(Closed) What's with "waiting?"

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We have discussed marriage and the future on many occasions. I had to ‘wait’ for the savings to increase and am still waiting – happily so but whilst we have regular talks and update each other on where we are with it, he says he wants to suprise me when the time comes – I am ‘waiting’ to see how/when he does it.

Post # 47
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We got engaged yesterday, on our 8th anniversary, and my god it was so worth the wait 🙂

Post # 48
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It interesting to see the different opinions on here regarding the “waiting period” and it’s very easy to pick out who the OP is referring to. i don’t think there was any intention of insulting anyone, but you know what? I agree with the OP. Browsing the boards, i see dozens of waiting posts the basically complain about their SO’s dragging their feet, or having a “walk date” , or saying “my bf knows I want to be engaged by this date” Does anyone remember valentines day? The board was practically littered with disappointment bc they weren’t proposed to. In My Humble Opinion, if you both love eachother, and want to be together, then be together. Let him surprise you! i wouldn’t want to feel like the only reason he proposed was bc he was pressured to.

i know some cases are different, I’ll give that. If you guys have been together like 6+ years and pretty settled, and he is unwilling to even talk about it or is giving pretty bad reasons for avoiding marriage, then I would certainly reconsider being with that person and looking for advice. But for those who are happy, and you both have discussed your future (and it’s positive of course) and the only thing wrong is that he hasn’t proposed yet, then I’d say “just let it be” and enjoy the ride

Post # 49
Member
1097 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think it’s not dichotomous…waiting or not waiting. There’s lots of different types of waiting. I personally was a waiting bee (though I wasn’t on the bee then) because now-FI wasn’t in the place of financial or emotional readiness. We had conversations about it and were same minded in the future, but not on the same readiness page at the same moment if that makes sense.

There are multiple types of waiting…women who have tunnel vision towards a wedding that it may interfere with thei relationship and have either talked or not talked about marriage with their partner, women who want to get married no matter the guy their dating, people who are young, broke, or other life circumstances, and so forth. 

Marriage is a big decision so I commended my Fiance for being straight with me and wanting to wait even if I was ready. That wasn’t an easy decision or conversation but something like marriage should take that great care and consideration. 

Post # 50
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I kind of feel like some of the bees on here should not throw stones from their glass houses. You know, like the ones with two designer dresses and a wedding worth $60k+ who then turn around and have a cash bar because they really can’t afford it all…  Or the ones who flip out over the cost of their FI’s wedding band being close to the cost of their own wedding band… Or the ones who sabotage their relationship with their husband’s families because they don’t want to extend a few more invitations for the sake of harmony with their in-laws. 

 

Any group of people has some people who you may raise your eyebrows at… But that doesn’t mean that what they post on here is representative about absolutely everything in their relationship, that they are missing out on life because they want something to happen desperately badly, or because they happen to think an out-of-the-ordinarily fancy dinner might have some deeper meaning behind it.

and frankly, thinking someone is desperate and sad because they wanto get married to the partner they love when, what do you know? That’s what you are doing! That just seems petty and snobbish.

Post # 51
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I get waiting but I wouldn’t do it. I wanted to be married within a year of meeting the right guy. When I knew, I told him, and we chatted marriage within the first few weeks. Then I said, okay, we’ve said we are getting married so doesn’t that mean we are engaged? He shrugged and said, ‘well, yeah’ and that was that. I picked a ring I liked and I love wearing it but I need him, not a grand proposal. I’d rather be his wife within a year than wait years for a big rock and a romantic, dramatic proposal. I adore him so thats it. I get it though and I sympathise. I am pushy and independant and not afraid to walk away. It comes across and men tend to fall in love with me or think I am a nutter. 

Post # 52
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

View original reply
SoonToBeMrsT16:  I was going to say the same thing. It seems that all of the posters on this thread have open communication with their partners about the future and what they want, and that’s awesome, and from what I read, it doesn’t seem like she’s talking about waiting bees in that situation. 

Post # 53
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it’s a pretty ridiculous term around here; never mind a complete board. 

Post # 54
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

To each his own. If a couple wants to wait for whatever reason, then great. If you’re down to get married and waiting isn’t an option, then have at it.  On to the next.

Post # 54
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

To each his own. If a couple wants to wait for whatever reason, then great. If you’re down to get married and waiting isn’t an option, then have at it.  On to the next.

Post # 56
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think I understand what the OP is saying.

I started off here as a waiting bee.  FI and I started talking marriage, he started taking me ring shopping etc etc etc.  About 4 months later we went to Europe and he proposed.  

There is nothing wrong with being a waiting bee, and for me, the reason I made the effort of getting an account at that point is I had some concerns as to what was going to happen immediately after the proposal.  I wanted advice on some situations and felt better being prepared, than waiting until I got the ring, and have to face some difficult circumstances straight afterwards.  Other waiting bees have other reasons.

I have noticed a few posts lately though from “waiting bees” that give a vibe off of some young girl being obsessed with the idea of marriage, rather than being obsessed with spending their life with their SO.  I’ve also read some posts lately of women who seem to think they want a ring yesterday, when they give the impression of their SO not even wanting to be in a relationship with them.  I have wondered to myself why they are on this website.  I mean, everyone has a right to be here, but why get so excited talking about your future plans when your future is so unknown, only to be potentially crushed? 

I think perhaps the latter could be what the OP is talking about?

Post # 57
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Charleston, SC

View original reply
saritacg7:  Depressing and sad? Just chill? Should have figured it out before I got invested? I find everything you said extremely offensive. I’m not depressed or sad about waiting for my SO to be able to propose to me, nor am I all worked up, and I promise you I knew what I wanted and what he wanted out of our relationship before becoming invested in each other. Personally, I’m in a long distance relationship and waiting for my chance to live in the same place as my SO, or at least for that opportunity to get close, before we get engaged.

I needed a timeline not just regarding getting engaged, but moving in and starting a real life together. It’s not easy to sit here, several states away, and wonder if I should give up a job opportunity because he might propose soon. It’s not ok with me to let good opportunities pass by without knowing that our relationship is headed towards marriage and in what general timeframe. Everyone who posts on those waiting boards has a different circumstance and a different relationship than you or your friends. Sometimes the struggles those of us on those boards face cause anxiety and worry, or hurt, or fear. We post there to get other opinions rather than be irrational and overemotional to our SO’s.

To all those who don’t “get” waiting and think waiting bees are all “cloak and daggar” and absurd for wanting answers from their SO’s or for needing a timeline, consider that no one else’s relationship is exactly like yours. No two couples have the same struggles or the same beliefs or the same needs/wants. Please consider this before you make rude comments about bees being depressing and sad for considering themselves waiting for a proposal. Just because you don’t understand something and it doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean it’s not the right things for someone else. I don’t judge those of you who don’t discuss marriage first and wait happily until your SO completely surprises you. Please don’t judge me for being a “waiting” bee. I can assure you I’m living my life to its fullest even while waiting, and a large majority of the other waiting bees are as well. 

Sorry, having a really really bad week. 

Post # 58
Member
24 posts
Newbee

I couldn’t agree with you more. I’ve always felt it was weird to ”wait” for him to propose before talking about marriage, planning some things, etc. Personally, I feel that when you know, you know. Whether you have been in a relationship for a month or 5 years, you know. Of course, you have to get to know the person, but take this for example: How about those couples who’ve met 3 months, get engaged, get married and live together forever, never seperating ? How about those couples who’ve been together 5 years, they get married, last two years and sign for a divorce ? I don’t see the point in waiting. When you know, you know. You know, he knows. Yes, the proposal is always important because it’s so romantic, and it’s such a beautiful moment, but what’s with the ”I’m waiting and I don’t know if he will ever ask me” part. Odd. 

Post # 59
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee

I consider myself a “waiting bee” not because I’m waiting for him to propose but because we are mutually waiting until we are at a more stable point in our lives to get engaged. It’s not that we can’t or haven’t talked about it; we’re completely on the same page but we don’t want an engagement without a ring, nor do we want a long engagement, so it will be a while before we have enough in savings to feel comfortable getting engaged. 

Post # 60
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon

View original reply
Mrs Canuck:  My Fiance and I openly discussed marriage for a long time before we were engaged.  

We even went together to choose mt engagement ring.  But, I knew he wanted to have a special, planned out proposal where he got to freak out a little and get down on one knee.  And after that, I would get to wear my ring.  

And he did surprise me with the proposal. And after I had the ring, we could REALLY start planning, without having to feel awkward because we had no physical proof of our engagement.

So basically, it was so that we never had to explain that the ring was on it’s way, and so that he could have his moment (which he did vvery well).

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