Post # 1
Hello Aussie bees,
Just wondering, do you think that Australian etiquette is different to American? I ask because I’ve found that I often have no idea why people are so offended by things on the etiquette board. Things like registry cards in the invites for example, apparently a big no no, but i’ve never been invited to a wedding here that didn’t have the registry info included. Am I alone?
Other things I’ve never heard of before finding Weddingbee include: first looks, candy buffets, engagement photos, Out of Town bags, big fancy bridal showers, grooms cakes, and wedding cake being anything other than heavy fruit cake.
Post # 3
I have never encountered registry information not been included in inviations. But im not going to include them in mine. I actually like the idea of not having them there!
First looks: my FH was like, the first look im going to see is you walking down that aisle, I dont want to spoil it! I have never heard of an aussie wedding doing this.
Engagement photos are a big thing where I am, so I had heard of them. Out of Town bags wasnt until i got engaged did I find out about these babies, and then saw them the week later at a friends wedding! Kind of a novelty!
Bridal showers I have been to a few, but I have never been to an all out one. Mainly about 20 ladies and a low key event. Grooms makes.. never heard of them until looking at a girl justines wedding on here.
Wedding cake, definitely heard of them being other than fruit cake.
Candy bars, while I like the look.. I think people would think we were wierd for having them at ours!
Save the dates! its like a world first that I sent them out to our friends and most of them thought it was a great idea! but had never ever seen one. I had one of my friends ask is this the actual invitation.
Since opening up a wedding blog after blog I am totally inspired that my wedding will be differant to the normal ‘aussie’ percieved wedding.
I think alot of brides before our generation havent gone into detail. I think the new generation coming up will be into every detail and things will start to change.
Post # 4
Oh yea, never heard of save the dates either, but I find wedding invites tend to go out really early instead. I Just got an invite to a December wedding in the mail yesterday.
Actually I lied. My aunty had 1 tier fruit cake and one tier mud cake. But all had fondant, no buttercream or anything, which is why I don’t eat wedding cake, I don’t like fruit cake or fondant!
Post # 5
Yeah it is different! I’ve only known of one Aussie wedding where there was registry info included with the invite. To be honest the idea of a wedding registry isn’t really done much in my area. The idea of asking for presents seems makes me a bit uncomfortable and I know it’s helpful for guests but I haven’t quite come to terms with doing this yet – Let alone putting the info in with invites or not! LOL That being said my best friend didn’t have a registry and a lot of her guests asked her if she did have one so I suppose it might be more widely accepted than I think it is!
Out of Town bags no, but I have heard of couples having practical, helpful favours such as Havianas at a beach wedding etc. I haven’t seen a candy buffet nor been to a bridal shower – we’ve just had kitchen teas. I’d never consider a first look cos like you ccrane we want our first look to be when I’m walking down the aisle! I only know of one couple that had an engagement photo shoot and at the time I remember thinking it was a bit OTT but that was before I was enlightened by weddingbee! LOL
Post # 6
OOh and I had heard of Save the Dates but the only ones we’ve ever recieved were for destination weddings. That being said I’m sending them out for our wedding cos a lot of our guests will need accommodation for our small country town wedding and they’ll need to book early.
Post # 7
I’ve been to plenty of kitchen teas, but generally they were not gift giving occasions, or just little things like can openers or veggie peelers or tea towels. Or recipe sharing. Never big expensive gifts!
Post # 8
I think Americans do things on a much larger scale than us (I speak as an Aussie here even though I’ve moved to NZ; Australia and NZ are very similar anyway). This seems to apply to every other ‘event’ too. Just look at how they do Halloween! They put a lot more money and a lot more effort into everything. Aussies are far too laid-back (and possibly less commercialised) to worry about too many of the extras.
We’re also a lot less formal. I read a thread a while ago about what people call their parents in law. Quite a few called them Mr and Mrs so-and-so. I haven’t called anyone Mr or Mrs other than my school teachers. We call doctors, dentists, university lecturers etc by their first names rather than Dr so-and-so, and would be more likely to call a cop ‘mate’ than ‘sir’. That lack of formality carries over to weddings too.
The ‘first look’ is actually something I’ve seen picked up at my New Zealand wedding forum. Quite a few people are choosing it for more practical reasons: it means once you’ve had the photos done, you can go straight from the ceremony to the reception without missing a minute of the party. Perhaps Kiwis are less romantic and more practical, perhaps the NZ wedding forum girls are more into photography (and therefore wanting to spend hours and hours of their day on it), or perhaps they’re just all about the party!
Post # 9
I can remember recieving Save the Dates for my Aunts wedding which was way back over 15 years ago. Although my Sister didn’t have them for her wedding which was about 10 years ago.
As for wedding registrys, I have never been to a wedding that had one. I know my sister’s friend had one for their wedding, because I can remember her complaining that everything on it was very expensive, nothing under $150.
Athough a couple of my friends have included a wishing well poem with their invites.
I have noticed alot of people talking about kids at weddings, and I can remember growing up going to alot of weddings with my parents. I never went to funerals, but always weddings. It wasn’t until I was in my mid teens that I stopped going to weddings with my parents. But thats sort of the time when I would expect the child to be big enough to fend for themselves anyway. Actually when I think about it, it was around the same time when I stopped going to weddings but started going to funerals….funny that,
Another thing I have only encountered recently was RSVP cards. I can remember always picking a nice congrats and thankyou for inviting us card to send back to the couple and in that including if you were attending or not.
I agree that generally I have found Aussie Weddings to be more relaxed then what I percieve American Weddings to be. I say percieve because I have never been to an American Wedding, but have looked at blogs and watched shows like whose wedding is it anyway. And I am sure they are showing a narrow cross section of the community. But then again they do say Everything is bigger in the States. lol.
Post # 10
I think Aussie weddings tend to be smaller (the biggest one I’ve ever been to was 160 people – and I come from big Irish Catholic families) and less formal than American. We don’t have quite so many rituals that are really common (like a father/daughter dance). If we do have a ritual (like a rehearsal dinner) it tends to be fairly relaxed (most of the ones I’ve been involved with have been BBQs). I have gotten invites with registry information in them and once upon a time I didn’t think much about it – but now I frown on it (and complain to Darling Husband but not the couple of course!) I have never been to a shower or a kitchen tea but I know friends who have. I’ve never known anyone to do a formal “first look” although I’ve known several couples who came to their wedding together (so presumably at some point, they saw each other – they just didn’t call it that and didn’t see the need to have it all photographed). I think the differences are very interesting but at the end of the day I’m always happy to be an Aussie rather than the alternative 🙂 I hope that even with the joys of the internet we don’t all suddenly have globalised weddings that look the same no matter which country you’re in – that would be so boring!
Post # 11
I love some of the american traditions and I think it would make our wedding a little bit differant than the norm. Even tho it maybe the norm in the US. My friends are like.. oo never heard of that before and so It feels kinda good to do something ‘unique’ mind you its not on the grand scale.
But I would agree things are done on a lesser scale.
Post # 12
what I find sort of amusing is when I look for ideas for a small wedding, and some sites call a wedding of 150 people a small wedding…….maybe its just me, but thats a huge huge wedding. I wouldnt know 150 people to invite! But then I have a small family. I am often suprised when I hear some brides say that their FIs family alone totals 60 + guests. I find that hard to picture in my mind.
My idea of a small wedding is 20 – 30 people, I have promised myself to only invite those near and dear to me. Parents, Siblings, Grand Parents, but probably no Aunts or Uncles or Cousins as neither of us are close to them anyway, and the rest friends.
Post # 13
I think we are just more relaxed and we do tend to have smaller weddings. Our guest list is currently at around 80 – which was bigger than I thought it’d be! I recently ordered our invitations from an American etsy vendor and asked her to change the RSVP cards that they mail back to ones that just listed our phone numbers so that guests could text or call us with their yays or nays. I just couldn’t picture people actually filling them out, addressing an envelope, finding a stamp and sending it back to us! Too much mucking around for us Aussies! LOL
Post # 14
Wow – this is a good thread!
I have to say, i have been to quite a few weddings in the past few years and of the “North American traditions” i have seen:
– Candy buffett – AKA Lolly bar at 2 weddings (as an outside thing it was set up once the dancing started for everyone to grab some on their way home!)
– Father/Daugher or Mother/son dance – 0 weddings – this is definately not done here as far as i can tell.
– Save the Date – all weddings where it was at a holiday time (one on the 28th December when everyone usually goes away) or where we had to travel to get to the wedding (Melbourne and another in Dublin in October).
– Registry – all weddings i have been to have had a registry! and all have included it in the invitation – some have written a nice note saying “gifts are by no-means expected, your presence is all the presents we require, but many people have requested some information about gifts that we would like” but written much nicer than that!
– RSVP cards – if a card wasnt included (about 50% of the weddings didnt have them) then i write a nice card or note back to accept/decline in addition to the requested RSVP method (usually an email address) but i was always taught you should respond how you receive it – eg invited by email then respond by email, but a mailed invite warrants a mailed RSVP.
– First Look – i mentioned that this could be a cool idea, because we are both quite reserved people and im particularly nervous about everyone looking at us, but the man is adamant the first look will be at the church – isnt it funny that the boys all want this tradition kept alive?
I have to say i completely agree about the HUGE weddings… one was 500+!!! That is just insane! We dont have many venues here that would cater to those numbers of people – but then again, they also seem to have numerous people in the bridal party – at least 6 bridesmaids! It does make for some great photos though – especially when they wear similar, but not quite the same dresses!
One thing that i have not seen and i am embracing with OPEN arms is BLUE SHOES!!!! Im so sporting a pair of Manolo’s or CL’s – i just need to decide which ones….
Post # 15
I definitely agree that weddings in the US seem quite different to weddings here in Aus. I think the whole wedding industry in Australia is a little unsophisticated. Then again, I think maybe we place a less social emphasis on getting married here? I saw on one of the boards that in Amercia, no-one uses the word ‘partner.’ Everyone I know uses that term and I call my boyfriend ‘partner’ to describe the fact that we’ve been living in that limbo between boyfriend and husband for quite a while and are in a committed relationship. Maybe this is a social difference? Could just be my social group. Most of my friends have been with their partners for a long time, and lived together, before getting engaged/married.
Post # 16
I don’t know about Australia but in the UK we don’t have
Out of Town bags (I still don’t know what they are)
Save the date
father of the bride dance
rehearsal ceremony or dinner
Oh and @snuggly talking about what you call people – I trained to be a nurse in England and then moved back to Wales (thank god!) in England I’ve met so many people in hospital who just said “Oi you” or clicked their fingers when they wanted me. In wales Im Nurse Jones (soon to be Cox) and I like that – I’ve met lots of Dr ‘s who feel that they spent 6 years training to be a doctor and they want to be addressed as Dr. I’ve also met (and gone out with) policemen who hate being called Sir or Mate – they like sergeant or contestable.