(Closed) What’s your sleep style?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh fun! We’re Cliff-Hangers. This article seems to think there’s a cause for us not touching in our sleep. There’s no anger/grief/anxiety issues and I certainly don’t expect him to “roll back” to me anytime soon, LOL. There’s no “distance”….it’s just that a good nights sleep is a necessity, lol.

When your husband suddenly retreats to the far side of the bed without waiting to see if you give chase, it’s tempting to diagnose rejection in that stony back. Should you? Experts stress there is no “good” or “right” sleep position in marriage. “Although any deviation from the usual could indicate a problem, most of marriage is about partners working with each other’s vulnerabilities,” says Elizabeth Flynn Campbell, a New York psychotherapist who specializes in relationship issues. In other words, rather than worry or steam, try to see what’s behind the sudden withdrawal. Anger? Grief? Anxiety? If you know he’s going through a trying time, give the man the space — you’d want the same if you were sad, or stressed, and simply needed to regroup. In time, he’ll roll back toward you.

And consider this: Maybe he’s finally comfortable enough to admit he’d rather get a good night’s sleep away from you than cuddle up together, listening to you snore or grind your teeth. If the distance leaves you lonely, maybe you can suggest that you at least start the night together. If you still sense distance, it may be time to have a heart-to-heart to find out what’s really going on. [attachment=858948,107567]

Post # 4
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

not yet married so i think our styles are befitting… we’re either “the spoon” or “loosely tethered” depending on the night of the week! 🙂

Loosely Tethered

When love is new, partners will often sacrifice the pleasure of their preferred sleep positions to the rewarding intimacy of couple sleep. Five or so years into marriage, many couples feel secure enough to allow a bit more space — and comfort — into their bed. Often, they’ll sleep tethered, like Spoons but with distance between them. The emotional current is sustained by a touching hand, knee or foot. “This can be a way of balancing the need for space and the need for closeness,” says Glass. “It also diminishes the pressure for sex. It’s an affectionate, not sexual, position.” Of course, you can get closer whenever you like.

The Spoon

So close, so safe, this is the most common sleep position for the first three to five years of marriage. “Usually, the man is the embracer,” says psychiatrist Samuel Dunkell, M.D., author of Good-bye Insomnia, Hello Sleep , who has been analyzing the body language of sleep for more than 25 years. “When a woman assumes the posterior position, it may indicate she is the more giving partner or that he needs special nurturing.” Semifetal, genitals against buttocks, the Spoon provides both of you with maximum physical closeness, though it’s not necessarily erotic.”Many couples simply find the Spoon a comforting, safe cocoon,” explains Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D., a psychologist and marital therapist in Baltimore.

During early marriage, couples tend to maintain the spoon position for much of the night, mirroring each other. “When one person turns, the other follows suit, so that the spoon position is resumed on the opposite side,” says Dr. Dunkell. But just because you’ve been married a while doesn’t mean you have to give up this closeness. “When my husband hits the snooze alarm in the morning, it’s our cue to spoon until the day can’t be postponed any longer,” says one woman who just celebrated her seventh wedding anniversary.

Post # 6
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My husband and I are usually Cliff Hangers too.  We really like our space when we sleep, plus we get overheated really easily in the summer so spooning isn’t a good idea because it makes a sweaty mess.

Post # 7
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Hmmm…I can’t find mine, since our sleeping style involves a big sprawled out beagle taking up 75% of the bed!

Post # 8
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

We used to be Zen style, but lately we are cliff hangers because my husband has started twitching in his sleep and it wakes me up! I have never been a spooner though to actually sleep; I have always found I get too hot.

Post # 9
36 posts
  • Wedding: August 2009

We roll around a lot, so we cover at least 4 of those positions on any given night.

Post # 11
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

The hubby and I were usually “Loosely Tethered” but since I have been preggie, I have introduced my boyfriend pillow (my Snuggie) which makes it uncomfy to touch each other while sleeping and nearly impossible to spoon each other since it sits between us. Also, for about 6 months or so, the hubs was suffering from a herniated disc in his lower back so it was hard for him to sleep looking toward me. So for months we have adopted the “Cliff Hanger” style to accomodate the pillow and his pain. We do what is best for us to allow us to get the proper sleep at this time.

Post # 12
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

haha, I don’t even know how it would be possible to sleep with the honeymoon hug.  We usually sleep loosley tethered or with the leg hug.


honeymoon hug for reference:

Post # 13
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Kericita- I cannot sleep with someone else breathing on my face! That would make me crazy!

Post # 14
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

@kericita – you have to be pretty drunk to pass out like that and actually sleep. haha

Post # 15
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Im a crazy sleeper but mostly Zen style.

Post # 16
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We fall asleep in “Sweetheart’s Cradle” and eventually drift to “The Leg Hug.”

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