Post # 1
With New Years around the corner, I’m starting to get asked by misc.. friends to either make plans or they invite me and Darling Husband to events. I’m getting totally stressed out by this and I don’t think this needs to be the case.
Here’s why it’s stressful:
1. I feel lame to say: let me check with Darling Husband and get back to you
(Do I need to get over this and just use that response).
2. If I talk to Darling Husband and say ‘no’ – then doesn’t that look lame?????
3. Do I wait to respond until I talk to DH?
….a little background: I’m the one that’s more social that Darling Husband. Typically, it’s my set of friends that are doing the inviting and 9 times out of 10 Darling Husband will not want to go. Usually, I’ll just go on my own – but – with it being New Years – I really don’t want to make plans he isn’t on board with….
How do you handle situations like this?
Post # 3
I typically say something like, “That sounds great! Let me see what we’ve got planned for that evening and I’ll let you know!” Sometimes I’ll add in things such as, “I’m not sure what his work schedule is that night, but I will let you know.” I don’t think it is lame to ask for your DH’s opinion on whether you want to go to certain events (especially if BOTH of you are invited!). My Darling Husband likes to be included in decisions, and is actually pretty hurt if I don’t ask him first (mainly because we work conflicting schedules, so getting some good time with just the two of us is sometimes difficult). I don’t think any less of my friends if they tell me they need to check with their SO’s first either!
ETA: I think that certainly they would be understanding since it is a holiday. I think that most of us would feel a bit weird either not getting our SO’s opinion on a holiday gathering or just leaving him behind on New Years. If he’d rather spend it with you and not go, I think that I’d be inclined to check with him first (because that would influence my decision on whether or not to go myself).
Post # 4
Can you say that you’d like to check with the husband to make sure he didn’t plan something already instead of saying you’d like to check with your husband? The first response implies you are coordinating with your husband, the latter implies you are waiting for him to make a decision.
Post # 5
Its not lame to say you are going to check with your hubby first because that is exactly what you should do. Thats is just how is goes when you have a SO, so don’t feel bad about it.
Post # 6
I don’t think it’s lame to say that you need to check with Darling Husband. What if he already made alternate plans? Just keep it short and sweet, “let me check what plans we have” etc.
Post # 7
My standard response is “oh that sounds great. let me check our calendar and get back to you.” and i’m happy that this has become DH’s standard response as well. So no one looks like the bad guy if the response is then a no. But we do try to make all social decisions together, (although we dont’ necessarily attend all events together).
Post # 8
I say I’ll check with Fiance…it’s not lame it’s practical. You need to make sure he hasn’t come up with other plans or see if he even wants to do the thing in question.
Post # 9
My husband is the one who tends to mess this one up and tell people we’ll be there before he checks with me, and it’s so annoying, like he isn’t being considerate of what I might want to do, and then if he backs out it’s obviously because of me. So please don’t do that! Luckily my Darling Husband has gotten better about it. If someone asks what you’re doing you can say you’re not sure yet, Darling Husband and you haven’t made a decision yet on what you’re doing that night.
Post # 10
Thanks for the tips everyone! I will be using your suggestions soon!
I was stuggling with saying ‘let me check with DH’ because I didn’t want to throw him under the bus or make it seem like it was HIM that was poo-poo-ing the plans. But, I love – let me check our calendar or let me check what plans we have, etc… because it’s on ‘our plans’ and not on him or me.
LOVE the hive!!! 🙂 🙂
Post # 11
I usually say something like, “That sounds like fun! I have to make sure there isn’t something else I’m forgetting that day, but I’ll double check with Darling Husband and definitely get back to you tomorrow/Tuesday/whatever.”
I think by trying to be excited and specific about timeframe, it comes off as ok. Plus, it allows you to avoid being double booked, respect Darling Husband, and also- in the end if he doesn’t want to go and you back out, you can conveniently say something like “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that we’re committed elsewhere” even if its just for a night on the couch. It’s a nice way of dealing with things, so if your Darling Husband doesn’t come out looking like the “mean one” to your friends.
Happy New Year!