Post # 1
So long story short, Fiance and I have been arguing because I feel like he is not showing me that he loves me. He thinks it is rediculous and is confused about what I expect, and the truth is I HAVE NO IDEA! I got thinking about these love languages tonight. Anyone know theirs??? What makes you feel most loved? Does your Fiance have the same love language as you? Have you ever had this issue???
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
Post # 4
Oh, I LOVE that book! If any ladies have not read it yet, seriously, go out and buy one, then read it, then have your guy read it, RIGHT AWAY!!!
My experience with it:
At first I was like, yeah, ok, alright, i guess so. And then all of the sudden, I was reading something that was so personal and relevant to me, it was like they stole MY stories and put them in the book. It gave me a huge insight into myself. For example, I have always been known to make very strong female bonds. I make sisters, not friends. Anyway, when these friends go and do things with other people, or guys, I get heartbroken, and freaking jealous, and sometimes mean. I never knew why. Until I realized my primary love language is Quality Time. It made so much sense!!!
I then had my SO read it. Well actually we read it together out loud going back and forth. His love language is Physical Touch with a secondary of Giving Gifts.
We make such a good complement to eachvother because of it. He loves giving me gifts of acts of service. 🙂
But the best part of having both read the book is… If either of us are not giving the other enough love in their language, we now have the words to explain to the other. He might say, I’m not having my love language met, and I can step back and see what I need to do to make sure he is feeling loved.
P.S. I voted Quality time, but I have a strong secondary Acts of Service
Post # 5
Oh, I need to add that it is very true that you can’t receive love if it is not in your love language. My guy tells me all the time how beautiful or great I am. But it has no effect on me. Years of low self esteem have made me not believe words. But when someone actually does something for me…. wow…that just floors me. Or wants me to be around and do things with them all the time above anyone else!!! sigh…it melts my heart!
Post # 6
@Candycane: What book? I need something new to read.
Post # 7
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary D. Chapman
I did a quick search on amazon, they are selling paperback pretty cheap.
Post # 8
Great Read! I recommend to everyone
Post # 9
Agree that the book is a good read. My love language is physical touch but this is specific to my relationship with Fiance. IRL and with other folks, I actually hate being touched, touching or hugging other folks. My strong secondary language is acts of service. Luckily for us, physical touch is also his love language so we don’t struggle to much to show one another love in a way that meets each other’s needs.
Post # 10
i also love this book ! Such a good read 🙂
Mine is words of affirmation and my fiances is physical touch.
we both got quality time as our second so we make time for date night ever week.
It really helped our relationship because we use to have those moments when your just not feeling the love
Post # 11
I read it. My love language is Quality Time. =)
Post # 12
Mine is definitely quality time, FI’s is definitely physical touch.
He doesn’t understand sometimes when I don’t feel the need to be cuddled near him all the time, and I don’t understand why he doesn’t think my being there with him sharing time together is enough. It’s complicated when you’re both different in how you show someone you love them, because you expect the same kind of response from the other person, and if they don’t show it the way you do, you can feel like they’re not showing you love (which is not true at all, but it can seem that way.) Lol.
Post # 13
Acts of Service
To me, actions speak louder than words. And I cannot stand laziness. Doing something as simple as setting the table speaks volumes and shows he cares.
Post # 14
Can you have more than one? I would say Acts of Service is my top language, but Words of Affirmation is a close second. I’ll have to see if this book is available on my Kindle.
Post # 15
I guess mine (the one I “speak”) would be Acts of Service. I’m always doing little things for Darling Husband. I doubt he notices, but the one I think I require would be Words of Affrimation. I don’t hear “I love you” nearly enough, I have no doubt Darling Husband loves me but it’s always nice to hear. If not then Physical Touch is second. Putting his hand on my back makes me melt, or I got a leg cramp last night and he didn’t say anything he just started massaging it. Stuff like that
Post # 16
My primary language is receiving gifts, followed by acts of service. I feel the most loved when Darling Husband does even the smallest gift, like picking up my favorite candy when he goes to the gas station. Or a card just because. Knowing that he thought of me and knew I would appreciate it makes me happy.