly didn’t have need or want any gifts. Folks ended up giving me some presents, some gave gift cards, and some gave cash. It was not a problem.

Post # 28
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We are not going too for the reasons you mentioned. I think it is best and will cut down on the stress so we dont want gifts just well wishes. By our guests attending the wedding is enough for us.

Post # 29
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Pomapoo:  I HATE this idea. It’s ridiculous. We’re not registering. It does NOT imply that we want cash. What it implies is that we don’t want to tell our guests what to give us! They can give anything they want! They can write some nice sentiments in a card from Dollarama!

Argh, that drives me batty. 

Post # 30
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ok, probably going to get chewed out on here, but whatever. I have a registry, two in fact, and I see nothing wrong with them! It’s customary where I’m from. Also, my two aunts are hosting a shower for me in July and they put the registry info on the invite. *insert gasps here*

If that’s rude, it wasn’t my intention. It’s just how things are done around here. 

Post # 31
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I find it so convenient. If I’m attending the party I’m already planning on bringing a gift. If I had to call or hunt own every hostess to discuss what the bride MIGHT want would be extremely annoying… Write it on the shower invite and make the occasion easy on everyone.

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