(Closed) When and where should the two parents meet?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Our parents didn’t meet until a couple of weeks after our engagement. His parents are retired and travel between cities and my parents work all of the time. We eventually set a weekend off and my parents hosted a wonderful dinner for the entire family to meet. It was great! We also considered doing it at my Fiance house to have a more neutral ground…but we became so busy so quickly we took my parents up on the offer. Maybe you can talk to them and see what they would feel comfortable with? 

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Our parents had never met until our engagement….3.5 years down the road. they live 5 hours apart, so it never made sense. My Fiance and I hosted an engagement/welcome home part at our place (lol, i know. basically he came home from iraq, we got engaged, and invited a ton of friends over that he hadn’t seen in 8 months and i invited all my friends so i would leave the boys alone) and then we invited his family and i invited my parents, who were in town for my graduation. We threw them all together over burgers, beer, sangria, dessert, and coleslaw., It was much less awkward having THAT many people there including all my FI’s friends and everyone was chatting. It made for a happy atmosphere. Parents gave us toasts and congrats, and all is well. My parents, my Fi and I, and my FI’s mom had breakfast at IHOP the next morning, too. We thought it’d be weird that if they met for the first time at the wedding, too, which is liekly how it woulda turned out!

They know they own’t see each other 24/7 so they’ll be sure to have their best faces on and their manners keyed up.  

Post # 5
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Our parents are finally going to meet NEXT WEEK!  My fiance and I are in LA (his parents live here too), and my parents are in northern CA.   I’m a bit anxious, a bit excited, a bit nervous.   I think the toughest part will be the fact that my parents speak English with heavy Chinese accents.  My parents are making the trip down to LA, so we’ll be taking them out for lunch and/or dinner.  I’ll be there to act as "translator", so I hope everything goes smoothly!  I don’t forsee any major drama, as both sets of parents are pretty easy-going.  It will be really be nice to have both sides of the family together at last.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Our parents didn’t meet until 3 months before the wedding — well, my parents met his mom (dad was out of the country). Luckily the common ground was where we live, as his mom is on the east coast and my parents are in the south. So they met us and saw our home in Ohio.

Personally, I would have been fine with them meeting at the wedding. In my case, I’d deliberately planned a small, weekend-long wedding, where I’d rented out a bed and breakfast with the intention of it being all family and very small. However, his mom said she didn’t want to meet my parents for the first time at the wedding.

So. Do what works. If one set of parents wants to extend an invitation, that would be the way to go, but if not, you can arrange something yourself. Take a look at airfare costs and decide that way, if costs are important. 

Good luck – and hope the distance is eliminated soon for you!

Post # 7
Member
1428 posts
Bumble bee

Our parents met 8 months after we started dating. We (ummm HE…) was already taking about our future at that point. But is just happened that he had bought his house, his parents had just gotten home that day from a cruise & his sister was up visiting from NY.
He suggested we go to dinner with his parents & sister, and then said Hey let’s invite your mum & dad too. So that was how they met, it was very low-key, and a very un-stressful first meeting. Then his mom invited my parents to Thanksgiving that year.
Now they’re all pretty close, and send one another Christmas cards and whatnot.
I say do the low-key thing, I would have them meet where you live, that way it’s not at "your" or "his" parents place for the first time….more neutral ground.

Post # 8
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Not sure if I’m the best person to ask, but I’ll throw in my 2 cents. Our parents met oh…2 weeks after we became "official." I guess I should ammend that to say that they’ve met my mom. My parents aren’t married and my dad does not/has never played a big role in my life. Anyway, we were both still living with our parents at the time and I wanted him to spend the weekend with me at my house. Well, my mom wanted to meet his parents first so they came over after a concert they all went to. There is only an hour distance though, so it’s not a big deal for one set to go visit the other.

My advice would be to pick a neutral venue. Not either parent’s house. Even though my FI’s parents came to my mom’s house, I wish we had done it differently. Personally I think the wedding is the worst time for parents to meet for the first time. I think you should do it as soon as possible. Unless there are financial restraints, here is my idea: pick a weekend when your Fiance is coming to visit you in Dallas. I’m sure your parents would love to see you and suggest that your FI’s parents come down to visit too. Hope all goes smoothly, I’m sure it will ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

our parents will meet 3 days before the wedding!

we’re long distance and his family is flying here, so we’re doing a dinner get-together before the wedding. i think they should be okay ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 10
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2001

Our parents met last christmas, which was a little over a year into us dateing and we weren’t engaged yet. My Fiance doesn’t have a large family and instead of running to both places on Christmas, we decided to ask my parents if it would be okay to invite his parents as well. They said yes. Needless to say, his dad is a little bit older, so he got along better with my grandpa. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

I don’t think there is anything wrong with them meeting right around the wedding, especially if they can’t help it because of schedule conflicts!

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Have them meet at a nice restaurant. They will be eating most of the time (or sipping wine when they get uncomfortable) and you and your Fiance can facilitate a lot of discussion. Just wing it. It will be a ltitle awkward, but it will be no matter what. I Think everyone’s "my parents met his parents" stories remember a ltitle bit of "oh hi, nice to meet you……" with some silences in there.

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