(Closed) When a person constantly plays Devil's advocate. Help!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

It sucks to feel this way. I know it too well… 

What helped for me – before going on a rant or talking while wanting them to just listen or sympathize – tell them just that. Ask them something like, “would you mind just listening for a few minutes without commenting on what I have to say, so I can get something off my chest and go figure out the rest on my own?” – first of all, they have the freedom to say no, you are not barging in with your weight of the world and they have the freedom to decline so in case their own day has been tough enough – BUT they are VERY likely to say yes. 

This way, even when they forget and interrupt you or start a comment, you can interrupt them back with a good cause. 

Ask this of people whom you even know are good listeners – trust me, they get tired of our hard days too, having to listen to it and not getting a say – most people, in the long run, start feeling like they are being taken granted and used as a soundingboard – many might not hold it against you, but it would be a nice gesture to add this little disclaimer before you start to rant – so they actually know what they can or can’t do, or know excactly what you want from them so they can make your day better 🙂 

It would be nice if we could go around and speak our minds without silly disclaimers – but apparently that is not how the world works, or assume that this attitude becomes default when married or commited. Luckily it’s not a very long disclaimer, just 1-2 sentences. And trust me, it makes all the difference. 

Getting used to using it might take some time – but it is worth it – it will improve YOUR quality of life and those whom we speak to. 

Hope it helps someone o/ 

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