(Closed) What to do when bridal party doesn't feel comfortable in your color palette?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 62
Member
2171 posts
Buzzing bee

Buy the dresses for them, and problem solved. Just because some people spend money on a dress they hate and will never wear again, doesn’t mean that’s the correct choice for everyone. 

Post # 63
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

 

This is so interesting to me because as a bridesmaid, I never thought to challenge the color palette choices.  Heck, my first wedding I ever stood up in we were given a choice between 2 dresses and a single color, but neither were my favorite and it was fine.  I ordered the dress, wore it and then donated it.

Within that color palette, are you giving them options of dresses?  Personally if you’re already letting them choose the style of dress that works for them and have a choice between more than one color, that’s pretty accomidating.  Have they tried on dresses in the color palette yet?  They may have preconcieved notions of what they think this color will look like them and feel differently once they are actually in it.

I’m planning for something similar with 3 shades of purple.  (Exact shades TBD.). I totally expect that people might not be dying to wear a purple dress so I’m hoping to leave it pretty open, with them choosing the style of dress and designer they’d prefer, as long as it fits the color palette.  Hate the color?  Pick a cheap dress and be done with it.  As another option you could pick bridesmaid dresses in a more neutral color (black or gray) and use your color palette as the pops in accessories or flowers.

 

But I also think this thing can be a slippery slope.  I think it’s reasonable to be accomidating, but not SO accomidating you end up changing every little thing to fit their tastes.

Post # 62
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“Real question.  I have asked this several times and no one ever answers.  Why do people need to match the decor?”

I don’t understand this either. When you look at pictures of a group of girlfriends together at a non-wedding event, do the pictures look bad if the women aren’t all wearing the same dress and don’t match the napkins? I’ve never understood the appeal of matching or coordinated outfits at a wedding. But I guess that’s neither here nor there. OP, I think you should try to accomodate your BM’s as much as possible. Would you feel good knowing your friends paid $150 and feel unattractive in the dresses you chose? I’m sure you can find a compromise color that works with everything.

Post # 63
Member
651 posts
Busy bee

WTF is with most of these responses. If I’m buying my own dress, I’m spending my money on something I will actually enjoy wearing. If half your bridesmaids tell you you picked an ugly color, maybe it’s a wake up call that you picked an ugly color. 

If this is really, truly, going to make or break your wedding, pony up and buy the dresses. If you can’t justify the expense because you’d then be short a ceremonial peacock or cupcake flavor, maybe reevaluate just how important these dresses are to your wedding. If they really really mattered that much, they’d be in your budget.

Post # 64
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

I just don’t see how it is ever appropriate to tell a bride (who I should presume is one of your nearest and dearest) that the bridesmaid dress she selected for HER wedding- therefore she must find the color(or whatever other element) beautiful- is ugly, or won’t work with my completion, or whatever other version of “less than”. 

Like it or not, the tradition of a bride picking the color of the dress for her girls is still overwhelming popular.  As is a bridesmaid paying for her own dress in the US.  Don’t like it? Don’t agree to be in the wedding.  

I just can’t imagine the mean girls shooting down an excited bride while dress shopping because heavens forbid the shade of blue the bride has her heart set on doesn’t set off the bridesmaids eyes off enough and make them sparkle to their full potential 🙄

Post # 65
Member
1342 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

 

there’s a reason bridesmaids don’t pay for their bouquets.  if it’s decor for your wedding that is unusable by the wedding party, you should pay for it. or offer to pay for most of it. 

it’s amazing how quickly brides will change their dress decisions when they have to pull the money out of their own pockets instead of someone else subsidizing their wedding photo montage.  (all of a sudden, 6 bridesmaids become 2. silk becomes cotton. matching confections become complementary dresses from tjmaxx.)

if you don’t want to pay for something at your own wedding, it’s probably not that important to you.

Post # 66
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
beesaredyingatanalarmingrate :  I think it’s because most of these women are replying in the manner that they would expect their own friends to behave. I honestly don’t believe most would feel this way if actually put in this situation. 

Post # 67
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

So what most of you are saying is the bride should first sit down with all her bridesmaids and discuss what color all 7 girls would feel comfortable in regardless of what her colors may be? So if the bride has her heart set on having a wedding with shades of greys and blacks, but her BMs all want to wear orange, she has to change her entire split scheme and wedding decor to fit the wants of the BMs?? 

Sorry but that’s ridiculous! And for those of you saying the bride should pay for the dresses, Are the BM’s then going to be expected to help pay for the orange flowers to match the dresses they insisted on wearing instead?!?!?

Post # 69
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
carrotqueen :  that’s me exagerating….obviously no one would say that. Anyone who has been or will be a bridesmaid needs to understand that the wedding is about the BRIDE’s vision, not yours. You buy the dress and deal with it. Sorry if that’s harsh but that’s your responsibility as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Don’t like it? Don’t say yes to being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

i feel bad for OP cause man she has some entitled BMs 

Post # 70
Member
1996 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
appleblossom217 :    No. No one said you have to pick your wedding colors around what your bridesmaids want to wear. 

A lot of posters (including myself) said that if you expect your bridesmaids to spend $150, it’s appropriate to compromise with them and find something that works with your wedding colors, but they also feel good about wearing (and spending their money on). No one said the bridesmaids should be allowed to wear orange to a black and white wedding. But maybe (in your instance) instead of a pale gray, a bridesmaid could wear a darker shade of gray, if it suited her much better. 

There are colors and styles of dresses that all of us would hate to wear. Certain cuts make me look really fat, certain colors make me look sickly. Why should I pay $150 to look fat or ugly, when a slight shift (slightly darker, slightly different cut) can make a WORLD of difference to me, and a slight adjustment to the bride’s ‘vision’. 

Post # 71
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

This is not a “racial/ethnic situation”, I have “brown” skin and I look beautiful in those colors. Actually, I prefer those colors. 

I know you do not mean it in an offensive way, because your closest friends are bridesmaids that you are placing in this category, but not all people with brown skin prefer “bolder, brighter, more pop-ier colors, like watermelon, bright pink, or a darker coral” – I for one, steer away from those colors.

Its all about personal preference – Its your wedding, pick out the colors that you want, that match your vision. They can choose what ever color they want to wear when its their wedding.

Post # 72
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
appleblossom217 :   No, if the bride is paying then the bridesmaids don’t have a say in the color. That’s now buying things works. 

 

Post # 73
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
appleblossom217 :  If the bride wants to treat her friends as props for photos, then yes, she should pay for the costume she expects them to wear.  Why should they pay for a dress they don’t want, that they’ll never wear again, and that amounts to just another piece of decor for the wedding photos?

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