Post # 1
This is my first time posting although I’ve been lurking the wedding pages for a while now! 🙂
Me and Fi are starting to make plans about timing when to start TTC.
I can’t help feeling like it will be weird to very consciously not take precautions on one day that we have randomly decided will be TTC day.
Like, for example, if we wanted to wait until our last car payment and then the following day after that everything changes….
Some of you have mentioned that your other halves want ‘it’ to be more “spontaneous” and I think that makes sense to me. Also when I start to think about an exact date (even though we aren’t quite at that advanced-planning stage yet) I start to get freaked out, even though I really, really want children and can’t wait to get started on a family!! The idea of starting a family changes from being something loving and exciting to a massive “oh my God here we go” moment. Like bungee jumping!!!! I’m not sure that in gathering my nerves of steel I would be relaxed enough to enjoy the main event, lol! (lol, sorry if that makes no sense!)
I guess I’m curious – did you have a set date when you were going to start and was it weird that first time – knowing that everything was different? If you were more ‘spontaneous’ – how did that work, how can you be ‘spontaneous’ about something like that if you had already discussed having children and were previously using BC?
I’d really love to hear your experiences! xx
Post # 3
I’m interested in hearing others’ experiences with this too. My fiance and I decided we will engage in ‘riskier’ behaviors up until our year anniversary, which is when we will start charting and actively trying to conceive if we haven’t gotten pregnant by then. But I imagine it would be strange to not take precautions and plan it out the first time. You are so trained to be careful about these things I’m sure it’ll feel weird lol
Post # 4
My husband and I hadn’t really talked about it, we just decided one day that we wanted to start trying. It was pretty weird the first time having sex without protection, thinking that we could actually get pregnant on purpose. Two years into TTC and I know it’s just not that easy. Just figure out when you two think you’ll be ready to bring a child into the world and start trying nine months before then. It will still be spontaneous and fun for awhile but you can’t really help the fact that you are doing it for a reason now.
As for your feelings of fear, that’s totally normal. Trust me. After two years of struggling to get pregnant and crying all the time because it just isn’t working, I still freak out sometimes. It’s scary to think you’ll be completely responsible for another human beings life. But it’s so worth it. You just have to trust that you’ll be fine.
Post # 5
Me and my husband are off birth control, but not actively trying to get pregnant (no charting, no trying to predict Oing, no preseed fertility lube) It’s referred to at Not Trying Not Preventing on a lot of TTC boards(NTNP).
We figure it’s a nice way to segway into TTC. We’re not 100% ready yet, but we’re almost “ready” (is anyone really ready?) and this will help us have a segway before we jump in head first. It hasn’t felt planned so far- just feels like better sex without condoms!
There are some worries on both ends sometimes- we keep VCF in the house in case we know we’re going to be drinking heavily in the next few weeks, or just in case someone has a freakout. We’ve been ok- but just having there is nice. We know we WANT to TTC- but starting out is a bit scary. Exciteing too- but scary.
Post # 6
We’re going to ttc starting next month. For us, we had a plan when we got married: 5 years and THEN try for kids.
We’re hitting the 3rd year mark this summer, ha.
We at least wanted to wait til we were out of school (We’ll both be graduated in July and August) and the husband had a job- Grad school is expensive!!!
It will put me at 21, him at 28, and we’re looking into purchasing our first home with no debt other than student loans. We just wanted to make sure we were a) financially ready, b) mentally ready, and c) we wanted to enjoy marriage, just the two of us, for a bit.
I’m baby hungry out of my brains right now, though.
In any case, do what’s right for you! If you’re not ready, don’t force it.
Post # 7
I think when a lot of people talk about it being spontaneous, they mean that they aren’t doing things like charting, using OPKs (ovulation predictor kits), paying great attention to fertility signs, and are just doing the deed when the mood strikes. For me, I think DH also wants it to feel more spontaneous, so that means that I’ll still chart and use OPKs and stuff, I just won’t tell him “hey I’m fertile today, put a baby in me!” I may still initiate sex, but that’s not out of the norm for us. It just means I’m trying not to make him feel really pressured to perform on certain days of the month.
I get the weird feeling though! We’re not trying yet, but we’ve been talking about it and are likely going to start in the next 6 months or so. But we’ve started not always using condoms more recently (I’m still on the pill), and that still feels a little weird for me. We’ve been really careful for so long (almost 6 years), always using two forms of protection, that it’s a real change for my DH especially to not worry as much about being careful. I think it just takes a little time to readjust your expectations for what’s “normal.” We are both looking forward to the day, though, when we never have to use condoms again 🙂 DH is planning on a vasectomy after we have two kids, and we talk about that glorious day quite often.
Post # 8
@moonfairie: We’d been thinking about a while and then decided the time is right
Post # 9
@moonfairie: DH and I have been together for 5+ years and only used condoms very briefly. I have been off BC for 2 years and up until the past 6 months we were just kind of winging it. (Pretty irresponsible, I know.) We weren’t ready to have a child, but I was in the mindset that if God wants us to then that’s what it’ll be.
Sometime around the holidays I got baby fever and we kind of talked about it and agreed to move from “Whatever happens, happens” to NTNT. I’ve been tracking AF on an app on my phone since I got off of BC so I didn’t have any surprises. That app also list the projected ovulation day based on your cycles. I never paid too much attention to it and we just BD whenever the mood struck. But I also started taking prenatals to give me body a fighting chance in the chance we do get KU. (Also, I’m anemic so the iron and folic acid helps.)
At some point I knew that we’d be wanting to actively TTC soon so I switched up and started charting and tempting using FF. I figured that it would give me a better understanding on how mu body works and what to do/ look for when we were “ready.” I also read “Taking Charge of Your Fertility.” The book really breaks it all town for you. Shortly after that, DH and I were just having a random convo and he agreed he was ready to TTC.
It’s exciting to actually be TRYING to make a baby…. and DH loves the extra BDing we’ll be doing. lol But I also will not be telling DH all the gory details of my FW and try my best to make it not be too forced and allow it to seem spontaneous for him.
I say all that to say that it was a natural progression for us and I think it made it a bit easier to adjust physically for us.
Post # 10
Wow thank you for all your comments!
@MissFireFlower – I like the idea of NTNP as a sort of segway in – just getting used to the idea that it is no big deal if you are not as careful as you should be!
I think I’ve had that mindset for a while now (maybe a year). About 8 months ago I told Fi that there would be no emergency contraception so if we were risky, that we were old enough and stable enough to deal with the consequences! He has been much more careful since then but I know that he wants a baby to be offically decided and tried for – he likes to plan, lol!
@SadieBee and @MrsDiddles – I know that as soon as we have a timeline properly in place I will be taking vitamins and charting and stuff – I’m trying not to jump the gun at the moment. It’s interesting to me that idea that being spontaneous can be anything from NTNP through to a bit of girls-conspiracy (like lots of things!) where we know that to be sucessful it takes a bit more planning but the men-folk don’t need to know all the details 🙂
@ Birdee106 it’s good to know that others who have made the leap to TTC still have little freak-outs! I’m sorry to hear things aren’t moving forward as quickly as you would like – Fx your luck changes soon.
Post # 11
PS: Sorry the name links didn’t work porperly… as I said – this was my first / second post – I’ll figure it out!!
Post # 12
we stopped using contraception the day we got married!
i consider not using contraception to be TTC. i know most people think its NTNT or NTNP but i don’t really make the distinction
if we ever decided to start charting and monitoring everything i guess itd be around this christmas?
Post # 13
can someone please explain what TTC is? This is my first time hearing any of this.
Post # 15
Even though you’re not trying to jump the gun, it’s smart to start charting and taking prenatals/folic acid/etc. several months before
you start actively trying to conceive.
Starting to chart now/soon will give you several months’ worth of data points and practice at reading your cycles so that you will be comfortable with it by the time it matters. It takes a little time to get the hang of charting, and for the first couple of weeks when you only have a few data points, everybody’s chart looks like a random zigzag. You often need to see a couple of successive months in order to be able to spot your patterns.
And with the vitamins and folic acid, you ideally want to have plenty of reserves of those nutrients already in your body when you conceive. Taking them before you get pregnant/start actively trying helps to prepare your body so that it’s ready when the time comes.
Oh, and By The Way, it’s “segue,” not “Segway.” Segway is one of those gyroscopic two-wheeled carts. If you mean a smooth transition, the word you want is “segue.”
Post # 16
Hi and welcome to the boards! (Or to posting!) My husband is the kind that wants spontaneous haha. I actually asked this same question recently and received wonderful answers. Read here if you would like!! Good luck!
(my iPad wont make links!)