Post # 1
To keep it short, a guy in one of my grad classes seems to be interested in me – he’s asked me to come over for a coffee, if I’m doing anything on a certain night, acts a little odd around me. I think my suspicions were confirmed just now when he noticed my CZ solitaire on my right hand and asked if it was an engagement ring.
Do you think I’m right about him being interested? And if so, what is a kind way to let him down? I kinda just said “oh, this was a stand-in when he proposed because the original didn’t fit”…
Post # 3
@alsgirl: Whenever I meet new guys, I just make sure to mention my fiance frequently–that way you never have to let them down!
When he asks you to hang out, just say, “Oh, I’m sorry, my fiance and I are making dinner/seeing a movie/whatever tonight. Maybe another time the three of us could hang out!”
Post # 4
@alsgirl: I really like the line (for use if they ask you out/for your number) “if I was single, I would have said yes” – it’s almost always true and lets them know that it’s not them or their “game” – just that you aren’t available.
Your response was perfectly valid, I assume that your e-ring will be back soon and then he will have no doubt.
Post # 5
@alsgirl: Yes, it’s possible that he’s interested but to be honest, why do you care? Shouldn’t you be focused on your grad work and your upcoming wedding? I would just be honest and get on with my life.
I would always choose to tell the truth.
Post # 6
Yes, it’s possible that he’s interested but to be honest, why do you care? Shouldn’t you be focused on your grad work and your upcoming wedding? I would just be honest and get on with my life.
THIS –> 100%
YES I just don’t get it… women talk all the time about being “friends” with guys here on WBee… but then something like this comes up, I find that many don’t always know how to react.
I don’t get that, at all.
Honestly, this HAS NEVER BEEN AN ISSUE for me… I don’t socialize with guys one-on-one when I am in a Relationship. Period
Someone asks me out for Coffee, or “seems interested” and I cut them off at the pass as they say.
I don’t drop subtle hints, as sometimes that doesn’t work.
And I don’t mince my words… and try to flatter them etc (which only means you are sending off mixed messages) as Tickles suggested.
I am concise & direct… so there is no misunderstanding… something like
“Look, something you should know… I have a Boyfriend or Best Friend / SO / Fiance / Husband, so I don’t socialize one on one with other men”
And then I chalk it up with a smile, as I head home… to the a man that other men cannot hold a candle to. A guy having an interest in you is very much an ego boost… but so is saying “Sorry, but I’m taken”
Post # 7
@alsgirl: “and if so, what is a kind way to let him down?”
just say yes it is an e-ring. done.
Post # 8
@This Time Round: Yes, exactly. It really isn’t all that difficult. And I’m also sure that your FH would not appreciate you stringing some guy along because you didn’t want to hurt his feelings. No offense, but there are other women out there and you won’t ruin his chance of ever meeting someone again.
Post # 9
@mylittleviolett: I agree. There’s not really a nice way to let him down, but it doesn’t matter. He’ll cope. He brought it on himself by asking such a bold question. Your response was perfect.
Though I think you should have made it clearer earlier, like when he asked you over for coffee. With something like, “Thanks but it’s not appropriate because I have a boyfriend”.
Post # 10
“Is that an engagement ring?”
“Yes. Yes it is.”
He doesn’t need to know it’s a stand in or anything else. It’s an engagement ring, enough said. If he doesn’t get the hint from that, then I don’t know what to tell you.
Post # 11
I think the casual way you handled it is just right. It is unnecessary to hit him over the head with the fact that you can’t socialize with him unless he keeps asking you after this. But I doubt he will.
Post # 12
@alsgirl: just tell him its an engagement ring! he’ll definitely get the hint. if he doesn’t, have him meet your SO – that usually clears things up.
out of curiosity, and hope not to offend – do people in Austrailia wear wedding rings on their right hand?
Post # 13
@baileyjosephine: No, left hand. Like most things, we inherit the UK tradition.
Post # 16
To @baileyjosephine: you said,
Just tell him its an engagement ring! he’ll definitely get the hint. if he doesn’t, have him meet your SO – that usually clears things up.
Sorry, but seriously everytime you run into some “good old boy” who hits on you, and doesn’t take the message for what it is, and continues with the sly talk
“Seriously, you cannot be Engaged you look too young”
“Come on give me a break, I bet if you went on one date with me, I could change your mind”
You recommend calling in the cavalry in the form of having one’s Boyfriend or Best Friend / Fiance / Husband come on down (meet up at School, Work, the Grocery Store) so as to prove there is said man in your life ???
Um, no. Not this girl.
I am mature enough to handle my own “situations”… of which this in in the scheme of things is a small issue.
(This guy isn’t man-handling her… he’s just mouthing off)
At my age I’ve seen oodles of these guys… they just like to hear themselves talk, and
If the gal walks away, consistently… each.and.every.time he’s around… he’ll get the message. He’ll grow bored eventually and move on to sweet talking some other woman.