What's your take on telling family your pregnant early?

posted 4 months ago in TTC
Post # 16
Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

raindropsonroses :  you sound just like me. I don’t know what me of support people would give and I don’t think I’d want it. I grieve on my own though

Post # 17
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee

I didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant in January. Our families only found out when I had emergency surgery when my tube ruptured and I needed people to look after me the week after surgery.

My mum was devastated. More devastated than me and DH put together. After that I don’t think I’d want to tell anyone until the pregnancy was 8+ weeks along. I guess I’m a pretty private person when it comes to things like this though.

Post # 18
Member
8175 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i told my mom both times within a few days of getting a postive beta  (ivf pregnancies).  we told close family members after hb was confirmed around 6/7 weeks. 

it is personal choice when you tell.

Post # 19
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception / Courtyard Marriott Legacy Ballroom

This is definitely a personal choice. We told my mom when I was 4 weeks pregnant with my DS. We waited to tell DH’s family until I was around 8 weeks because I didn’t trust MIL to not spread the news.

I’m currently 11 weeks with our 2nd baby, and we told both our moms and my BILs after my first ultrasound at 7 weeks. I would have preferred to wait to tell anyone, but I knew DH would have wanted the support if I ended having a miscarriage. I don’t plan on telling anyone else until I’m over 12 weeks because this is a higher risk pregnancy.

Post # 20
Member
4240 posts
Honey bee

Meant2Bee :  we told at 6 weeks after we saw the heartbeat because the family knew we were doing IVF and they were all rooting for us. Getting pregnant was such a project for us that having that support early on was really nice. However we have figured out what the issues are and have frozen embryos for future kids and I don’t think our next conception will be quite the same ordeal and so we plan to wait until 2nd trimester for the next go around. 

Post # 21
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’ve had one miscarriage, one live birth and I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant with #2 (IVF pregnancy). I’ve told my parents all of it. I’m not a particularly private person anyway, but they knew about our struggles conceiving our son and subsequently this pregnancy. It would have been impossible to keep it secret since they knew when our transfer dates were. H&H 9 months to you!

Post # 22
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee

Congratulations! 🙂

I am currently almost 33 weeks and when baby is born, we will have been with our fertility clinic for over 2 years. 

After my IVF embryo transfer and when I received news that my beta was positive, I called my Mom right away. She knew all about my fertility struggles since the beginning.

I am glad that I did because at 6 weeks I had a great deal of bleeding one day and was home alone (she lives an hour away and DH was working). It turns out it was a very large SCH. She called and texted me all day to check on me and was a huge support. 

In terms of telling other family, we waited until 13 weeks (after NT scan was done). DH and I told my Dad, Uncle, brother, and mother and brother in law in the same weekend, and then very close friends. The reason was because my Dad is a bit old fashioned and had no idea we pursued IVF and my husband never wanted to tell his mom the truth because he felt embarassed for some reason (maybe thought it was somehow inappropriate to talk sperm and egg to his mom). 

Post # 23
Member
6166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s personal prefrence and I think it depends on your level of closeness with your family. Everyone has a different comfort level with how much info they share. 

As someone who has had a recent loss, I would say…think about who you’d be ok with being around you while you’re experiencing a loss. That’s how you know who to tell. I knew I wouldn’t be comfortable with our family knowing until at least 12-13 weeks. We are close but just don’t have that kind of relationship.

We didn’t even tell our families we were TTC. While we’re close with them, we’re also private when it comes to that kind of stuff. The only people that knew we were TTC were like 3 of my close girlfriends. For years our families have pestered us first about when we’d get married, and then finally when we’d have kids. We just didn’t want to deal with it. For that reason we also didn’t tell them when we were finally pregnant. Only one of my BFF’s knew.

At 6 weeks I went to the ER for bleeding and pain, and found out it was Ectopic. I had clued in one of my other BFF’s because my DH was out of town for work and insisted someone go with me to the hospital. It sounds crazy because most people lean on their family, but for me the only people I let come around were two of my BFF’s. They were with me in the hospital and basically spent the following week tag-teaming me. Cleaning my house, doing laundry, bringing me food, and just sitting around watching TV with me.

DH slowly in the week afterwards clued family in on what had happened. We’re getting ready to start TTC again and I’m still going to stick with the “wait 12 weeks” rule.  

Post # 24
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We told our parents right away so around 4w. Everyone else we told at 9w. Baby girl was 6mo yesterday.

Post # 25
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

me and DH are currently ttc, ive also thought about how and when id tell my close family. 

i have a feeling that DH would want to tell his parents as soon as we would get it confirmed. Im more on the side of waiting till im around 15-20 weeks to tell my parents, due to risks of miscarriage early on. 

 

Post # 26
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

I didn’t want my parents to get excited and then possibly be let down, so I wasn’t planning to tell them until getting a repeat ultrasound and hopefully hearing the heartbeat. Unfortunately that never happened, but I had to tell them about the pregnancy while I was still in this weird limbo period of not knowing whether or not it was viable because I broke out in hives and had to go to urgent care and they took me because my husband was working. It was an ordeal and I was certainly glad they were there to support me. If and when we get pregnant again, I would still plan to wait to tell them until around 10 weeks after seeing a viable fetus and hearing a heartbeat. Good luck!!!!

Post # 27
Member
6687 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

i used to think I’d call my parents the moment I found out.. but that was back when DH had said he didn’t want to tell HIS parents until we were further along.  

Now I found out he wants to tell them the moment we find out and I’m sick at the notion.  His parents are bossy and judgy–they’ll be judging every thing I eat, every pound I gain, etc.. and if I lose the baby I’d say there’s a 50/50 chance they’ll tell me what I should have done/eaten/weighed differently to prevent the miscarriage.  I mentioned these worries to DH and he agrees 100% with my assessment of the situation.  Yet despite that he’s more worried about his mom’s wrath at not finding out immediately than he is about my having to deal with her.  (Him putting his mom’s wrath over my needs is a reoccuring subject we’ve had talks about and are working on.. so perhaps his attitude regarding this will change.)

Anyway, long story short–he’s agreed to hold off on telling them, but asked that i hold off on telling my parents in return.  He’s afraid of the wrath of his mother if she finds out my parents knew first.  Part of me is like: tough beans, it’s my fucking body that’ll be going through a rollercoaster of symptoms–you’re just going to pat my back in sympathy now and then.  If I want my mom’s emotional support without your mom’s criticism I deserve that.  But part of me is like: it’s his baby too, and he should have the same rights as I do.  So for now the plan is to tell both families at the same time.

*shrug* we will see I guess: in my experience plans based on hypotheticals aren’t the most reliable.  I think no matter what it won’t be 12 weeks.. we’ll probably wait till we have the first ultrasound and if everything looks good we’ll tell our families.

Post # 28
Member
5064 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

 Meant2Bee :  I took the test and had confirmation right before Thanksgiving with the in laws. I love them but neither one of us was about to breathe a word.  That was very easy for us.  There’s so much chance of loss in the first trimester, we just felt better keeping it to ourselves until we were further along.  Why get everyone excited for potentially nothing/heartbreak?  Additionally though, personality factors in.  That baby was not particularly real to me (maybe us) at the time – I mean I basically peed on a stick and said “yup” to my husband. I need serious tangibility, like hearbeat, movement.  It would have been a lot harder for us to have to tell everyone we’d lost it and deal with the pity (trying to act how society would expect) than it would to deal with it alone, which given how quick and well it worked out would probably not have been that difficult for us so early on (sorry, I realize that others struggle a lot but I can’t take on a perspective that isn’t my own).  I have a feeling we’d have been disappointed but not hearbroken, whereas now that I’m pretty far along I’d probably be miserable.  I told my family around 10 weeks due to practicality, but I just let almost everyone else figure it out for themselves as I got progressively larger.  I think the last person to ask at work noticed around 7 months, lol.

Other personalities really want that support system in place right away, and that’s what works best for them should the worst happen. You’ve got to do what’s right for you.

Post # 29
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m ttc now, and I’ve never been pregnant before, but I couldn’t imagine not telling our parents and siblings right away. We are both extremely close with our families and we see some of them almost daily. It would just be way too hard to hold in the excitement. I would rather tell them and have support if something does go wrong. We would probably tell our siblings, parents, and my DH grandparents since they are almost like his parents. Then we would trust them to zip until the second trimester. I just hope they will respect us enough to do that. If not, it’s not really that big of a deal to me. I just don’t want people who aren’t close to me knowing my business. I’d rather my pregnancy not be gossip, especially if everything doesn’t go as planned. I definitely would have to tell my mom though because I know I’m going to be asking her a million questions! 

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