- 10 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
A few weeks ago I wrote quite a positive post on “waiting”… I now feel as though my focus and world has been turned upside down. On Friday a very good friend of mine got engaged.
I couldn’t be happier for her than if it had happened to me or my sibling, but at the same time it’s hit me like a very sharp knife in the heart.
She had been with her guy 6 months less than I’ve been with my SO and the last few times we’ve met up we’ve been hedging bets on who would be next to get engaged, everytime we both agreed that all things considered, our money would be best laid with me.
However it has evidently not been the case. I should be happy that my own timeline is drawning closer but for some reason I’ve found myself feeling resentful and actively pushing my SO further away.
I don’t know why but I’ve started questioning if this is really what I want. It actually brings a tear my eye to think that I could think that but I feel as though the passion and love is being squeezed out of the desire to be with him.
I’ve started to question why I’m staying? why do I want to be with him? What does he give me that noone else does and I’m starting to lose touch of that and I can see it playing out in the ways that I bicker with him and push him away.
Can anyone relate???!