Post # 1
Hope my title makes sense! We have a scenario where we’ve invited a married couple. Invitation was addressed to the 2 of them; it’s clear that John and Janet Smith were the invitees. We’re using an RSVP website where it’s not possible to write in the name of an uninvited guest.
Janet is unable to attend. John texted my fiancee to ask if he could bring his friend Pat instead. I’ve never met Pat; my fiancee has met Pat but Pat is not someone who we would have invited. (Nothing against Pat!). They’re all local (within an hour) so no one needs to book airfare and they likely won’t even book hotel.
Thoughts? I’m leaning towards telling John “Not at this time, but if we get a large number of ‘No’ RSVPs it’s a possibility.’ Our guest list has been ballooning and I would prefer to give Janet’s seat to someone on our “B” list than let John treat Janet’s invite as a generic +1.
How would you handle this one?
Post # 2
Does John know a lot of people coming (not counting the bride and groom)? I let guests bring friends as +1’s if they didn’t know many of the other guests. But if he knows and is close to a ton of people I would probably say no.
Post # 3
- Wedding: December 1969 - City, State
Did you and your Fiance expand your guestlist to include more guests before the RSVP deadline? Anyway, personally I would tell John that I would like to keep the wedding intimate and hope he understands my decision not to invite someone I’ve never met.
But are you sure Pat is just a friend?
Post # 4
John has nerve and was incredibly rude to ask you to add Pat. The invitation was specific to his wife, not some kind of transferable ticket to an event.
Needless to say, you are under absolutely no obligation to invite her, and unless there are very extenuating circumstances, such as John needing an aide for some kind of disability, I would not consider it.
Post # 5
I think it makes sense for John to want a friend at the wedding. If it is a larger wedding and your wife can’t attend it could kind of suck to go. I’d say yes. He probably views it as a plus one, not as though he is transferring his ticket. But if you don’t want Pat, then say no.
Post # 6
I was minorly upset at my first wedding when a woman brought her daughter (who I’m about the same age as but not at all close to) instead of attending with her husband, and that was without asking. At the very least, your guest asked if they could bring someone else.
I agree with PPs… in the absence of a good reason (difficulty traveling, not knowing anyone else at all, etc), I would tell John you’re keeping things to people you know well only for the sake of an intimate wedding, so you’d prefer not to have strangers attend.
Post # 7
It really boils down to how many people John will know at the wedding. If he doesn’t know many people, I would let him bring Pat. It’s more about his comfort, that whether or not you know Pat. You already budgeting for the plus one, so I don’t see the big deal.
I got invited to a wedding with no plus 1, which was completely fine since I wasn’t in a relationship. But I didn’t know anyone besides the bride and groom and didn’t feel like spending an awkward Saturday night out at a wedding with strangers. So I declined.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
I find it quite strange that he would ask – it’s not a birthday party! The etiquette from his end seems to be a bit off. If I were invited to a wedding where I knew almost no one, and my spouse couldn’t attend, I would decline and send a gift.
Post # 9
It depends on how many people he’ll know at the wedding and how badly you want him there.
Going to a wedding solo with a group of friends or with family is one thing, but actually going to a wedding alone where you only have acquaintances sounds like an uncomfortable nightmare. Personally I’d just decline in that situation, but maybe he thought it was less rude to bring another person than to decline.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
It would weird me out but we had a small intimate wedding only with people we’re super close to. I don’t get why people need to bring a friend around with them.
Post # 11
I’d let him bring Pat. No one wants to go to a wedding alone. I’d rather bring a friend too if my husband couldn’t attend.
Post # 12
I, too, would let him bring Pat. I was really concerned about my guests’ comfort. If Pat will me he will enjoy himself, it would be no question for me.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t have a problem at all with this. We had a guest switch out her husband for someone else (her daughter I think) and I really couldn’t have cared less.
Post # 14
And sure, I understand it’s rude to even ask, but he probably assumes since you’ve already set aside the spot for his wife, that it wouldn’t be a huge inconvenience.
Post # 15
I had a friend who did that, I didn’t mind at all. I rather him be at the wedding then not, and seeing as his girlfriend was unavailable, he asked me if he could bring a friend and it was completely fine by me. It comes down to how badly you want that friend at your wedding.