Post # 1
I’m really caught in a dilemma. Our budget is 10k (no more!) but with some catering and vendors based upon the cost per person is way over half my budget while less people means less catering and less venue cost.
I really want an intimate wedding with close friends and family, but my Girlfriend has a large family and we want to invite all of her family (even those who i don’t really want there like cousins and her dad’s side of the family).
My family is really 7 ppl max (mom/grandmother/aunt-uncle/2 sisters/nephew). and friends maybe 20 from my side. Her family and friends is like 70. We have a on-going list that has 102 people so far, I know this is just invitations (people won’t come) but I just feel that some are coming for food and not even there to support us! so why invite them at all! But i don’t want to NOT invite them just to be cordial.
Mind you neither families have so far offered to help out (i know her parents are really crafty and will be able to make things like centerpieces and stuff)
Our imaginary budget would be 10k either way (and we’re not going over that- we plan on DIYing, craigslisting, and enlisting friendors)
so what’s worse? Having a wedding that has the potential to run over budget to get everyone there or have an intimate people (less than 45-60) and have her family be irritated?
Post # 3
Congrats on your engagement! Stick to your budget – you don’t want to start your married life in debt over a one day party.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Stick to your budget. Maybe a brunch wedding or an afternoon cocktail and cake reception is a better idea that an evening dinner wedding. The thing, though, is that if you go intimate and you’re using tht to justify not inviting lots of close people, then you have to keep it intimate. Intimate means nuclear family and bestest best friends (likely the people who would be your wedding party) and the spouses/longterm partners of all those people. If one of you starts inviting an aunt or a cousin or something, you’re going to wade into treacherous waters.
ETA: don’t try to balance the guest list down the middle. Balance it based on closeness of relationship. Unfortunately, that means if her family is larger, she’s going to be inviting a larger share of the guest list. If she has 5 superclose friends and you have 2, then that’s the way it goes. You shouldn’t invite 3 buddies just to even it out.
Post # 5
@HannahGrace: not engaged yet. soon tho! 2/14/14! she doesn’t know yet lol but she knows theres a ring.
Post # 6
I’d answer your question quite simply – always have the wedding you can afford.
Post # 7
Stick to the budget. We had an immediate family wedding with two friends (so less than 15 people) because we didn’t want to blow our savings and/or go into debt in order to marry. Yes, our families were disappointed but they’re not the ones paying for it.
Post # 8
Have the wedding you can afford. I wouldn’t get too gung-ho planning until you’re actually engaged and the two of you can sit down with your families and start to make plans for a wedding. Right now you’re getting yourself worked up a little prematurely, in my opinion. You have the entire engagement to stress about the wedding — let yourself relax a little bit now and focus on enjoying the remaining months before you’re engaged.
Post # 9
Hi @otto2008: Etiquette Snob here… lol
In truth the trick is finding a happy middle ground.
You want to work out a Budget that you can afford… whether that is all savings, or a bit of Credit thrown in (just enough that you are comfy with)
There is no reason to go into debt for years on end
That said… as someone who has been married 2x (1980s & now) I would say that it is VERY Important that you put the emphasis on YOURSELVES & YOUR RELATIONSHIP as well.
That is the Wedding Ceremony & the Honeymoon.
A BIG Reception is a nice way to Host Family & Friends for supporting you… BUT it is not a requirement.
One can have a very tasteful Reception that doesn’t break the bank… Cake & a Bevvy thru to a top drawer Formal Black Tie Event.
BUT I honestly believe that a Wedding & Marriage is ALL ABOUT THE COUPLE…
So be sure and budget for a Honeymoon… it is a great way to kick start your Marriage. The Honeymoon is a time to relax and enjoy one another. To wind down after the taxing time that comes with Wedding Planning & the Wedding itself.
Based on all experiences… make the Ceremony & Honeymoon a priority for sure !!
Hope this helps,
Post # 10
@otto2008: The wedding you can afford is the best option, for sure.
The only people you really “owe” an invite too, in my opinion, is your parents, because they raised you. Then it’s good to invite your siblings and grandparents, because usually you’re close to them. Any other family members – aunts, uncles, cousins etc – are optional. They’re not really that close to you. They didn’t raise you, and if it’s like my family they see you a couple of times a year, if that. If you can afford to invite them., great. If not, let them get upset. Sure they miss out on a free meal but they’ll get over it.
I suggest you put family people at different “levels” of closeness and decide how far you can invite, e.g. 1. Parents; 2. Siblings; 3. Grandparents; 4. aunts/uncles 5. cousins.
At our wedding we went to as far as cousins. When DH’s older brother got married he had a smaller wedding and only went to “level 4”, i.e. aunts and uncles but no cousins. The cousins weren’t that close to him and weren’t upset. DH’s other brother had a smaller wedding still and only went to “level 3”, i.e. no aunts and uncles. I’m not sure if the aunts/uncles got upset, but he and his wife weren’t going into debt over it.
Post # 11
@otto2008: we want to invite all of her family (even those who i don’t really want there like cousins and her dad’s side of the family).
I’m confused here. Do you want to invite her whole family or don’t you? If you’re only inviting them out of obligation I would save yourself the trouble (and the money) and keep it small.
Post # 12
Have the wedding you can afford. Im happy that after looking at the two different lists either 120 vs 65 guests we chose the smaller intimate wedding. We can afford it and dont have to worry too much about pairing items down or trying to find the lowest of the low pricing out there. I also am begining to like the idea of it too. We can talk and relax, enjoy our guests company at the wedding, basically have really memorable memories with these close family and friends.
Post # 13
@otto2008: have the wedding you can afford. Based on your post, I’m guessing that inviting people put of obligation and going over budget because of that is going to lead to a lot of stress and resentment.
Post # 14
@otto2008: Go with the intimate wedding for sure. I would never want to start my marriage in debt because of a wedding. And if you guys aren’t even close to some of those people then I don’t see why you should have to feel obligated to invite them.
After you get engaged, I think you should both sit down and figure out exactly what you can afford on your budget. And then you should discuss whether she really wants those family members invited. If she does, maybe you can find a way to cut costs. If not, problem solved!
Post # 15
I think you’ll regret the over budget wedding much more.
Post # 16
Have the wedding you can afford. The people who REALLY care about you will understand that going into debt is BAD for YOUR LIFE and if they loved you, would they wish debt on you? Of course not? Weddings allow people to show their true colors and I really would go for intimate if I were you. I had an intimate wedding and Darling Husband and I were lucky enough to save up enough for a friends’ party the year later, but we just couldn’t so it in the same year. All our friends were very understanding so far.