(Closed) What’s your approach when people try to make plans with you (and your SO)?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I typically say something like, “That sounds great!  Let me see what we’ve got planned for that evening and I’ll let you know!”  Sometimes I’ll add in things such as, “I’m not sure what his work schedule is that night, but I will let you know.”  I don’t think it is lame to ask for your DH’s opinion on whether you want to go to certain events (especially if BOTH of you are invited!).  My Darling Husband likes to be included in decisions, and is actually pretty hurt if I don’t ask him first (mainly because we work conflicting schedules, so getting some good time with just the two of us is sometimes difficult).  I don’t think any less of my friends if they tell me they need to check with their SO’s first either! 

ETA:  I think that certainly they would be understanding since it is a holiday.  I think that most of us would feel a bit weird either not getting our SO’s opinion on a holiday gathering or just leaving him behind on New Years.  If he’d rather spend it with you and not go, I think that I’d be inclined to check with him first (because that would influence my decision on whether or not to go myself). 

Post # 4
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Can you say that you’d like to check with the husband to make sure he didn’t plan something already instead of saying you’d like to check with your husband? The first response implies you are coordinating with your husband, the latter implies you are waiting for him to make a decision.

Post # 5
1327 posts
Bumble bee

Its not lame to say you are going to check with your hubby first because that is exactly what you should do. Thats is just how is goes when you have a SO, so don’t feel bad about it.

Post # 6
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think it’s lame to say that you need to check with Darling Husband. What if he already made alternate plans? Just keep it short and sweet, “let me check what plans we have” etc.

Post # 7
5493 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

My standard response is “oh that sounds great.  let me check our calendar and get back to you.”  and i’m happy that this has become DH’s standard response as well.  So no one looks like the bad guy if the response is then a no.  But we do try  to make all social decisions together, (although we dont’ necessarily attend all events together).

Post # 8
4802 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I say I’ll check with Fiance…it’s not lame it’s practical.  You need to make sure he hasn’t come up with other plans or see if he even wants to do the thing in question.

Post # 9
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My husband is the one who tends to mess this one up and tell people we’ll be there before he checks with me, and it’s so annoying, like he isn’t being considerate of what I might want to do, and then if he backs out it’s obviously because of me. So please don’t do that! Luckily my Darling Husband has gotten better about it. If someone asks what you’re doing you can say you’re not sure yet, Darling Husband and you haven’t made a decision yet on what you’re doing that night.

Post # 11
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I usually say something like, “That sounds like fun! I have to make sure there isn’t something else I’m forgetting that day, but I’ll double check with Darling Husband and definitely get back to you tomorrow/Tuesday/whatever.”

I think by trying to be excited and specific about timeframe, it comes off as ok. Plus, it allows you to avoid being double booked, respect Darling Husband, and also- in the end if he doesn’t want to go and you back out, you can conveniently say something like “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that we’re committed elsewhere” even if its just for a night on the couch. It’s a nice way of dealing with things, so if your Darling Husband doesn’t come out looking like the “mean one” to your friends. 

Happy New Year!

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