(Closed) What's your policy on large $$$ gifts from relatives?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t, so I my advice might noy be wanted… But, IMO if it’s too good to be true then it probably is.  Everything comes with a price…whereas if it’s to have control of the reigns with how the money is being spent… (Ex: for the wedding, they wants 60% of the guest list, to pick the menu…ect)


best of luck!

Post # 4
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Just Christmas gifts? Or related to the wedding?

Post # 6
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Ehhh to $$$$ for the wedding.  Maybe if they put it toward your honey moon or something…but with weddings this might mean they want to invite who knows how many random people. Like, not even Santa knows–that’s how major this could be–and Santa knows everything.

Post # 7
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

QUESTION – What’s your policy on large $$$ gifts from relatives?

ANSWER – Lol, I like them !!

Ok when it comes to Weddings they can be somewhat awkward, if the vision that the B&G has doesn’t match up well with the one that the Gifter has in mind (as many say, such gifts sometimes come with strings)

BUT if people can work thru that the Gift is going towards a specific item(s) then the results are usually far better.

“Mom & Dad are giving us $ 15 that we’ve agreed upon will be put towards the Alcohol”

OR … The Honeymoon… whatever

In those cases things work out better cause then you can just decide to allow the Gifter to be in charge of that one particular thing (Cocktail Hour – Wine with Dinner – Bubbly – Open Bar etc)

As for the rest of your post / Question

This seems to be a theme today Post-Christmas.

The truth is some people just have more disposible income than others… it is up to them how they choose to spend it.

Just because you don’t have the same (or the same priorities for your own money) doesn’t necessarily mean you should stand in judgement of what they choose to do with theirs

I can tell you right now if I won the Lottery, I’d be gladly doling out Cash to my Nearest & Dearest…

And exactly WHY would that be a bad thing ?

So in this same way with other of life’s celebrations … Christmas, Birthdays, Graduations… whatever are just a part of that thought process

“I CHOOSE to spend my money on YOU”

This doesn’t naturally mean that you have to reciprocate Dollar for Dollar… you only have to be a Gracious Receiver.

If you do feel the need to become a bigger Gift Giver towards such people, it should be on your own accord, and what you can comfortably afford, or budget for.

Hope this helps,

Post # 8
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@vegas:  Talk to your fiance. Does your fiance think they have strings attached? He would know.

Some parents really do give large gifts with no strings attached. Mine have, and I’ve accepted it gratefully.

Post # 9
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I like $ gifts, personally. So far my dad has offered a small amount (but I haven’t heard anything since his offer) and my aunt paid the deposit on the venue as a gift. I am not anticipating strings.

Yes, ask your Fiance if he thinks there will be strings. 

Post # 10
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s a tricky one.  Maybe they are just that generous?

My parents have had to help us out with significant amounts of money recently and it’s not going to end anytime soon.. I’ve been sick, can’t work, we can’t surivive on FH’s salary and mum and dad want to help.  I hate it but we really have no other option so it’s a constant battle with myself to not feel guilty.  I’m so appreciative, but I just feel that at my age they shouldn’t have to be doing this, so it’s tough – even if they’re not putting strings on us, I’m doing it to myself!  

But yes, some people, like my parents and, it sounds like, your FH’s parents, really just are that generous.

Post # 12
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@vegas:  oh don’t get me wrong, I agree! I know FH also struggles with my parents generosity for similar reasons.  And there’s a difference between just being generous and the sums you’re talking about! But I guess different sets of parents are different.

for us, we’re constantly having to rationalise my parents generosity. They’re paying for our wedding, yet in 2013 have been to the US twice (skiing in Aspen for 2 weeks then 10 days for the America’s Cup), three weeks in Europe and plenty of trips over here. So clearly they can afford it, it’s more a case of us getting “comfortable” with it and not feeling so awkward.  

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