Post # 1
Little bit of background:
DH and I welcomed our first child, a son. Our Korean culture has a 100 day baby party to introduce baby to family and friends. Our son is my parents first grandchild, and my inlaws second grandchild (but first boy).
My parents are beyond excited and want to have a large, lavish, festive party at a nice restaurant. They are the type who dont spend on material items but have no issue spending on memorable events (such as vacations, parties, etc.) I always envisioned similarly especially since this is our first child.
However, his parents think it is not practical to have such a large party and think a buffet restaurant is sufficient. The restaurant they have in mind is in a dicey part of town and the food is subpar. They also dont like attention and don’t want anything fancy or want to look like they are being flashy. His parents are opposite and dont mind spending on material items (nice car, tv) but see a party as fleeting. My husband has the same thought as his parents.
I know the simple answer would be – whoever pays. We dont know yet. Likely it will be split 3 ways – my parents, his parents and us.
Just curious if any bees had anything similar come up when planning their weddings or other events in difference of wants with spouse/his family. I know theres no wrong answer but how did it work out if you were in this situation? Thanks!
Post # 2
You mentioned what your parents want, what his parents want and what your partner wants. What do YOU want? 🙂 If all parties are contributing, surely a compromise can be reached. Is there a happy medium between the dicey buffet and the super nice restaurant?
ETA- ok i reread and see that you mention that your vision is more in line with your parents. So it definitely seems some compromise is in order…
Post # 3
Have the party you can afford. Avoid major conflict and extended negotiations with two sets of parents.
Post # 4
Can’t you all compromise and find something in the middle of the middle of the two options?
Post # 5
is his family concerned about the price?
Im assuming it’s a tradition that parents contribute to costs and have a say?
Personally rather than just assuming it will be split evenly, I’d ask them what they can afford and then plan it around that budget. As PP have said, there’s definitely a middle ground to be found.
Post # 6
This. Surely there’s a middle ground between a fancy lavish affair and sub-par food in a dicey neighbourhood?
Post # 7
I think this decision should be between you and your husband, not either of your parents. Since he doesn’t want a huge party then I think you need to meet somewhere in the middle, you can still have a special first party without it being a huge lavish affair.
Post # 8
I think you need to compromise with your husband on the party you want for your child. If your parents are insisting on a lavish party – let them pay for it in entirety. Usually when you ask for budgets you don’t make the choice based on the most expensive tastes.
Post # 9
Hmm ok well in my opinion it makes sense to have a lavish 100 day party in which your parents host (it seems like they are willing to do so).
A 100 day party is a Korean tradition and therefore if you’re celebrating that tradition, you should celebrate it in a way that is traditional to your culture (wordy I know).
What about letting your in-laws host the baby’s first birthday party how they want? It doesn’t make sense to me why they would be so invested in this. The attention won’t be on them, it will be on the baby and your parents the hosts. If it really makes them uncomfortable they don’t have to go I guess, but again it doesn’t make sense to me why this is an issue.
I understand why PP are saying compromise, but.. why? Make it clear that they are not expected to contribute, that you just want to celebrate a Korean tradition, and that you would love it if they could be there.
Post # 10
why are you reviving every old thread you can find? Surely you can find something current and relevant on which to comment.