(Closed) What’s your deadline????

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@PrettySedity: As someone who is only partially employed at the moment (and severely underemployed at that), I just wanted to say that being in that situation really messes with your head.  I have enough savings to live for several years without working, but I still freak out over spending because I don’t know when I’ll get a “real job.”  I know it’s tough, because you can’t put your life on hold while his employment is in flux, and I know he could let you buy the ring, but guys are funny about that.  Just trying to offer some perspective.

Post # 4
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

My current deadline is the end of September. This is the date that my bf and I have agreed upon. During “our talk” he told me he wanted to propose this summer and I specifically said, “That’s Great. so some time before september?” He agreed. If he doesn’t propose by then I will seriously consider walking. I know that that is a controversial move, but I feel like if he doesn’t propose by September he will be breaking a very important promise to me. That said, if he were to sit me down prior to September and give me a logical, rationale explantation as to why he couldn’t make the deadline, then I would probably stay.

Post # 5
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

I actually don’t have a close deadline. My boyfriend says he will propose before he moves out of state for grad school, but that is a year and a 1/2 away. He also says he has NO clue when he wants to propose, all he knows is he just isn’t ready to right now. =/

If it comes to be August 2012 right before he moves I will be leaving. At that time I think he will have had plenty of time to start our 4-6 year engagement with a proposal and if he hasn’t proposed by that time it will be pretty obvious that he is just dragging his feet. I already feel like I’m not getting the same in return as far as our relationship, so if there is no proposal before he moves I will not go into a 4 year LDR with my “boyfriend.”

Post # 6
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

I was given a 6 months to 2 years away guestimated timeline. Our 2 year anniversary is in June. I don’t remember when he gave me the timeline, but now that I think about it, I think 6 months would be this June…or maybe August. Who knows. But I have told him that I don’t want to hit the 3 year mark and know nothing has happened. I don’t have to be engaged or married by the 3 year point (thought it would be nice) but at a minimum we need actual plans to be engaged. I know everyone is different, but personally if someone doesn’t know how they feel about me after 3 years I deserve to move on and find someone who will. I hope that comes across right. πŸ™‚

That being said, I think I won’t start setting timelines to discuss things until after our 2 year anniversary. But I think I’m doing pretty good. After he gave me a timeline I haven’t pressed for details since. I’m sure it’ll come up again at some point between June and December of this year if things seem like they are stagnant.

@PrettySedity: I hope he surprises you! Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’ll have to be before October this year. Before we’re long-distance. πŸ™‚ Hopefully he’ll do it earlier so we have time to spend together being engaged, but I promised I wouldn’t give him any more input!

Post # 9
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t really have a “deadline”, so to speak…I know we’re getting engaged soonish, we just both want to have our career ducks in a row before taking that step. But we’ve both got work right now and both will have some kind of job (him, a full-time job; me, freelance work with the possibility of extending my internship into a p/t job) when we graduate in May (him) and June (me). So I’m assuming it’ll come sometime shortly after that, since the ring I want is only $600 and we’ll be splitting the cost evenly, so saving up won’t be an issue at all. I really want to get married next summer and I’d like about a year to plan just so that we can get the vendors we want. So I guess my deadline for that would be him proposing by the end of August at the very latest.

However I’m not in the leave-if-he-doesn’t-propose-by-the-deadline camp…he and I are perfect together and I’m not willing to give that up. (Though I totally respect and understand those ladies who choose that…it took me a long time to come to my own decision on the matter and I struggled with whether or not to leave if he didn’t propose. Ultimately I decided it wasn’t for me, but I fully support those who choose it if it makes them the happiest.)

Post # 10
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Our original deadline was my 30th birthday in 2 weeks. He was laid off, so we have different priorities right now. We can afford the month to month bills, the house is paid off and we have a good amount in savings, but he still worries because as a man, he doesn’t feel like a man without a job. He does temp work, but it’s not the same. So the deadline is off at the time and I’m fine with that. I don’t feel comfortable spending savings on a wedding when one of us isn’t making what we used to. (Me being pregnant messed up our original date anyway. Original date we agreed on-9/11/11, date I’m due- 9/8/11. Yeah, baby is funny.LOL)

Post # 11
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

@Tunacupcakes: i feel for  yout tunacupcakes. i also have a long timeline… my bf said “not in the next year”, which really is no timeline at all. i envy those who have less than a year!

Post # 12
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@PrettySedity: Only if I live frugally, if that helps any (and I’ve got a very low cost of living atm).  I had initially intended that money to go to paying off my grad school loans, but started the emergency fund once my field got really unstable, which turned out to be a very good thing.  Sadly, it’s been slightly over one year of unemployment for me.  Got my part-time job (different field) in August.  I just freak out that it’ll never end.  My “to do” list prior to engagement is to get a job.  I actually have a great resume from having worked at the top place in my field in my city for a few years plus having gone to really good schools, and I interview fairly well (or so I’ve been told after interviews and twice people I’ve interviewed with have recommended me for jobs at other places), there just aren’t many jobs to go around and I’m fighting to keep my skills relevant too now.  But because it’s been one year, I absolutely freak when my bf says he’s tired of working/doesn’t like his boss at the new job/didn’t like boss at old job and wants to quit because I don’t want both unemployed, and don’t know when we’d get employed again.  He of course, thinks I should be more understanding and 100% supportive of the decision to quit.  I wonder how much losing my job may have delayed my engagement.

Post # 13
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We somewhat have at timeline of August/September of this year. August is our anniversary and September is his birthday and he mentioned doing it by his birthday at one point. I told him I refuse to go into 2012 and still not be engaged so shall see what happens. Like Kant, I wouldn’t just up and walk away if it doesn’t happen by then, but he better have a logical explanation of why he couldn’t do it yet.

Post # 14
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

@wishingonadream04: I feel kind of the same way. Whether I would walk away or not would depend on how he failed to meet the deadline. If he just didn’t propose and didn’t acknowledge that the deadline had passed, then I would be pretty pissed. Not necessarily because I didn’t get a ring, but because he broke a promise that he made to me and didn’t even acknowledge it or explain his actions. However, if my bf had a good reason why he couldn’t propose (he wanted to work on some specific aspect of our relationship, finances were tight, etc) and he sat me down prior to the “deadline” and discussed it with me, then that would be totally different.

Post # 15
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My lease is up at the end of June and if FH hasn’t asked me to move in or to marry him, I will move to a different town that is more convenient for me but further away from his house and his work. I moved into my current place thinking I would be here for 6 months max and it was easy to move into and I was in a hurry to leave my last place. It’s really close to his work and so convenient for him but I hate it.

Post # 16
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t have a timeline as such… I would be disappointed if we were not engaged by our 3-year anniversary (March next year). He has told me it will be sometime this year though so I guess it is my timeline.

To be perfectly honest though, I love him so much I couldn’t see myself leaving him regardless of if/when he proposes. I’m pleased we’re both on the same page though πŸ™‚

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