Post # 1
I have a couple friends who have been coming to town more often (one a couple times a year and the other a few times a year)… I’m getting the feeling from them that if I don’t clear my calendar for every night they are here, they are disppointed.
I definitely make an effort to see them – more than once on a weekend or a few times a week if it’s a week or more… but even that takes a lot of effort.
I guess I gauge it by feeling like I don’t see the friends I DO have more than a few times each month… it just got me to wondering how others handle it and what the ‘norm’ is….
Post # 3
If I have friends coming in from out of town, I would try to see them at least once on a weekend or twice during a weeklong visit.
It would not normally be possible for me to see them every day. I would presme they also have other friends/family to see on the same visit.
Post # 4
@julies1949: That’s what I feel is normal. But, for whatever reason, there is major disappointment if I’m unable to do something the entire weekend. I think I need to work on expressing my availability prior to the trip, I think… it’s getting out of hand, IMO. …I was starting to think maybe it’s me and I needed to make more of an effort or something….
Post # 5
As julies1949 said. When my firends come the usually have other people to visit. I wait 1 or 2 days to call them to let them time to spend with their families and make sure they know the days I’m available and plan at least 2 nights out per week.
Post # 6
I usually leave 1-2 nights or a full day on the weekend open for them, depending on who it is. My two best friends and FI’s best guy friend are automatic full open calendar people because I miss them all immensely and wish they lived here so I could see them a few times a week anyway. We have a lot of videogame parties with friends, so I guess I just expect to see friends more often than some people. Since we’re all recently out of college, I think it’s just that we haven’t gotten really into our careers yet (and some are still in grad school) – 5 years from now, it might be different, especially once some of us have kids.
Post # 7
In the case of these two particular friends – they are not visiting any family – just friends who live in town. They never stay with me, but there is the expectation that I’d be free to hang every night. In one case, one won’t book the trip if I’m not free…. I try to communicate my availability (ie: I can hang this day) and always make sure I make time for them… but I always get the “are you sure you can’t hang tomorrow?” – and it makes me feel bad or like I’m doing something wrong.
Post # 8
Often times friends who are coming to visit are staying with us. My sister does that a lot (our parents moved to Florida, so she only has friends to stay with in MD). I make sure my evenings are clear every night. If they’re not, I tell whoever is coming to visit my plans ahead of time.
My best friend lives about 4 hours away now and often comes to visit. He’s a very poor planner. On NYE weekend I told him that we would be completely booked on New Year’s Eve– couples massage in the morning, hair and makeup appointments, romantic dinner. It was our 3 year anniversary and our only anniversary engaged. I told him that we would have to bed to bed early on Friday because of our busy day ahead. I knew he was planning on coming to MD on Friday. I was explicit. He got tied up and told me he wouldn’t be getting to Maryland til 10pm. I told him, firmly, that we had to be in bed by 11, but he was welcome to stop by if he respected that. He was a little put out, but when your plans are clear from the beginning, it’s the most you can do.
I find that it’s primarily single friends who don’t understand why you don’t want to be with them every waking hour when they come to town.
Post # 9
Yeah I feel pretty much the same way. I feel like all my “me” time goes out the window when someone I don’t see that often is in town because they want to make up for not seeing me in a while and I’m just not on that wavelength. If I don’t have a few nights a week to myself I get stressed and resentful.
So now I keep it to just once or twice a week while they’re here, and that makes life a lot better. While a few of them were kind of disappointed at first, they got over it.
Post # 10
When FI’s family (who are also my friends) come to town, they usually stay with us. So we basically are expected to keep the entire weekend open to hang with them. It happens about 4-8 times a year. Its a little much, but it’s families so I deal with it.
For friends, I try to get together 1-2 times. When FI’s best man comes to town, we always get together atleast for dinner.
Post # 11
I make time for one or two hangouts, unless it’s a friend who’s coming solely to see me, of course. My best friend was here over Christmas and I saw her twice – we did one big night together and I stopped by her house on Christmas for like 30 minutes just to say hello.
On the other hand, if it’s an old friend I make less time. My high school friend was in town and we had a quick cup of coffee together while she was here.
Post # 12
Honestly it depends on how close we are. I have friends who I’ll see for a few hours to have drinks and friends where I’ll clear my schedule for because I want to hang with them as much as I can.