(Closed) When a friend bills you for helping at your wedding….

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s really awkward the way she did this.. but since you were willing to pay her from the start I would just go ahead and pay it.  As long as you think it’s a fair price for the work that she did.  If you think she’s over charging you.. then you need to go have a discussion with her since she refused to give you a price point pefore the work was done.

Post # 4
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Oh lordy–that’s a fun little knot.

Um, well, how much does her friendship matter to you? Because yes, what she did is  not kosher, but you kind of helped her do it by not insisting on an agreement (which you should have done or at least nailed down a price as soon as she said “oh we’ll figure it out”). I think the gift also sort of complicated things as well. To me, I guess the bottom line is unless there was a contract, you don’t owe her anything. So then I pose my original question: how much do you want to keep her as a friend? You can call her up and have a big talk, but I think that before you do that, you should figure out exactly where you stand–are you going to pay her, negotiate payment (not recommended) or not pay at all? If you don’t want to pay her, that’s fine, but you’ll risk losing her as a friend–although frankly, she sounds like a difficult personality to have around!

Post # 5
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oh gosh, that’s tough. How awkward! Do yourself a favor and forget about the gift you gave her, for now at least. Then definitely talk to her and ask about the bill. Say you just want to understand the charges, because it’s a little bit of a surprise based on your prior conversations when she told you ‘not to worry about it’. Say you don’t mind paying her, but tried to figure this out before the wedding with her and were under the impression you were only being charged for the cost of items, not labor.

Get a better understanding of the charges and as long as you think they are fair, then just pay her. You are in a position now where you are negotiating her services after the fact, which is still possible but much more awkward.

Post # 6
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It sounds like something happened to change her mind.  Maybe she ended up doing a lot more than she thought or you thought, and decided to charge for her time after?  I would probably talk to her about it, but just pay it… I mean you were going to anyways, and if she did a good job, then she deserves it.  I know you bought her a gift, but maybe she doesn’t think that was enough?

Post # 7
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would understand if she wasn’t sure what to charge you, if at all, until after all the work was done, but it would have made more sense for her just to say that.  If she gave you a ballpark figure of her rates and said she’d bill you after the wedding you would have been prepared and maybe not spent so much on her gift.  Maybe she felt awkward but she handled incorrectly.  If you feel like the bill reflects an appropriate amount I would just pay it and remember to set up an agreement if you ever use her services again.

Post # 8
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am confused…did she just bill you for her time, or did she actually buy items for your wedding and was looking to be reimbursed?

Also, while pretty loose, I think, don’t worry, we’ll figure it out, was not supposed to mean don’t pay me, but rather, I don’t know exactly what the amount is so we’ll figure it out later. I agree that when dealing with friends, it’s best to get the details ironed out right away. I don’t know what  all she did or what it would have cost you to hire a professional to do them, but several hundred dollars doesn’t seem unreasonably high. I would pay her and, if it ever comes up again, ask if you can decide how you are being charged before the event.

Post # 9
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I guess pay it and let it be! How rude though!

Post # 11
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

That is weird that you had it in writing that she was not expected to do it and she did it anyways and billed you for it…has she run into some money problems recently and was looking to make some money off of this? I agree, how she went about it was not right. Hmm, maybe I can wash my neighbor’s car this afternoon without his permission then stick a bill in his mailbox…

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow that is really uncool. The whole way it was handled is incredibly tacky. You can’t say “nah don’t pay me” and then just sneakily slip a bill in there. OR rather, a SECOND bill. Way lame.

Not very friendly. I never understood “charging” your true friends…but that’s me. If anything, she should have called you to DISCUSS the prices, not just slap you with a sticker price. I’d call it a wash and pay her, but the way it was handled would leave a bad taste in my mouth–very poor customer service. Also kinda get the impression she just wanted to suck some money from you. not cool

Post # 13
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would definitely have to get a clear understanding of exactly what she was billing you for. If she included the cost of labor and materials in the amounts that you have previously paid then what exactly is she charging you for now? I don’t get it. Like a previous poster said…you can’t really decided to do extra of your own free will and then turn around and charge somebody for it…not cool.

Post # 14
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I would tell her you’ll pay her but you’re not comfortable with her putting pics of the wedding in her portfolio unless it’s a picture of the specific item she made.  Tit for tat, she can bill you (RUDE MUCH?) and you can deny her recommendations.

Post # 15
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I would pay, and never ask for her help again.

Post # 16
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If the costs are unreasonable, you have a right (and should) go over the invoice with her like you would any other vendor and validate the costs.  You can let her know, ‘i have looked over the invoice you gave me and have some questions about some of the costs on here’…

If you are uncomfortable doing that, then you should just pay her and let it go.

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