(Closed) When and why do people renew vows?

posted 6 years ago in Vow Renewals
Post # 47
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I love what Bebealways wrote:  

The better question is why not? A marriage is not a thing you do once, it’s a thing you do every day forever – I think taking a milestone to recognize that and “refresh” your mindset is nice.

Every wedding I’ve been to since ours has been a nice reminder of what we vowed. In a way, aren’t you “renewing” your vows every day that you’re together?

Post # 48
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@pixiecat:  

I don’t agree with renewing vows every year. I think that is excessive.

As for a wedding like vow renewal appearing ridiculous to you, I guess it is hard to understand if you were fortunate enough to have the wedding you wanted.

Nothing ridiculous about celebrating years of marriage and love with a ceremony, especially if the wedding was awful.

My family and friends are VERY excited about my vow renewal because they never saw me get married. My mother wants to see me in a poufy wedding gown and that is what I am going to wear.

I know a woman who has already had THREE big weddings and now she is planning a large vow renewal. People are not as receptive to her plans because she has already had more than two large weddings and they think she is just trying to get attention.

Post # 49
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@PositiveThinking:  A poofy dress and a big party with your friends and family are not a requirement or a necessity to be married.  If the wedding you want is not possible when you want to be married, then you need to decide what you would rather compromise on getting married when you want or how you want.

But the wedding industry has done a good job at convincing everyone they “deserve” the wedding of their dreams, so more and more people are eloping for convenience and having their “real wedding” later and I don’t think that is ok.  But to each their own I suppose.

Post # 50
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We both woke up incredibly ill on our wedding day. Him much more than myself. He was so uncomfortable that we had to take all of our pictures inside our venue. We don’t even have a picture in front of the ribbon backdrop I worked so hard on. Neither one of us was able to eat or drink all day. So, we feel a little robbed. We spent a lot of money and to be honest it kind of sucked. I mean we’re married, and I am so happy that we are, but the day was kind of marred.  We don’t even talk about that day because tbh it wasn’t great. Funny enough we woke up feeling great the next day, and went skydiving.  That we talk about all the time! So, we are already talking about renewing our vows in 2017.  That is next time our anniversary falls on a Saturday. I’m sure it will be much smaller than our first and probably just a bbq or something at our home.  But, we definitely want a little bit of a redo.

Post # 51
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@pixiecat:  

I am aware that a poufy dress and ceremony are not a requirement to get married. I think we both know that anyone with half a brain can see that. Laughing

I will never understand the need to put down others for having vow renewals. There are all sorts of situations that can occur, which ruin weddings for couples. A wedding is a very special occasion for most people and their families. I don’t see why a couple should not renew their vows as they see fit.

I admire the way you explained your opinion of vow renewals.

 

 

Post # 52
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@WreckerBabe:  

Nothing wrong with this at all.

Our vow renewal isn’t going to be on our anniversary. It will be one day after.

Post # 53
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I guess I just like celebrations and wouldn’t turn my nose up at any excuse to gather friends and family. I think that marriages just begin on wedding day. And marriages, like all relationships, take maintenance if you want them to continue to be fulfilling. Often that maintenance is the everyday things that we do for our partner. But I think it’s nice to have bigger events that can make you stop and take stock and appreciate your relationship. Things like anniversaries and Valentine’s days are great opportunities to do that on an annual basis. And I think that a vow renewal is just another great way to reaffirm your relationship. They could be just between the two of you, or could involve a big party. I, personally, love big parties and love taking any opportunity to celebrate with friends and family, so I would definitely consider a big party style vow renewal. Sounds fun to me. But after all the planning that went into the wedding – I don’t even want to think about it for many years! 

Post # 54
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@figgnewton:  

legal ceremony vs. religious ceremony in my case

my marriage means nothing to my family unless its in a church done by a priest or pastor of their choosing.

Post # 55
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@figgnewton:  I would love to renew them. Maybe not because we feel the need to actually “renew”, but just to make a day where the focus is to remember how much you love each other and to say how much you mean to each other. I would never make it a big thing with loads of people like a wedding. Just me, my husband and future children if we had them. 

Post # 56
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I like vow renewals (having one myself) my husband and I were together for many years and are happy to have something like this. When we first planned our wedding there were things beyond our control, the big thing was unfortunately cancelled. We chose to go the courthouse route with a few family members and were happy with it. Was the perfect? Nope but it was OUR wedding day. My vow renewal is notgoing to be the same as that day.It is something completely different. We are celebrating our marriage and after some hard times it is our way of saying “I do…still.”

 

I have seen the huge vow renewals with family and  it is an event! I have nothing against them but I prefer something smaller. We are having one just he and I next year before we leave Hawaii for another home.

 

Post # 57
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I really don’t understand vow renewals either… If we ever did do it I’d probably just want it to be me and my husband.

Post # 58
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We’re going to do a vow renewal 6 months or so after our actual wedding in my home country for the friends and family who we werent able to invite to our small wedding in the US. We are basically doing the wedding in the US with FI’s family and so I can get my visa organised, then we’ll have a second wedding/vow renewal in my home country for my family. We keep getting in trouble for saying second wedding as we are getting legally married in the US, but we want it to be just as special for our friends and my family at home, so we go with vow renewal. 

I never understood the purpose of vow renewals until i met Fiance and realised there was no way we could have a wedding that combined both sets of family and friends. I also get really hurt when people tell me what we’re doing is crazy and wrong, as we are just trying to be practical in a situation that is far from traditional. 

 

Post # 59
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@ERsax:  

I understand why you feel hurt. Sometimes people say very rude things about vow renewals and the couples that have them.

We can’t let other’s opinions get to us too much, even though that is often easier said than done when we want support.

I hope you have a beautiful vow renewal.

Post # 60
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

 

@figgnewton:  S/O and I plan on having a small wedding.. like not even a wedding. His dad is a pastor and it will be his immediate family and my immediate family. We’re doing this because

1. I think a wedding is between two people. I like that people want to celebrate with others but I like intimacy more.

2. He is in the military and planning a big wedding with deployments just isn’t a smart decision.

3. We would rather save for a house etc.

 

So we decided after he gets out of the navy (4-6 years) we will have a big ole vow renewal once we’re settled in. That way I get my big dream wedding without risk of the deployments and i don’t feel like I cheapened our ceremony with a ton of people. 

 

thats my reasoning for it but I dont know why people do it if they already did the big wedding..

Post # 61
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Lake Anna Winery

Our reason is because our wedding was taken over by my mom and our families while we really wanted to elope or at least have a smaller more casual wedding. So we’re going to have a redo at 5 years!

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