(Closed) What's your relationship with your SO's mom/FMIL?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think her saying she wouldn’t go to the wedding indicates anything about her feelings about you. I know that sounds crazy, but if she’s very traditional Catholic, then she is basing this on her religious views, not on you. So I wouldn’t take it personally, and I’d cross that bridge when it comes. There’s honestly no need to worry about it now, especially since you and SO are on the same page. 

Post # 4
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MidwestBride2012:  +1. She’s VERY Catholic (Catholic with an Upper-Case C, is what I call it). OK. Thats cool. Hey, as long as she doesn’t hate you. She likes you. Thats better then Debora on Everybody Loves Ramon.

“my mom would come to my wedding even if it was on a volcano that was about to erupt. His response? “That’s sounds awesome! We should do that? You wanna?” Lol…wow.” <— This is an awesome response for your SO to have. I think you guys are on a great page. Good for you. and my mom would come to my Volcano wedding too…but she would complain the ENTIRE TIME!

Post # 5
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Future Mother-In-Law is a little needy for my tastes.  We need to make ourselves available to attend EVERY family function, and we need to have a dinner for EVERY person’s birthday.  If we cant she whines a little and gives us a hard time. We see her more than my parents who are only 5 minutes down the road. 

So i am going to have to start saying no.  But i know she means well.  She just is very family oriented. But i do get along with her fairly well. 

Post # 6
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Surprisingly I like his mom much more than I like mine.  She may come around, and may not.  My friend is having her wedding in the Catholic church just so her dad will come.  He did not go to her sisters weddings.  Sad but true.

Post # 7
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I got over being mortified of Future Mother-In-Law doing my laundry….the first time I saw a neatly folded lacey thong…..Yeah….We’d go over to use their machines and she is a cleaning freak so you try to do it and she already has. I started making a separate pile of my underwear to wash at the apt.

My relationship with her is actually really great. I guess I always expected to have a bad one because of horror stories.

Post # 8
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i can’t figure it out.

she’s SUPER nice to me… like, goes out of her way to be nice to the point of being suspicious.

i am fortunate that she is so nice, but i feel like i’m not 100% there yet

i don’t feel completely comfortable or confident with our relationship, and i’m not sure if that will ever happen.

we are quite different in a few fundamental ways and that may be what is holding us back

Post # 9
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’ve never met her, and never will.  My SO has not spoken to her in over 10 years and he turns 30 this year.  She is a toxic person and he cut her out of his life.  On the bright side, I don’t have to worry about her folding my panties!!  Another reason to only wear cute panties though!  I would want my future son’s SO to have a lacey thong rather than granny panties!

Post # 10
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ha!  That’s happened to me once too- My Future Mother-In-Law found a lacy thong in the dryer along with my FI’s clothing when she was moving his clothes to a laundry basket to use the machine.  Luckily, she didn’t fold it or anything, but she did mention that she saw it.  :X

Our relationship is interesting.  We used to get along great (lunches just the two of us, spending hours together crafting, etc), but it’s become a little strained since we’ve started planning the wedding.  I’m hoping once the wedding is over it’ll improve to what it used to be.

Post # 12
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I love my Future Mother-In-Law. She’s very lovely and generous, though she can be a little passive-aggressive and throws a little fit if she knows we’re going to FFIL/FSMIL’s house. She and Future Father-In-Law divorced over 20 years ago, and she’s still bitter about it, and I’m like, just get over it already. Then again, apparently he was a different person back then. She does a lot for us, lets us do laundry at her house (and takes it from us and does it herself half the time, though I’m really picky about my laundry, so I try to do it) so that we don’t have to try to find quarters all the time. 

My big thing is that she’s still in touch with FI’s awful ex. She’s gotten Christmas cards, birth announcements and birthday party invitations (for the kid she had with her new husband), and Future Mother-In-Law invited her over (or okayed her coming over) back in the spring to see Future Sister-In-Law and her son (FI’s nephew) when they were in town. Future Sister-In-Law could very well have had her go to HER parents’ house instead. I can maybe understand if they had an amicable breakup, but she cheated on him and then told him that it wasn’t a big deal.

I’m not close to my own mother, so having at least one mother figure is good. After my first boyfriend’s mom (she haaaaaaaated me), I said that I would never be with someone whose parent(s) didn’t like me.

ETA: We went on vacation a couple of years ago, and she watched our cats. When we came back, she’d cleaned our entire apartment, which was awesome! She was like, “I hope you’re not mad…” LOL MAD?! That I didn’t have to come back from vacation and have to clean? No. Except that she picked up in the bedroom, which included our lube…argh.

Post # 13
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Swizzle:  Your fmil sounds like mine she’s kind of needy he recently moved out of her house a couple of months ago so now its just his mom and sister living there. she gave him the silent treatment over the phone because he didn’t invite her over to his house for the weekend since the last time she was down two weeks ago. To make matters worse she calls herself the queen. I love this woman and I do anything for her but I don’t like her. She’s a passionate woman. If you do something she approves of she’ll praise you endlessly but if I do something thats not to her standards she’ll turn on me and bitch and moan to her son about it.

So I only get along with her for the sake of my SO’s sanity

Post # 14
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My SO’s mom is very very nice to me. But, personally, when I finally met his family (after almost 5 years together!) I was more worried about his Grandmother because that’s who is the apple fo my SO’s eye. But thankfully they both love me. His mother and him are not that close, cordial is what I would call THEIR relationship. But thankfully it all worked out. But whenever His mother and I chat online she always types D.I.L for Daughter In-Law. I type M.I.L. It is our informal way of achknowleging it

Post # 16
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My Future Mother-In-Law is great! She’s super nice and even though Fiance is a momma’s boy, she’s very careful to not step on any toes/be overbearing. It’s very impressive, actually. She’s awesome and a lot of fun! She’s also very smart about business and money (a big weak spot for me), so we can ask her questions and get advice on that kind of stuff.

She tells me all the time how excited her and Future Father-In-Law are to be getting a daughter. They have two boys, and Future Brother-In-Law is engaged, but his Fiance is not very friendly and kind of dramatic.

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