Post # 75
Isn’t it unduly entitled to expect other people to pay quite a hefty sum for items they hate in order for a bride to have photos?
I mean, by default bridesmaids ARE entitled to their own money. Brides aren’t entitled to other people’s money, right? Nobody is saying the bride isn’t entitled to her own vision for her own party. I think everyone is pushing back on whether bridesmaids have to pay for that vision when they are unhappy with the choices made for their attire and the bride doesn’t want to budge.
Post # 76
Just chiming in to say that I have told a bride not to pick light peach dresses because I look naked in it and that I won’t wear the pinkish peach nailpolish because it blends in with my skin and makes it look like I don’t have finger nails.
But then again, this bride was awesome and picked her colors after asking everyone what their absolute no color would be. She got rid of those from the options and then picked from the remaining ~50 colors and shades. And best of all, we’re all planning on reusing those dresses because they’re flattering and comfortable.
Post # 77
There is a big difference between not liking a particular shade of a color and looking (and feeling) ugly in said color.
I have light olive skin and there are several colors that look hideous on me. Several years ago I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where the bride had her heart set on pale peach dresses. Since I live in the US, I paid upwards of $200 for the dress + alterations. The color looked god awful on me, but because I was a “good friend”, I kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings. I tried bronzing lotion to make myself look more tan, but it didn’t work. I felt ugly standing next to my beautiful bride friend. Then the more I thought about it, the more I began to resent the fact that I had to pony up so much money (plus all the other money that’s involved in being a bridesmaid) for her “vision”. There was only one bridemsaid that looked nice in that particular shade of peach, and at the wedding itself, the other bridesmaids talked amongst ourselves about how we didn’t feel pretty or even attractive. So what should have been a day of us being happy for the bride turned more into a rant session about how we felt like she didn’t take our feelings into consideration and we were props more than anything else. To this day, we still talk about those bridesmaid dresses. Petty? Maybe. But who doesn’t want to look their best when they’re standing up for a wedding?
I didn’t have a color scheme or vision when I asked my friends to be bridesmaids. I had originally liked a particular shade of blue but it didn’t look good at all on two of my friends. One of my friends then showed me a really light pink dress, which honestly was the last color I thought I would consider since I’m generally not a pink person. To our surprise all the girls loved the color. They picked different dresses by the same designer in that color. My color scheme wound up being more silver than anything else with their flowers a combo of white, light pink and purple wax flowers. Pink was not the dominant color in anything but their dresses.
OP, there certainly can be a compromise and I don’t believe everything has to be completely matchy-matchy. I’m sure there is a shade of the coral/pink that the girls like than will coordinate with everything else you want to do. I think it actually looks better when you have a range in hues (like an ombre look) rather than everything the exact same shade.
Post # 79
In general, it seems like the Bee is split on two topics: who pays for Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and who pays for alcohol. I don’t have the numbers, but I would say that U.K. weddings are typically cash bar but th couple pays for the dresses, while in the US open bars are preferred and BMs pay for their own dresses. Just to put that in context. There are people who pay for both or don’t pay for both, but I think generally the either/or applies.
OP, would it help to present a range of colors that would complement your dream palette? It’s hard to tell if your BMs are more against your specific colors or just want their own. I would not have been happy with bright colors- we went with a softer, muted and natural palette. There might be room for compromise.
Post # 80
I have to say I agree with perhaps using a slightly darker shade of one of your colours, not as bright as they would like but just to something that suits their skin colour. I had to do this with my bridesmaids kept to my original colour scheme of pink but going raspberry for the dresses as the girls looked horrible in the shade I originally picked.
As a side note my sister hates pink but knows I will only compromise so far.
Post # 81
First, I think beauty is often in the eye of the beholder. And many people really don’t know what color looks best on them – they have their opinion but sometimes it is not based on science or even reality but their view.
Second, we have all sorts of ideas on how to handle this pallette issue from it is the role of the bridesmand to the bride is bridezilla to the bride should pony up for the dresses. Honestly, I said earlier pale peach is one of the hardest colors but usually for darker skinned peopel it is an okay color. If it is causing this much stress and in some ways sadly this is a popular topic perhaps there is some compromise for friendship and practicality about the color or the bride should maybe think of paying for the dress if it means that much to her. I think a color specialist or photographer might say this color – pale peach other than barf green and puice (the color of a dead beetle and consider like giving the middle finger to the bride – so you never say I hope you wear puice on your wedding day) and chartreuse are harder colors to wear on some skin types.
Any thing cause this much discussion lol on these threads maybe it is a suggestion compromise quickly, change the color or pay for the dress or if this color means so much as the ladies if they still want to be in the wedding party with this color and associated costs.
Post # 82
I had sage green bridesmaid dresses. One of my bridesmaids is Asian and told me “I am going to look like crap in that color but I will wear it if I have to only because I love you. Are you sure you don’t want to change it to bright pink?” She wore the sage green. Difference was, I paid for the dresses. Also I let her get some bright pink flowers in her bouquet. She has her photo from my wedding as her facebook profile 2 yrs later, so she must have decided it looked okay lol.
Post # 83
I fell in love with my Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses waaaay before I spoke to my girls about it. I paid, and everyone was happy. I really didn’t want to compromise on them because I *had* to have them, but I also didn’t want my closest friends spending $500 on a dress they didn’t choose. It worked well for us. They just paid for alterations and shoes, and I die every time I see a photo of them because they are the most stunning girls on the planet 😍
Post # 84
akshali2000 : I think this thread is so globalized, thus confusing. I believe Op should – may be create a new post for opinions from where she is. Even then people will have different opinions, forget about it when we are talking about how things are done in different parts of the world.
I’m doing different things in different places. Do in Rome as the Romans do.
While I’m based in US, I’m from across the world. We are having 1 wedding here so that my fiance’s (majority) family n frens and few of my fam n frens can attend, and we are also having another wedding back home where all my family and frens will be attending. Back home, while we do not have concept of bridesmaid we do give out traditional clothing as a gift /courtesy to some family and relatives (about 30-40 people). It will be paid by my family. For US wedding, I’m not expecting my BMs to do anything, I’m very independent person, I’m not expecting any shower or Bachelorette, I’m giving them really nice Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts including Kate Spade wallet, really nice Groomsmen gift(again we are not asking them to do anything) , we are splurging on food and premium open bar and DJ. Due to the US custom and US expense I do not think it is unfair to ask them to buy their dresses. Thats the only thing we are asking. There are bees from different parts of world saying they pay for Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses which is fair as (I just read it here) they have cash bar. They save 1000ss on that and BM’s dresses don’t cost that much whereas we spend 1000sss on open Bar so it is not really fair to ask us to spend on everything (when they are not) as we need to be realistic. No one has unlimited money. Yet I know someones going to say ‘after all it’s your wedding’ even after I explained the whole reasoning 😉
There are bees saying if the BMs pay they should not be paying for something that they won’t be wearing again. Who goes about wearing Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses to other events!! And if they are Bridesmaid or Best Man in another wedding that wedding will have a different theme/color/style. I have never seen/heard any girl saying they wear same Bridesmaid or Best Man dress in every wedding or even 2 wedddings. For bees saying why are you matching the people , linen, flower, n decor etc, I don’t think she is trying to match them to linen, but she still has to match them to her Groomsmen’s attire. Plus it’s not your wedding, everyone has different taste and wants, may be some people don’t care but other people do care and you can’t expect others to not care just cuz you don’t care. More imprtantly, how will it look if Bride is in white/ivory/champaigne/or light color and a Bridesmaid or Best Man is wearing bright pink or red. I would be fine with changing a shade or even a different color but I can’t do bold colors! sorry! Also, if your BMs disappear cuz they don’t like your color, they are not really your frens.
Post # 85
Can we see some swatches and a photo of your vision? There’s a ton of options so perhaps there’s a perfect one that suits everyone? Including what you want?
Post # 86
I don’t see what a cash/open bar has to do with bridesmaids dresses. It’s like saying it’s ok to expect your aunt to pay for your limo because you served caviar. Or it’s ok I didn’t pay my light bill because I bought my sister a birthday cake. It’s not a trade off to the people paying.
Post # 87
to me it makes infinitely more sense for all guests to pay for some of their drinks (most UK weddings do include around 1-1.5 bottles of wine per head anyway), given that drinking alcohol is a choice, than it does to ask your supposedly ‘nearest and dearest’ to stump up what seems to be an average of $150+ for an outfit they will wear once.
I have no issue paying for drinks at events as if I were going out for the night I would pay for drinks/if I go to a house party I bring my own, etc, so it really doesn’t matter (plus TBH once I’ve had the included drinks I usually only buy like 2 or 3 drinks and then drink water). I would have a serious objection though to being asked to pay for a dress that I haven’t chosen and will wear once. I would be even more p*ssed off if said dress was unflattering.
The way I see it is that the US way the bridal party basically covers the bill for people’s drinks at the reception, which I find bizarre.
Post # 88
when discussing open bar vs cash bar though you have to take it account cost differences. If open bars in the UK were as cheap as they are in the US, with packages available for $20-50 a head (which seems to be the going rate there) I imagine MOST UK couples would include an open bar. However UK open bars are purely based on consumption, plus our receptions are much much longer, so you are often talking at least double the cost in the US.
Our alcohol spend WITHOUT open bar was much more than I have seen most bees on here from the US paying for open bar packages. And we still paid for Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses (and the BMs chose their dresses). Oh, and we did still have an open bar. I just couldn’t imagine ever asking our bridal party to pay for their outfits. There are like a dozen things I’d cut back on before doing that, and an open bar would be one of them as honestly, 1/2 bottle of wine, plus champagne, plus 2 glasses sparkling wine PP is already quite a lot.
Post # 90
LOL the bridesmaids don’t need to match the groomsmen’s attire. This is not prom in 1988. I mean, my date that year did have a dazzling peach bowtie and cummerbund to match my white dress with pastel accents, but that was 30 years ago. And we were kids.