What's your comfort level when it comes to modesty ?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
2486 posts
Buzzing bee

Same here – I’ve sunbathed topless in the Mediterranean, and I have no problem walking around topless, unless it seems to bother someone. I’ll qualify, though, that I’m fairly lean and small-chested.

In our society it’s much easier to have a positive body image when you’re small. And having a positive body image, I’m sure, correlates with feeling less of a need to cover up. 

I notice women changing in the bathroom stalls at my gym all the time. I have a feeling it’s more because of a lack of body positivity than it is some general sense of modesty, though obviously the two can reinforce each other. 

Post # 3
Member
392 posts
Helper bee

duchessgummybunns :  I agree with this. I am

not comfortable walking around naked because I’ve gained weight and I’m not happy with my body. If I were still thin, I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all. 

Post # 4
Hostess
3985 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I tend to take my cues from where I’m at.  I live right smack dab in the middle of Mormon Land, so nobody is even remotely naked.  Ever.  Like. Ever.  You would NEVER see a woman in any state of undress in a locker room or anything.  So I’m hesitant to change out in the open now also.  

But if I’m with my heathen hippie group of friends on a river trip or something, you can bet that I’ll end up buck naked at some point. 

Post # 5
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

stalstal :  I grew up in the dance world so my personal level of comfort extends to being fully nude. Honestly, I could walk around naked on the street and be totally comfortable (if that were a safe thing to do).

That said, I am very careful in both professional scenarios and new social scenarios. At work I strive for modesty so far as it extends to covering cleavage and wearing skirts that aren’t too short. When I’m trying to make friends with new women I don’t know very well I go even further and stay away from anything that shows my figure too much. This has been a game changer for me, once I changed my style around potential female friends virutally all of my woman-woman issues disappeared. I personally like showing off my figure, and I’m one of those women who has always struggled making female friends. Well, once I started hanging out with lady friends in baggy tops and jeans I was suddenly accepted wayyyyy more. Now if I’m hanging with girlfriends I go for a shapeless top and pants. If I’m at work I go for a knee length skirt and a blouse. If I’m out with my man…that’s when I go for my super sexy stuff. 

Post # 6
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

I went to some Korean baths with a friend two weeks ago and no one is allowed to wear clothes.  Suffice it to say, I have no issue with nudity.  Actually, it’s kind of nice to see women of all sizes, shapes and ethnicities nude and comfortable in their skin.  Everyone just looked so nice no matter their size or age.   I actually left feeling relaxed and with a better body image.  There  were a bunch of young girls playing nude, and I’ve decided I will definitely take my daughters if I have girls. 

Post # 7
Member
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m pretty modest I think… I’m in really good shape (IMO lol), I gym everyday and still don’t get naked at the gym. I either arrive dressed or dress in a toilet stall. Not ashamed, I just don’t care to be on show. I always wear long leggings and a t-shirt. I don’t really feel the need to show it off or try to get attention for my body. 

I don’t wear bikinis in public or bath topless. I don’t even really expose my arms or wear crop tops or short shorts. Also don’t really do bodycon etc. Not for religious reasons or anything. And it wasn’t forced on me as a child. I just prefer to cover up in general. 

How weird for a 26 year old white girl haha =P

 

Post # 8
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2017

stalstal :  I was totally fine about wearing shorts, crop tops, mini skirts, etc. before I got pregnant and I think I probably will be again afterwards. For now I feel weird about wearing revealing things while I’m pregnant, I’m not sure why…that might change when we get into the summer and I’m way overheated. Morally, I think people should wear what they want and the idea that a woman is worth less because she wears less is crap that no woman should ever take. It’s rooted in women being seen as objects and I hate it. I’m all for modesty but it should be a choice! 

Post # 9
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

pussinboots07 :  YES! I had the same experience! I visited Korea and went to a bath house and after doing that I really think that Western women would have fewer body image issues if we had more nude public spaces. Seeing seemingly perfect looking women au natural really made my insecurities disappear. Seeing women of all ages and ethnicities and body types walking around stark naked and totally comfortable was really empowering. It was also nice to see that the skinny perfect model type has a bit of razor burn and a tummy pudge, or seeing that the full-figured lady in her 70s was just OWNING it like a boss, or seeing women with different sized and shaped breasts and just hanging out and relaxing was so different for me (as an American). I left feeling like a feminine goddess, and I am by no means perfect. I have felt more self-conscious about my shortcomings at a beach in a bikini than I did totally naked at a bath house. 

Post # 10
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m fat, and I am incredibly comfortable walking around nude in front of people who don’t mind it. I’ve done plenty of very large camping events that had a lot of body-positive people there, and I really have learned to love my body. It’s just a body. Mine is not any better or worse than someone else’s, though I have learned I need to take care of it if I want it to last me well into my old age.

i always feel bad for people who aren’t confident in their own skin. I’ve been there, but it’s such a bad place to be, and learning body confidence/acceptance/love has seriously improved my life. 

Post # 11
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I was in theatre all through high school and college, and after undressing in front of random guys during puberty, I don’t feel weird about being undressed or naked in front of anyone. I’ve also gotten various piercings that required a stranger to see rather intimate parts of me. I don’t prance around naked, but I suppose I’m not really fazed by the idea. 

Post # 12
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

mrshomemaker :  I don’t trust anyone who says they have trouble making female friends. The problem is usually the person saying that. And PLEASE. You dress crappy so women will accept you? Because you’re so hot that they’re jealous if you wear your non-frumpy clothes? That’s exactly what you’re saying, right? That’s really gross.

Post # 13
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

fredthebasil :  hey, i’m genuinely sorry that my comment rubbed you the wrong way, i can see that i’ve really upset you and that was in no way my intention. i was writing without thinking that much about context (obviously you don’t know me) and i totally understand how you read it. 

what i should have written was: i used to dress very inappropriately and had issues both professionally and personally. when i started dressing more appropriately i had more success professionally and personally. i was not taught how to dress for certain occasions or how the way you dress impacts the way people see you. i love my girlfriends and am definitely not a “i have no female friends” kind of girl now, but i did go through a phase where making friends with women was an issue, and yes, i believe the way i dressed had a part in it (not because of being a certain level of attractive, but because of being a certain level of “appropriate”). i know you judge that sentiment (having trouble making friends with women) in itself, but i personally did not grow up with positive female role models. i’m also bisexual, so platonic relationships with women were very confusing for me for a long time. i confused attraction with friendship for many years. 

For me personally, and i understand if you dislike this, dressing more conservatively (not fumpy at all! just less skin baring!) had a very positive effect on my relationships with women. As did, and perhaps i should have included this, being more emotionally responsive, sending thank you cards, inviting after being invited, etc. i currently have a rich friend group filled with gorgeous, strong, confident women. I hope you can see that this doesn’t come naturally to all of us. I don’t pride myself on having trouble being friends with women, my childhood and adolescent years were incredibly lonely. All I wanted was female friends and it has literally taken me years to cultivate female friends. It’s not a bragging point, it’s a weakness. 

Post # 14
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

I grew up modest, came from a modest traditional family. I like walking around with less clothes when no one is around. It feels liberating (might be because of my stuffy upbringing). I used to be super body conscious. I think I still kind of am. I was okay with showing off my legs but was very self-conscious about my boobs (flat as a board). But now that I am getting to my late 20s, I think I ought to show what I have while I’m stilll young! You’re only young once. Pull out the bodycons, miniskirts, and barely there bikinis. Woo!

Post # 15
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

I used to have no problem with my body. I was raised homeschooled, so we were taught that a body is just a body… everyone has one, and everyone has something about theirs that they don’t like. Then I got into a public high school, and that all changed. Other girls in the locker room began to make fun of me because I was pudgy. Looking back, I realize that I wasn’t nearly as overweight as I am now, but they made me feel so bad about it that I stopped changing for gym at all. I started wearing my gym clothes as regular school clothes… and then they started making fun of me for that. 

 

Since then, I can’t be even remotely naked in front of others. I sometimes have trouble going out in shorts or tank tops. I always feel like people are judging my weight, even though I know rationally that nobody really cares (everyone’s so busy thinking about their own lives and bodies, why would they bother with mine?). That fear is hard to erase, though. Try being called a whale every day for three years, and see if you can ever feel comfortable with yourself again. :/

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