(Closed) When are you too old to go in on your parent’s gift?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: When are you too old to go in on your parent's gift?
    At 18 - You're legally an adult : (3 votes)
    4 %
    Graduate College : (29 votes)
    38 %
    Get Married : (21 votes)
    27 %
    Have Children : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Other - Explain : (22 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 17
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    It really depends, but I do agree at 35 you should be able to afford your own gift. Do they live together, are they married? Did you send one invite for the entire family? My parents received two wedding invites that said to the ____ Family. We all decided to put money in a card and sign it from the ____ Family.

    Post # 18
    2467 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    it doesn’t strike me as odd at all. my aunt and uncle have 3 kids who are all around 40-45, one of whom just got married, and we got a joint present from all of them. granted it was a larger gift than “normal…” but yeah. i haven’t given any gifts on my own for family/family-friend events either. my parents just get a bigger gift and sign it for me, my hubby, my bro and sil.

    Post # 20
    6571 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    In my family you’re never too old. My brother and I are both married, and my parents still give presents for us. My dad’s rule is that when we make more money then him (which he knows won’t ever happen due to our career choice), we can pay for things like that. I’m not going to argue.

    Post # 21
    5493 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    When you have a full time job, (ie. are completely out of school), that is when you should give your own gifts.  You’re an adult and can afford something on your own.  

    The exception to this is if the gift is very large/expensive and it makes sense that a few people went in on it together, (like a Dyson Vacuum or a piece of furniture).

    Post # 22
    311 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think it is when you move out.  However, if the family wanted to get one large gift and all chipped in, that might be a different story.  If they gave money, then they should each get their own cards.  It’s not that difficult to pick up a card while at the grocery store.  JMO.



    Post # 23
    264 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    For the most part I think if you receive your own invitation you should send a separate gift. But as other posters have mentioned, it’s also okay to chip in to a larger gift with your parents.

    We also received a few large gifts from families consisting of grown children and adults that I suspected were entirely paid for by the parents, but that doesn’t bother me, either. I know a lot of families like artbee’s where the parents make more than their grown children and like to fund extra expenses.

    Post # 24
    1067 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I would say they definately should have brought their own gifts. Sometimes it does depend on the gift. Was the gift received a very large gift, or aunt and uncle could have just given it on thier own?

    Post # 25
    1675 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Maybe this is a double standard, but I think all guests over 18 should receive their own invitation. That being said, I do not expect a separate gift from any “children” who are in college. Once you move out, have your own home and your own career, then you buy your own gift. 

    Post # 26
    5496 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Anybody on their own or is out of college should give their own gift (my opinion, of course). I think it’s odd for a bunch of adults in a family to go in on a gift. My family never does this. We choose and give our own gifts.

    Post # 27
    610 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    When you’re officially independent of your parents.

    Post # 28
    875 posts
    Busy bee

    My family goes with this theory.  If you invite the adults children separately then the kids buy gifts on their own… if you combined the invitation… then the gift is from the family.  I do think you need to realized that some adults may have a very limited budget that in this economy makes it difficult to give a pricey gift.  (And just because you know they are employed does not mean that they are making a great deal of money.  (At least for me… I have noticed that my salary has stayed the same, but my costs… groceries, gas, insurance, etc…  have doubled or tripled…  and yes… I’m looking for another job… but so is the rest of the country!  ) 

    Post # 29
    1774 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I see no problem if it’s people going in together on a nicer gift.

    Post # 30
    1870 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I don’t see how this is an etiquette thing.

    People can give you any kind of gift any which way they want. Or, not give you a gift.

    In my case, it has to do with the couple in question. My parents will still include myself and my siblings in the card (even though we’re all grown) when they go to weddings for their friends’ children–we may know the children as family friends, but it’s more my parents’ relationship with their parents.

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