(Closed) What to do when bridal party doesn't feel comfortable in your color palette?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

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coffeecakez :  What you said is perfect. “I firmly believe we don’t get to tell other people how to spend their money, but we can ask. If we are asking others to spend their money, then of course they get a say.” 

 

Post # 47
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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akshali2000 :  you should pick a less expensive dress ($50 or so from ASOS or similar store) and pay for them in the color you want. 

Post # 48
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I took my girls’ skintones in to account when picking colours. Luckily they both have similar colouring – one is like me and has olive skin, but medium hair, the other is paler, but not pale, and has darker hair. They’re both wearing forest green, as I couldn’t find a plum/aubergine dress in my budget. I would have been happy for them to wear a different shade of the same colour if that had meant they both were comfortable.

Could you pay for the dresses? Where I am this is the norm and I feel it’s much easier to say ‘please just wear this dress’ when you’re the one paying.

I have olive skin, it’s the lighter side of olive and I look dreadful in blush/peach/coral colours. I’ve only been a bridesmaid once, in a red dress which was fine. When trying dresses with the bride, one style they only held in yellow, so I tried it for fit etc. I can’t put in to words how dreadful I looked in it, I looked seriously ill it was so unflattering with my skintone.

I would ask them to try a dress on in those colours, if it does clash with their skintone is it really worth making them miserable/having them drop out, for the sake of letting them wear a medium/darker shade of coral? It’ll still look co-ordinated if you have say 2-3 girls in pale coral and 3 in darker coral.

Post # 49
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I guess I am a bad friend because I would literally tell them to suck it up and get over it.

 

Post # 50
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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Chris4 :  Not sure what being impatient has to do with refusing to pay for someone else’s wedding. 

AND if this was any other decor, people would be saying that if they’re saying then they get a say. 

Post # 51
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Even if you “stand fast” in your demand for $150, nothing is stopping them from leaving. What would ruin your pictures more- a different shade of coral or missing bridesmaids? 

Post # 52
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

why not just throw a more saturated shade into the palette? Dark coral would look great with the colors you listed.

Post # 53
Member
2383 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Can they try on dresses in your colors, to see that they look good? I think peach looks wonderful on a darker skin tone. 

You either have to give in and change your colors, or channel Bernadette from The Big Bang Theory. Fans of this show will know what I mean!

Post # 54
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

I just have to ask all of you on team “change your dress for your maids/dresses are not decor/if the bridesmaids are paying they get a say”, because you are clearly are speaking on behalf of the bridesmaids here-  have you been in this position, and said something to a bride? Told a bride her choice was ugly/not your color/you wouldn’t be wearing it and she needed to rethink her choice? My hang up on this whole thing is, even if a bride asked me to wear a full on satin ball gown, in baby poop green (graphic, I know, my apologies), for her August outdoor beach wedding, I would order the dress, write the check- and all with a smile.  Because it’s HER day, not mine. And she was their for me on my day, and every other day- and will continue to be.  And it’s like you all said, the friendship is worth more than the dress-  just from the other perspective.  

Post # 55
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Real question.  I have asked this several times and no one ever answers.  Why do people need to match the decor?  People are not decor.  Flowers, invitations, linens, whatever – match them all you want.  Just let the bridesmaids wear what they want!!!  They’ll still be your friends, they’ll still look great in photos.  They don’t need to match the flowers.  

This also solves the problem of who pays – if they wear exactly what they want (no restrictions, even on color), then no one has to pay!  They can wear something they already own, or buy a new dress if they so choose.

Post # 56
Member
1608 posts
Bumble bee

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mrs2b70 :  I’ve never been in that position–Im the first out of my very close friends to get married. And I’m lucky to have a skin tone that doesn’t horrifically clash with any color, really. 

I just generally don’t buy into the concept that one’s wedding is YOUR day 100%. I know that’s a somewhat popular opinion, but I don’t share it. Just because you’ve decided to get married, it doesn’t mean you now own the time and money of the people around you. It’s a party celebrating your decision to get married. You don’t get to dictate what the other guests wear or what anyone wears to any other party in life– bridesmaids occupy a really weird space where just because they’re my close friends I somehow get to ask them to spend money to buy a dress of my choosing for this specific party. That’s a U.S. custom and sort of strange. I would get it more if brides bought the dresses. 

I just don’t understand why a bride would insist on having her friends feel ugly because she likes a particular color scheme. 

 

Post # 57
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee

I think this isn’t the hill to die on. I’ve been married 2 years. In those 2 years, I have never reflected back on how well my decorations all matched or how my ‘vision’ came together. I’ve literally only reflected on how much fun I had with everyone, what a meaningful day it was, etc.

I think wedding visions are overrated. Forcing your bridesmaids to wear a color that makes them feel ugly just because it matches your vision is stupid. AND expecting them to pay $150 on top of it is too much. 

Find a shade that makes them feel pretty and works with your vision. At the end of the day, you’ll never care that their shade of coral was 2 shades darker than you wanted. 

Post # 58
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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mrs2b70 :  I have never been in that position. 

“And it’s like you all said, the friendship is worth more than the dress-  just from the other perspective.” Yes, the friendship, the “friendship” where my friend is demanding $150 because she is having a party. That would make me rethink the friendship. 

Post # 59
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

mrs2b70 :  lol I completely agree. If someone was your true friend they would wear a color they were not thrilled about for one day. It is ONE day in their life, but it is THE day for the bride. I am sure they will expect the same when they get married.

I can see how cost would be an issue, but I would offer to pay or choose a cheaper option.

Post # 60
Member
1039 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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mrs2b70 :  happened to me. I was the maid of honor. We all have colors we don’t like, so the bride asked us what colors were  no. I said orange for me.

Then she went from there for all her color schemes. 

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