Post # 1
I am going insane with this. I have a 60 guest cap for my wedding. I don’t want more than 50 there, total, though. Unfortunately, there are so many people in mine and FI’s families who are in these perpetual on-again, off-again relationships, or they’ve got a new love interest every week. To save money and space, and to keep things intimate, I’d like to not include these people’s dates. But, I know this is going to end up causing major issues.
My RSVP cards say, “We have reserved ___ seats in your honor.” So, should I wait until it’s time to send the invites out and fill out the RSVP cards in accordance with who is in a relationship at that particular time? Or, should it just be that if they’re not in a serious relationship now, seven months beforehand, they don’t get to bring a date?
Post # 3
Honestly, I’d say if they’re not in a serious relationship now to nix their +1. I’m also having a small wedding like you and I just refuse to have a bunch of strangers there for our intimate, special, once-in-a-lifetime day. A few people who are married or seeing someone seriously who I don’t know, I am more than happy to invite their SOs but friends seeing someone casually? I’ll pass.
Maybe try and leave some flexibility in case your cousin suddenly gets hot-and-heavy engaged or something to her boyfriend in the next 7 months, but otherwise stick to your guns.
Post # 4
@MissCalifornia: I agree. I think the people attending your wedding will understand being that it’s an intimate affair.
Post # 5
We have space for 50 for the day; so far, our guest list is at 46. Most of those are couples/families, but a few are friends, most of whom are single at the moment. So, if they’re all ‘coupled up’ by the wedding, we’ll only have four ‘spaces’. Because of this we’ll probably only invite long-term partners (eg at least a year) to the day, and everyone else to the evening. I wouldn’t invite someone we didn’t know/hadn’t met, or give someone a plus one just for the sake of it (eg I would if they didn’t know anyone else or they were a ‘lone singleton’, but if several of their single friends were going I see no need for a plus one)
Post # 6
The only guests whom we allowed to bring dates to our wedding were those who were married, engaged, or living together. The sole exception I made to this policy was on behalf of a friend who had been in a 20-year relationship with someone but who did not fall into any of those other three categories.
Post # 7
We’re having a small wedding, too (the place can hold 80 and I’m hoping for around 60).
Our +1 policy will be for long-term couples only except, of course, for the wedding party (I’ll leave it up to them if they want a +1 or not). If we end up inviting anyone who wouldn’t otherwise know anyone, I’d consider sending out a +1. I do want everyone to be comfortable.
Post # 8
I’m allowing +1 for my friends because while it’s a small wedding, it’s also a destination for most of them which will reduce attendance, and we want to have about 60 people. For the few single friends, pretty much everyone else there will be strangers to them. 95% of them are married or in serious relationships anyway.
Post # 9
You gotta be married or engaged to have a +1 for us. Ideally, we’d let everyone bring a guest but our ceremony site can’t hold too many people. We didn’t want to cut out friends or family for someone else’s boyfriend or date.
Post # 10
I will probably allow all plus ones (just not obnoxious children). but if I couldn’t, I’d have a policy that they only get plus ones if they don’t have other friends/family at the wedding (would be terrible to be at a wedding and not know anyone!). if a big part of the entertainment is dancing, then it’s awfully hard to invite people who don’t have a dance partner, ya know?
Post # 11
Everyone on the guest list knows several people who will also be in attendance, as they are related (it’s ALL family). So, I don’t think anyone will be lonely. There are so many people in my family, and one of FI’s cousins who are in these on-again, off-again, toxic relationships. I have no idea what to expect out of them in seven months. I guess the good thing about this is that I’ve been wanting to have the smallest wedding possible. If I tell people they can’t bring their flings, I’m almost positive my guest list is going to shrink dramatically, because they’re going to be mad and not come. I don’t want to make people mad, but this is my wedding and I really just want it to be very private.
Post # 12
On our ‘first cut’ list there are only a handful of people who aren’t married/engaged/living together (the beauty of being the last sibling and one of the last friends to get married). We’re planning on giving them a +1. Save the dates are a couple months away though so we have time to decide.
Post # 13
@Pinksapphire: I don’t blame you. WIth just our families we’re over 70ppl. And that’s stopping at aunts/uncles and first cousins we actually talk to.
Post # 14
No plus ones. If my Fiance or I don’t know your S/O’s name (to be put on the invitation themselves) you don’t get to bring the date. So no one’s invitation said “Miss Awesome & Guest” but many said “Miss Awesome & Mr Funny” or whatever.
Post # 15
I sort of regret our +1 policy because some people RSVPed for additional guests that were not originally on the guest list. We gave some people +1s and others not. Part of me thinks this was a big mistake but I’m not sure I would do it differently.
We invited a lot of family friends and so we invited families as units. Unless one of the family members had a spouse or Fiance, we did not invite their significant other. For our friends we see more often, we let them bring a +1 if they were in a relationship that was at least 3 months old.
Post # 16
I am only allowing +1 for our of town guests that would have to travel alone- which is one person, my best friend. She is in a relationship but her boyfriend will be out of the country during my wedding so I extended her the offer of bringing a friend.
All local guests are either married or chronically single, luckily for me.